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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Not Even Remotely Intelligent

    , | Roanoke, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, you sold me a television remote control earlier…”

    (Note that this same customer bought a universal remote control and required five minutes of explanation as to why a universal remote would work on her Magnavox TV.)

    Me: “Yes, what about it?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t program it.”

    Me: “Did you read the instruction manual? There’s not much I can do over the phone.”

    Customer: “Can’t you program it over the phone?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You need to program it to your television. Without being there, I can’t do it.”

    Customer: “No lights come on, is there a battery in it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That type of remote comes with a battery.”

    Customer: “You’re not helpful!” *click*

    (A few minutes later, she calls back.)

    Customer: “Yes, I called about the remote. I still can’t program it. I don’t think you gave me a battery and I think you ripped me off.”

    Me: “Could you flip the remote over and see if there is a battery in it?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hold on…hey, what’s this? What about this tab that says “Remove Before Using”? Should I take that out?”

    Me: *major facepalm* “Yes ma’am. ”

    Customer: “Hey, the lights work now. Finally, you did something useful!” *click*

    (Not surprisingly, the lady calls back a few minutes later asking if the volume plus button was the one with the up arrow or the down arrow.)

    Mega Moochers, Inc.

    | Abu Dhabi, UAE | Top

    We are a Specialist Inspection company. Over two years ago, we did a job at short notice for another company that could not supply the service. They refused to pay us the US$40,000 despite getting paid by the client (and making a decent profit) and we were in the process of taking them to court to get payment.

    They were making the matter even more drawn out than normal by messing the court about, not turning up, etc. I recently got a phone call from their operations manager.

    Customer: “Ah, Mr. A***, we need you to do an urgent job for us.”

    Me: “…but you still owe us $40,000 from the last job we did for you.”

    Customer: “What about the good relationship between our companies?

    Me: “We don’t have a good relationship. We are taking you to court over this, remember?”

    Customer: “Please Mr. A***, that is all in the past. Can we not work together, for the good of the relationship?”

    Me: “The last time I saw you, you lied to me. Your manager has only ever lied to me. You owe us $40,000 dollars. We are taking you to court. How can we have a good relationship?”

    Customer: “We must work together, to build a good relationship.”

    Me: “What about our money?”

    Customer: “You are always going on about the money! Why can’t we have a good relationship?”

    Me: “It’s not going to happen.”

    Customer: “See, that is why we need a good relationship!”

    Me: “Goodbye.”

    Customer: “But what ab–” *click*

    It Cuts Both Ways

    | Middlesbrough, UK |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Man: “Yes, I want half of my money back on this camera.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Is there something wrong with it?”

    Man: “No, it’s fine. But I want half of my money back.”

    Me: “Half of your money? I’m not sure I understand…”

    Man: “Look, I bought this camera about 6 weeks ago, and now it’s on a half price offer. So I want half of my money back.”

    Me: “Err, sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

    Man: “So get someone who can!”

    (I pop off to grab the manager, and explain the situation to him.)

    Manager: “Good afternoon, Sir. **** has explained your problem to me, and I’m afraid he’s right, we can’t refund this difference to you. The item is on sale now; it wasn’t when you bought it.”

    Man: “This is ridiculous! You’re ripping me off! Why won’t you give me my money back?”

    Manager: “Let me ask you this–if the camera was now twice as expensive, would you come back here and pay us the extra money?”

    Man: “Of course not, I’m not stupid!”

    Manager: “And neither am I, Sir. Good day!”

    Mind Games With The Mindless

    | Littleton, CO, USA |

    (I work in a few different departments, so it’s not uncommon for me to see the same customer twice…)

    Me: “How are you today, folks?”

    Man: “We’re just fine.”

    (We chat for a moment, then I walk 20 feet over to our paint counter. About 5 minutes passes and the same customer passes me.)

    Man: “You know, you look like the guy that talked to us over in fitness.”

    Me: *grinning* “Yes sir, that was my stunt double.”

    (The man walks away with a confused look on his face.)

    Coworker: “You know, you’d really blow his mind if you met him at the front door.”

    Thomas Jefferson, Colonial Hippie

    | Shiloh, IL, USA |

    (A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:)

    Manager: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?”

    Manager: “Yes ma’am, unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.”

    Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?”

    Manager: “Uh…yes.”

    Customer: “Well if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”


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