We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

Me: “And what is that?”

Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

Customer: “I understand that. but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

Me: “And why is that, sir?”

Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

A Dollar In The Hand Is Worth Zero In The Wallet

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Your total is $10.27, ma’am.”

Customer: *waves a piece of paper* “Is this a coupon?”

Me: “Not exactly. If you put your email address on it, we’ll send it to corporate and they’ll send you store updates, which will also have a coupon in the first email you receive.”

Customer: “Oh, great! Thanks!” *turns to leave*

Me: “Ma’am, you still need to pay.”

Customer: “I just did.”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you didn’t. Your total is $10.27.”

Customer: “Well, now I know I paid! I remember you saying $10.27 before.”

Me: “Yes, I did, but you didn’t pay me the last time I said it, either.”

Customer: “So, you know what that means?” *reaches for her unpaid items*

Me: *takes back her unpaid items* “…that you can’t have this until you pay for it?”

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again!”

Pants-Fulfilling Prophecy

| Salisbury, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(A coworker of mine is looking through racks of clothes, trying to find where a shirt goes. A customer and her friend approaches her as she’s doing this.)

Customer: “Why the h*** are you following us?”

Coworker: “Um…sorry?”

Customer: “You don’t have to follow us around the whole store. I’m not going to steal some cheap $5 shirt.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to figure out where this shirt goes.”

Customer: “Shouldn’t you know where it goes? You do work here!”

Coworker: “Sorry, ma’am, they change the layout every few days.”

Customer: “I should sue you for discrimination!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, if I thought you were going to steal from us, the manager would be following you, not me.”

Customer: “Whatever! We’re leaving!”

(As the customer turns away, my coworker notices a tag sticking out from the pants of the woman who was with the angry customer.)

Coworker: “Tell your friend that she can pay for that shirt she’s trying to steal at the front of the store.”

Customer’s friend: “S**T!”

(The customer and her friend both bolt from the store, dropping the shirt in the process.)

Uncouth Bluetooth

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(A cellphone customer walks up to my counter with a suspicious look on her face.)

Customer: “Listen…you’ve got to help me! It’s my neighbors, they’re spying on me!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to assist you in any way I can, ma’am. Is this related to your cell phone in some way…?”

Customer: “Yes! They’re spying on me in my shower, with… bluetooths! And the camera on my phone!”

(I glance at her phone, noting that it is neither bluetooth-capable or a camera phone.)

Me: “Well, your phone lacks both of those capabilities, so I don’t think you need to worry.”

Customer: “BUT THEY ARE! THEY STOLE THE PICTURES FROM MY PHONE AND PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Have you tried calling the police about this?”

Customer: “You’re in on it, too, aren’t you?!” *grabs her things and scurries off*

Extramarital Appliances

| Freehold, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Could you show me how to use my phone?”

Me: “Um…sure. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been told these new phones come with voice control features. Is that true?”

Me: “Yes sir, just hold the home button to activate the voice control feature.”

Customer: “That’s it? That’s so easy!” *customer picks up the phone* “Call…my wife.”

(Nothing happens.)

Customer: “Why isn’t it calling my wife?”

Me: “Do you have her listed in your phone book as your wife?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Yeah. I’m pretty sure the phone isn’t going to know who you’re married to.”

Page 337/455First...335336337338339...Last