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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Closing Early Has Grim Reaper-cussions

    | Midland, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7pm. A couple is at my lane at 8:30pm.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”

    Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh well.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, she’s old enough to die anyway.”

    To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

    Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

    Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

    Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

    Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

    Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

    Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works son. I’ll just buy this one.”

    Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

    Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”

    We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

    Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

    Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

    Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

    Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”

    Unobservant About The Unmentionables

    | Saint Peters, MO, USA | Top

    (It’s my first day at work, and I’m putting away packages of little girls’ underwear. I don’t know the section, so I walk around for several minutes, holding the packages of underwear, trying to figure out where they go. A customer walks up with two of her kids in tow.)

    Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You’re disgusting. This is a public place, you pervert!”

    Me: “Uh, miss–”

    Customer: *jabs me in the chest with a finger* “You’re a filthy pervert! This is appalling! People can see you, you know!*

    Me: “Ma’am, I work here.”

    (I point to my logo’d shirt and my lanyard with my name tag on it.)

    Customer: “Oh. My. God. I am so sorry!” *runs out of the store with her kids*

    Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

    | Leeds, UK | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

    Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18 rated game?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

    Me: “It contains sex.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Violence.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Bad Language.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Drug Usage.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

    Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

    (The customer hands the game over to me and walks out.)

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