November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

| Cleveland, OH, US | At The Checkout, Money, Top

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

Me: “…and what is your home address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

| Salem, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

| United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(An old woman comes into the store, looking very distressed.)

Customer: “Have you seen my cat?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “He looks like this.” *holds up a badly drawn picture* “I got my grandson to draw me it.”

Me: “I don’t think you’ll find your lost cat with that picture.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a dog.”

Customer: “Oh. But can you put this up in your shop window for me though? Just give him some pointy ears.”

The Day The Music Died

| Santa Maria, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I am checking out a customer buying an MP3 player.)

Customer: “Does this come charged?”

Me: “I don’t think so, why?”

Customer: “Well, I want to listen to it on the way home.”

Me: “But there’s nothing on it.”

Customer: “There’s not? Where’s all the music then?”