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    PEBMAC

    , | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (A lady came in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she called me 30 minutes later.)

    Me: “Yes ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

    Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

    Me: Um…it’s the big black square on the front.”

    Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

    Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

    Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

    Me: “Ma’am…the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD Drive built in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

    (I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

    Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

    Me: “Ma’am…do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

    (I can hear a big clunk as the flips the computer upright on the desk.)

    Customer: “Um…I have to go now.” *click*

    Related: PEBKAC (Wikipedia definition)

    Better Safe Than Smart

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It’s a neoprene laptop case.”

    Customer: “For what?”

    Me: “It’s just a more snug case for your laptop.”

    Customer: “For what?”

    Me: “It’s just to protect your laptop if it’s put in a bag or briefcase.”

    Customer: “You mean, to protect all of my other stuff?”

    Me: “Well yes, to protect all your other stuff from damaging your laptop.”

    Customer: “No. Will this case protect my computer from damaging all my stuff?”

    Me: “It is padded…”

    Customer: “Good, because it’s cheaper than the anti-virus software.”

    Me: *gives up* “…it will definitely protect the things in your
    backpack from getting viruses.”

    Victoria’s Secret Is Out

    | Texas, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *pulls out a bra from a bag*

    Me: “Ok, is there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: Well yeah, duh. I wouldn’t be returning it if it was fine, would I?!”

    Me: “Ok – what is the reason you are returning it?”

    Customer: “It squeaks…”

    Me: “The bra…? The bra squeaks?”

    Customer: “Yes, it makes noises.”

    Me: “The bra makes noises?”

    (By this time everyone standing in line starts laughing at her and making comments.)

    Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare laugh at me – inferior creatures!”

    (People in line now really start to laugh.)

    Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m really sorry the bra makes noises, but I cannot return this, you’ve worn it. You can’t return an–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “LORD! Give me patience! Or I will strangle this creature of yours! Now, Mr. A**hole, you are going to give me my money back for this thing. I cannot be walking around with a talking bra on me – people will think I’m nuts!”

    But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

    , , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

    Me: “You all set?”

    Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

    Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

    Satan Needs The Nougat

    | Florida, USA |

    (A mother and her young son come up to me, each with their own items to buy. I finish ringing up the mother and start with the little boy.)

    Mother: *to son* “Isn’t it nice to buy your toys with your own money?”

    Son: “Yeah.”

    (The son begins to reach over the conveyor belt for some candy.)

    Mother: “Oh, you don’t need that. Put it back.”

    Me: *to the boy* “Your total is $6.66.”

    Mother: “Oh, no, no, no! Buy that candy!”

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