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    A Little Bit Too Specific

    | Pasadena, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

    Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

    … And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us, Part Two

    | Birmingham, AL, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for something that ain’t made in China. This one says made in EU… what’s that mean?”

    Me: “It means it’s made in the European Union.”

    Customer: “Billy! Billy come quick! This lady says Europe’s a union now!

    Me: “No, ma’am, it means…”

    Billy: “Europe united? ”

    Me: “Sir, the European Union is…”

    Billy: “‘Bout g*d**n time. It was them d*** countries that started the war!”

    Bad Pickup Lines Revisited

    | Midland, MI, USA |

    (I was on the phone with a customer who was asking about underwear.  Keep in mind that I am female.)

    Me: “Hello, this is ***. How may I help you?”

    Male customer: “Yes, I’m looking for pink underwear.”

    Me: “Okay, are you looking for men or women?”

    Male customer: “Women.”

    Me: “Alright, we have many types of pink underwear. Do you know what kind you are looking for?”

    Male customer: “No, what kinds do you have?”

    (I proceed to list off the types of ladies underwear that come in pink.)

    Male customer: “Um, okay. What kind of underwear are you wearing?”

    Me: “Is that really necessary?”

    Male customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No, it’s not.” *click*

    Related:
    Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux
    One Bad Pickup Line, A Hundred Stitches

    Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

    | Orange, CA, USA | Top

    Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

    Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    Mom: “You can’t have it!”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    (At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

    Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

    Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Idiotic Costume Ideas, Vol. 1

    | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (A man comes into the store. He’s covered in tattoos, sporting a buzz cut and a solid gold grill, and wearing a wife beater. He comes up to me.)

    Man: “Uh, yeah, do you guys have a KKK costume?”

    Me: “No… no, we don’t.”

    Man: “Oh, uh, do you know where I could get one?”

    Me: *repulsed* “I guess you could make one, but you’re not going to find it in any store in town.”

    (He walks off, but returns about 5 minutes later.)

    Man: “Do you have a Lorena Bobbitt costume?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Man: *leaves*

    Coworker: “Who the h*** would WANT one?!”


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