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    Way TooOOOOH Much Information

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

    Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

    Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

    Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

    Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

    All Signs Point To Yes

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A customer is at the refund counter to return a DVD player. I get called over to inspect it, because I work in the electronics department.)

    Coworker: “Alright, everything seems okay. May I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over her receipt, but it’s dated July. It was November at the time. Our return policy only allows for 45 days.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I cannot give you a refund, because this is from July.”

    Customer: “But the electronics associate said I can return it anytime!”

    Coworker: “Do you remember who it was?”

    Customer: “It was that young man!” *points towards me*

    Me: “Ma’am, I have never told you such a thing.”

    Customer: “Yes you did! Are you calling me a liar?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m just a seasonal worker who got hired two weeks ago, so…”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh
    All Signs Point To No

    Walking A Thin Line

    | New York, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss – what size are you?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want to buy these pants for my granddaughter, my dear, and she’s about your size.”

    Me: “Oh, well…the jeans I’m wearing right now are from this store, and they’re a size 4.”

    Customer: “WELL! She is certainly not that fat!”

    Me: “Um, well, sometimes people carry their weight differently. Perhaps she would fit in a size 2 better?”

    Customer: “My dear, I didn’t mean to offend you – you’re not too fat. My granddaughter is small. And a big hussy. That’s why I want to buy her new pants. She looks like such a tramp.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I suppose maybe I’ll just buy her a blouse instead.”

    You Said It, Not Me

    | Maui, Hawaii, USA |

    (A customer comes up with credit card bill.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to make a payment.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I take the bill and notice it’s actually for a different store.)

    Customer: “My wife went and bought a bunch of stuff, so I gotta pay the bill.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t really know how else to say this but this is a [other store] card.”

    Customer: “I’m in [our store] aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re too nice. You should have just said ‘Get the f*** out. You’re in the wrong store!’”

    The Queen Has Left The Building

    | Hanover, MA, USA |

    Customer, to a female employee: “You know who you look like? Elvis…”

    Female employee: “…Thanks?”

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