Customer: "Excuse me…how much is this?"
Customer: "But the sign says it’s $19.99! Ha! So you have to give it to me for that!”
Me: "Ma’am, the sign says $19.99 and up."
Customer: "But it’s the law!”
Me: "Ma’am, I assure you, it is $24.99."
Customer: "Well, I’m a lawyer, and it’s the law!"
Me: "You’re not a lawyer, are you?"
Customer: "No. How did you know that?"
Me: "There is no such law."
Customer: “You’re too smart. I just thought I’d try to scare you into changing the price."
Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”
Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”
Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”
Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”
Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”
Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”
Me: “Thanks for coming in! Anything I can help you find today?”
Customer: “I need the internet.”
Me: “Okay. You need to get connected to the internet at your house?”
Customer: “No! I need the internet, idiot. Don’t you guys sell them here with lots of gigglebites and dial-up modems and the like?”
Me: “You need a computer tower then? We have plenty of those.”
Customer: “No! I need the internet! My friend has an internet and its fast and has 10 gigglebites.”
Me: “Okay, I will do everything I can to help you. I would also recommend you grab a copy of one of our guides that should be a great help.”
(I show him a copy of Computers for Dummies.)
Customer: “Does it come with the internet?”
(A customer who has just made a purchase comes back into our store asking for help; she’s locked her keys in her car. I go out to try and help.)
Me: “Ma’am, your window is open.”
Me: “Your window. It’s open.”
(The customer reaches in and gets her keys, opens the door, rolls up the window, locks the car, throws the keys back inside, and closes the door.)
Customer: “I know! I know! It’s just that I already called my husband to bring the second set! He’d have given me h*** if he saw the window was open!”
Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”
Customer: “I’d like to buy this table saw, but I only want to pay $300.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is $400.”
Customer: “But I only want to pay $300!”
(This goes back and forth 3 or 4 times.)
Customer: “Tell you what. Take $100 off the table saw and I might come in next week and buy that!” *points to a $20 tool*
Me: “Sorry, sir but I’m not taking $100 off an item just because you buy a $20 item in a week.”
Customer: “You clearly don’t know how to run a business!”