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    The Grim Reaper Goes Shopping

    | Hadley, MA, USA |

    (I am stocking our stationary section, and a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you sell condolence cards?”

    Me: “No. Perhaps try Target or Walmart?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for them in bulk.”

    Food Chain Brain Drain

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

    Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

    Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

    Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
    can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

    Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

    Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

    Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

    Customer: “O. M. G.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I get them?”

    Me: “Um, who?”

    Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

    Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

    Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

    Me: “Um…what?”

    Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

    Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

    Me: “…”

    Guess The Magician & Clowns Are Out Too

    | Davie, FL, USA |

    (I work at a party store that sells balloons. A middle-aged woman comes up to me and the following takes place.)

    Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “…do y’all sell, like…balloons for funerals?”

    Me: “I’m sorry…what?”

    Customer: “You know, like balloons for a funeral…like, ‘Sorry For Your Loss’…”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “OK, thanks!” *leaves*

    Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances

    , | Manchester, CT, USA |

    (An older lady came in to the store I worked at looking for the Playstation game “Croc”.)

    Customer: “Hey! Y’all got crack?”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Crack!”

    Me: “Do you mean…Everquest?”

    Customer: “NO, D***IT, I WANT CRACK. You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.”

    Me: “…do you mean ‘Croc’?”

    Customer: “Crack, Croc, whatever!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale*

    (After the lady left, my boss came up to me.)

    Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!”

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