Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,938 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Note From God: Waters & Land First, Then Creatures

    , | Devon, UK |

    Customer: “I would like a refund, I found all my fish that I bought from you two days ago dead this morning.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. How old was the tank?”

    (As long as the customer has followed our advice, we can refund or replace any fish lost.)

    Customer: “A week.”

    Me: “Right, so you put the fish in two days ago? The tank had been running for a week prior to that with the filter on 24/7? And you had everything in the tank before you put the fish in?”

    Customer: “I did it just as you advised me to last week and everything was in the tank except the gravel, which I put in yesterday afternoon.”

    Me: “So you put the gravel into the tank when the fish were already in there?”

    Customer: “Yes. I would like those fish replaced, please.”

    (Note: pouring gravel on fish’s heads = bad idea. We did give her replacements, but these fish could not be refunded.)

    Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

    Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

    Me: “Homma what?”

    Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

    Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

    Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

    Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

    Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

    We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Can

    , | Florida, USA |

    (I was working at the paint desk when a customer calls the store.)

    Customer: “Can you mix up my paint and have it ready when I get there? I have the formula.”

    Me: “I can take the formula and stage it, but I can’t mix it until you arrive. What is the formula on the can?”

    Customer: “It’s got 20% Magenta, 30% Cyan, 30% Yellow Oxide, and 30% White.”

    Me: “It says that on the can?”

    Customer: “No, that’s what I had them put in last time.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s more than 100%. The formula you gave me is impossible to make.”

    Customer: “I’ll just come down there and have someone who understands make it for me.” *click*

    Pure, Uncut Cyan & Magenta

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Customer: *looking at the printer ink* “Holy crap, this s*** is expensive!”

    Me: “Well, we do price match any local competitor. All you have to do is–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “You guys are like the modern-day crack dealers!”

    Me: “Modern-day crack dealers?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you sell the printers for real cheap and then you get us on the ink!”

    Me: “Right…well, that’s how we get ya!”

    The Bruce Lee Fantasy Will Have To Wait

    , | California, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a middle-aged mother for a Nintendo Wii System she’s buying for her son.)

    Me: “Would you like to buy a Nunchuk as well?”

    Customer: “H*** YEAH!”

    Me: *taken aback by her enthusiasm* “All right…the Nunchuk is $19.99.”

    Customer: “Only twenty bucks? My kid’s gonna love it.”

    Me: *holding up the controller* “Uh, the Nunchuk is a controller…it’s just this right here.”

    Customer: “Oh…then never mind.”

    Page 336/418First...334335336337338...Last