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    Betsy Ross 2.0

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer has been staring doubtfully at one of our wall maps of the United States. I witness him frowning speculatively and then counting each state slowly.)

    Me: “Sir, can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “It seems your map of the U.S. is out of date. There aren’t enough states.”

    Me: “Hmm. That’s odd. Let me see.”

    (I examine the map, but can find nothing amiss.)

    Me: “Nope, it looks perfect to me. Is there something I’m missing?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there’s only fifty states on this map.”

    Me: “That’s correct.”

    Customer: “But there are fifty-two states. Alaska and Hawaii were fifty-one and fifty-two. They’re on the map; I just can’t figure out which ones are missing…”

    Me: “…none of them are missing, sir. The United States has only fifty states. Look, we have flags too. For every state, there’s a star.”

    (He proceeds to count every star on the flag. In disgust, he puts the flag away.)

    Customer: “Your flags are out of date too! I’m telling you there are fifty-two states in the USA! You need to update your merchandise and learn about your country!” *storms out*

    Cute Question, Catastrophic Consequences

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I am of Eastern European descent and many languages from that area have similarities. Two women come to my counter speaking a language I can somewhat understand.)

    Me: “Good day! Can I ask where you’re from? I can understand a few of the words you were saying.”

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from ***, part of former Yugoslavia.”

    Customer: “Guess where I’m from!”

    Me: “Oh no, I can’t.¬†I’m pretty bad at guessing that sort of thing.”

    Customer: “Guess!”

    Me: “No, no.¬†I’ll get it wrong. Nevermind.”

    Customer: “Just guess! Who cares if you get it wrong?”

    Me: “I don’t want to insult you if I’m really off in guessing.”

    Customer: “Just try!¬†I’m not going to get mad!”

    Me: “Okay, are you from Serbia?”

    Customer: ¬†angrily* “Serbia?! I should beat you for such an insult!”

    When ‘Geography For Dummies’ Is A Step Up

    | Bangor, ME, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer called to check on the status of a mail order she mailed a week prior. I mentioned that mail orders are sent to Albany, NY.)

    Customer: “Where are you?”

    Me: “I am in Bangor, Maine.”

    Customer: “Oh. Is that in New York?”

    Me: “No. It’s… Bangor, Maine.” pause “Bangor is a city in the state of Maine.”

    Customer: “Really? Where is Maine?”

    Me: “It’s northeast of New York. It is the most northeastern state in the country. It borders New Hampshire to the east.”

    Customer: “It borders what?”

    Me: “New Hampshire.” *long pause* “New Hampshire is also a state.”

    Customer: “…huh. Never heard of it.”

    Ired By Shire Attire

    , | Montreal, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

    Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “He played in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

    Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

    Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

    Beware The Nines Of Merch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I’m at the service desk when an elderly man comes up.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you can answer me a question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Do you have anything for sale that doesn’t end in .99?”

    Me: “Well, we’ve got some 79’s and 49’s, but prices are usually always going to end–”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I know what you’re trying to do with those nines! I know that you’re just trying to convince me it’s cheaper! Do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “TAKE THE NINES SERIOUSLY!” *storms out*

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