Mmm, Moisturizer

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to return this lotion. It gives me a rash.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(The customer hands me her used lotion. Half the bottle has been used up.)

Customer: “What do you do with the returned lotion?”

Me: “Well, since this is used, I have to mark it out and throw the product away.”

Customer: “Like, in the garbage?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “But there are starving children in China!”

Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde, Part 2

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m ringing up a sweater for a customer at the till.]

Customer: “This isn’t for me. It’s for that homeless guy across the street.”

Me: “That’s very kind of you, ma’am.”

Customer: “I know! It’s important to give back to the less fortunate.”

(As I’m finishing with the transaction, she’s glances around the store.)

Customer: “Wow, it’s pretty dead in here.”

Me: “Yeah, we get a slow day every now and again.”

Customer: “Well, I know that. I figured there would be a lot of people cashing their welfare cheques today.”

(I’m not sure what to day to that, so I finish the transaction. As I’m putting the sweater in the bag with the rest of her items…)

Customer: “Woah! Put that in a different bag, please. I don’t want that bum’s sweater touching my stuff!”

Related:
Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde

What A Quack

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store] where you can get great back to school fashions. This is Cara speaking, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you have any duck things?”

Me: “Duck things? What sort of duck things, sir?”

Customer: “Duck things.”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you have any duck key chains?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What about duck earrings?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. Did you know I have over two hundred stuffed ducks?”

Me: “That’s… awesome?”

Customer: “They have neck braces. We got in a car accident, me and my stuffed ducks.”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “I gave my ducks neck braces.”

Me: “I really–”

Customer: “The doctor had to wrap me in twelve blankets!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

Me: “No, but why don’t you try calling another [store]? We’re low volume, so we have less than the other ones.”

Customer: “I have lots of stuffed ducks, you know. They have neck braces because we got in a car accident.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have another customer. I really have to let you go.”

Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Have a nice day!” *hangs up*

Gastronomically Priced Apparel

, | Columbia, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

Customer: “Oh…why didn’t anybody tell me?”

Me: “Did you ask someone?”

Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to my register with her 2 year old sitting in the child seat of her cart.)

Customer: “I have these two coupons I’d like to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can only use one coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll buy this separately.”

(The customer separates a large pillar candle from her other purchases and puts one of the coupons on top.)

Me: “Actually, we can only take one coupon per customer per day.”

Customer: *completely serious* “I’m not buying it, she’s buying it!” *gestures to her 2 year old*

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