November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Of Half-Baked Requests And Baked-In Clothes

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Top

(I work in a custom ceramics shop were we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

Off-Color Knowledge

| Montreal, Canada | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Customer: Hi, I need some printer ink please. Do you carry ink for [printer model]?”

Me: “Of course. You want the color cartridge?”

Customer: “Oh, they have colors? Okay, then. I want green and pink.”

Me: “It doesn’t really work like that. The printer has one color cartridge that can do all the colors.”

Customer: “Really? How they can put that many colors in one cartridge?”

Me: “They put only blue, red and yellow, and they’re mixed to make all the colors.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds cool. But how will the printer know which color goes where if I don’t tell it?”

Large Signs, Larger Bags, And Even Larger Egos

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(A customer with a large bag enters the store.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. You’re going to have to check your bag there up at the front counter.”

Customer: “Why?! I’ve never had to before!”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s store policy.”

Customer: “No it isn’t! You’re doing this just because I’m not white! I guess non-white people aren’t welcome here!”

Me: “You’re more than welcome here, but it’s store policy that all shoppers check their bags.”

Customer: “Show me a sign that says this is your policy!”

(I take her up front and show her the large, bright-red sign with bold, white letters that says customers are required to check their bags before shopping.)

Customer: “You put this out because you saw me coming!”

Finally Seeing The (Red) Light

| Montreal, Canada | Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that say ‘change toner’. What must I do to fix that?”

Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

Customer: “What is a toner?”

Me: “It’s the ink that your printer need to print on the paper.”

Customer: “What! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser directly write on the paper without ink?”

Don’t Count On Intelligence

| New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Top

Customer: “How much is this? I’m kind of bad at math.”

Me: “Sure. It come to $10.20.”

(The customer hands me a $10 bill.)

Customer: “Here you go.”

Me: “Alright, I need at least 20 more cents.”

Customer: “Oh…alright.”

(The customer puts down five pennies.)

Customer: “Is that enough?”

Me: “15 more cents.”

(The customer puts down a dime.)

Me: “Alright you have $10.15 now.”

(The customer puts down 5 more pennies, but takes away the $10 bill.)

Me: “Alright, you have the right amount of change. But I need that $10 bill.”

Customer: “But this is 20!”

Me: “20 cents. And your total is $10.20.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it.”

(The customer hands me a $1 bill.)

Me: “I’ll need that $10 bill you had before.”

(The customer gives me the $10 bill and begins to take away the 20 cents.)

Me: “Wait…actually no you’re good. That’s the right amount.”