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    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hi. I’m coming from the intersection at *** and ***. How would I get to your store from here?”

    (I give the guy directions. I can tell he’s tuned me out after the first street or two. He then cuts me off before I finish.)

    Customer: “Good, good! I got it. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (The phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “Hi! I just called you a few minutes ago, asking for directions.”

    Me: “I remember.”

    Customer: “Yeah… I took that turn on *** like you said. Then I got lost again. I’m at *** and *** now.”

    Me: “Okay…” *gives him directions again*

    Customer: “Okay! I got it this time. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi again. Where are you now?”

    Customer: *laughs* “I’m at *** and ***.”

    Me: “Okay. You’re almost here. Turn on *** and go straight until you see a gas station. We’re in the strip mall a little after it.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s me again! I’m at the gas station. I don’t see your store.”

    Me: “We’re in the strip mall after the gas station, it’s down the road a little bit.”

    Customer: “Oh! I see it. Okay, I’ll be right there.” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “I’m in the strip mall now… and I don’t see your store. I’m gonna feel SO stupid if I’m in the wrong strip mall.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not even sure you’re in the right state.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Me: “Okay. Do you see a donut shop?”

    Customer: “Yes! I see a donut shop!”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the donut shop. Now, do you see a cell phone store?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s next to the donut shop.”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the cell phone shop. Now drive a little past that. Do you see the girl in the next store who’s on the phone and waving at you?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Is that you?”

    Me: “Yeah. Come on in…”

    He Just Talks Really Loudly

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.)

    Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

    Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

    Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

    (The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

    Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Guy: “No!”

    A Little Bit Too Honest There

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I used to work at a sporting goods store, when a young guy of about 12-14 years of age came in.)

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like for playing baseball?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

    Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

    Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

    Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

    Only The Undead Ones

    | Georgia |

    (Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors. Th mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

    Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

    Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

    Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

    Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

    Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

    The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

    Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within 14 business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the
    mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

    Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within 7 days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

    Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item, because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

    Customer: “I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

    Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: *wants to die*


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