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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

    Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

    Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

    Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

    Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”

    Unobservant About The Unmentionables

    | Saint Peters, MO, USA | Top

    (It’s my first day at work, and I’m putting away packages of little girls’ underwear. I don’t know the section, so I walk around for several minutes, holding the packages of underwear, trying to figure out where they go. A customer walks up with two of her kids in tow.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You’re disgusting. This is a public place, you pervert!”

    Me: “Uh, miss–”

    Customer: *jabs me in the chest with a finger* “You’re a filthy pervert! This is appalling! People can see you, you know!*

    Me: “Ma’am, I work here.”

    (I point to my logo’d shirt and my lanyard with my name tag on it.)

    Customer: “Oh. My. God. I am so sorry!” *runs out of the store with her kids*

    Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

    | Leeds, UK | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

    Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18 rated game?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

    Me: “It contains sex.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Violence.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Bad Language.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Drug Usage.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

    Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

    (The customer hands the game over to me and walks out.)

    (Bra)ce Yourself

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A very elderly female customer walks up to the register and hands over an empty hanger.)

    Me: “Excuse me ma’am, but what exactly was on this empty hanger?”

    Customer: “This!” *very elderly customer lifts up shirt to reveal bra*

    Me: “Oh…oh God.”

    If You Can’t Bear Them, Join Them

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I like that little teddy bear with the sweater. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the teddy bear comes with this gift set of fragrance and body wash. It’s $30.”

    Customer: “No. Just the bear.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I have no way to just ring up the bear as it comes with the gift set only.”

    Customer: “Then how do I get the bear?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to buy this gift set. It’s a very popular and only $30.”

    Customer: “No, thank you. I’ll just take the bear today. How much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do have a good deal for the holidays. I can sell you the bear, for only $30, and not only that, but I will throw in this fragrance gift set, just for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you so very much, dear!”

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