October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

, | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

(At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after porn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family story, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

(The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

Coworker:  “Wow! Way to go!”

Me:  “Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

We Need One Of These In Every Store

For (Not) Cryin’ Out Loud

| Guam | Uncategorized

Customer: “How much is that bracelet in the display case?”

Me: “It’s $50.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s expensive, but it’s nice. I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, so your total is $50. We’re out of the store’s jewelry boxes, but I’d be happy to give you a gift bag for the bracelet.”

Customer: “But you have some nice boxes here on the counter, and the bracelets in them are cheaper than the one I’m buying. Why don’t the more expensive bracelets come in a box?”

Customer’s son: *looking embarrassed* “Mom, she doesn’t decide the prices.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe there’s a wristwatch box that I can put this in.”

(I get a box from the watch department and show it to the customer.)

Me: “Is this box ok?”

Customer: “This box…” *points to the jewelry boxes on the counter* “…is so much nicer. Can’t you take the bracelet out of the box and switch it with this one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, those bracelets are attached to the boxes.”

Customer’s son: “Mom, just take the watch box.”

Customer: “Can you at least switch the price tags?”

Customer’s son: *looks at her mom incredulously*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it anyway, but I’ll have you know that I’m crying inside!”

(Please Go) Back To The Future

| Oxford, UK | Tourists/Travel

(I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

(Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”

May Contain Scenes Of Flippered Violence

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me I’m looking for a movie, it has 2 actors in it.”

Me: “Which two actors?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “What was the movie about?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Do you know any part of the movie?”

Customer: “There’s a huge conflict in the middle of it.”

Me: “That could be almost any one of these movies.”

Customer: “Oh, here it is! March of the Penguins!”

Some Customers Never Let You Down

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there, if that’s what you’re looking for”.

Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you do don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift”.

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