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    Time To Find Another Hobby

    | Yorkshire, UK |

    (A customer was trying on a shorty wetsuit.)

    Customer: “It seems to fit okay, but the zip is a little high. It would irritate under my chin.”

    Me: “Yes. I can see what you mean, but if you put the suit on the right way round, you won’t have that problem.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me, to co-worker: “Remind me to never dive with that guy.”

    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hi. I’m coming from the intersection at *** and ***. How would I get to your store from here?”

    (I give the guy directions. I can tell he’s tuned me out after the first street or two. He then cuts me off before I finish.)

    Customer: “Good, good! I got it. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (The phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “Hi! I just called you a few minutes ago, asking for directions.”

    Me: “I remember.”

    Customer: “Yeah… I took that turn on *** like you said. Then I got lost again. I’m at *** and *** now.”

    Me: “Okay…” *gives him directions again*

    Customer: “Okay! I got it this time. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi again. Where are you now?”

    Customer: *laughs* “I’m at *** and ***.”

    Me: “Okay. You’re almost here. Turn on *** and go straight until you see a gas station. We’re in the strip mall a little after it.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s me again! I’m at the gas station. I don’t see your store.”

    Me: “We’re in the strip mall after the gas station, it’s down the road a little bit.”

    Customer: “Oh! I see it. Okay, I’ll be right there.” *hangs up*

    (Phone rings again five minutes later.)

    Customer: “I’m in the strip mall now… and I don’t see your store. I’m gonna feel SO stupid if I’m in the wrong strip mall.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not even sure you’re in the right state.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Me: “Okay. Do you see a donut shop?”

    Customer: “Yes! I see a donut shop!”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the donut shop. Now, do you see a cell phone store?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s next to the donut shop.”

    Me: “Good. Drive to the cell phone shop. Now drive a little past that. Do you see the girl in the next store who’s on the phone and waving at you?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Is that you?”

    Me: “Yeah. Come on in…”

    He Just Talks Really Loudly

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.)

    Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

    Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

    Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

    (The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

    Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Guy: “No!”

    A Little Bit Too Honest There

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I used to work at a sporting goods store, when a young guy of about 12-14 years of age came in.)

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like for playing baseball?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

    Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

    Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

    Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

    Only The Undead Ones

    | Georgia |

    (Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors. Th mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

    Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

    Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

    Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

    Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

    Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”


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