Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

, | Panama City, FL, USA | Top

(I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

Husband: “Mostly porn.”

Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

Wife: “Why’s that?”

Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

When Customers Shop Past Their Naptime

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to open the door on my way in! It opens for me on the way out. Customers shouldn’t have to open doors.”

Me: “But sir, if the ‘In’ door was automatic, it would smack you in the face.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I shouldn’t be expected to open my own doors.”

Me: “Well, you could always use the handicapped button. That will open the door for you.”

Customer: *stomps his foot* “No! No! No! No!”

(The customer leaves looking at me expectantly and pointing at the automatic door on his way out.)

Wild Creatures Of The Stupid Kingdom

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(I was shopping in a comic book store with my brother when a female customer approached me.)

Girl: “You know what I’m going to do in college?”

Me: “Er, what?”

Girl: “I’m going to bark after every word when talking to the first person I see! Then they’ll go to my friends and say ‘Hey, where’s ****, the girl who barks?’, and nobody will know what they mean!”

Me: “Uh…okay. Good idea.”

A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry

, | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(A woman and her three year old daughter leave the changing room and approach my counter. She looks to be flustered and in a hurry.)

Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

Customer: “Just this, please.” *hands me her items*

Me: “That’s £49.96, please.”

(The woman frantically searches her bag for her purse and almost turfs the contents out onto the floor.)

Customer: “I can’t find my purse.”

Me: “It’s okay, take your time. Perhaps you left it in the changing room?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t leave anything in there! Here it is.”

(She hands me her credit card, I complete the transaction and hand her her purchases.)

Me: “Here you go. Thank you for visiting today.”

Customer: *nervous smile* “Thank you.”

(The woman walks away hastily. Just before she gets to the shop door, her daughter speaks up.)

Customer’s daughter: “But mummy, we did leave something in the changing room!”

Customer: *starts walking quicker* “Shhh!”

Customer’s daughter: *triumphantly* “We left my poo in there!”

(The woman grabs the child by the hand and runs out of the shop. My colleague and I run over to the changing room to see for ourselves. Sure enough, in the corner of one of the changing rooms, there is a small pile of poo. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)

Friends With Benefits, Cards With Innuendos

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find a certain section?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

Me: “Okay. What type of card?”

Customer: “Well, there is this guy and he is my friend…but not really…and I want to get him a special card.”

Me: “Okay, I’m not sure I understand. Do you want a friendship card?”

Customer: “No. Oh my God, he would hate that! It’s just that…we’re friends, but not really. Like, we’re more than friends.”

Me: “So, your boy–”

Customer: “OH, GOD NO! He’s not my boyfriend. We just have a lot of sex, and I want to get him a card…for that.”

Me: “Ma’am…I don’t think we actually make ‘Sex Buddy Cards’.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Maybe a ‘Thank You’ card?”

Customer: *runs from store*

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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