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    Bipartisan Barware

    | Rhode Island, USA |

    Customer: “You used to carry those drinking glasses that are shaped like soda pop bottles. ¬†Do you still have them?”

    Me: “I believe so. Let me check with that department.”

    Associate, over walkie talkie: “Yes, we do have some. They’re in the barware section.”

    Me, to customer: “Ok, ma’am, we do have some–”

    Customer: “No, I was just back there, and you only have the really big ones and the ones that are too small. ¬†You used to have the medium-sized ones that are just right. ¬†I told the boy back there that I needed the medium-sized ones.”

    Me: “So… you already spoke to the department associate?”

    Customer: “Yes, and he said that you don’t have them anymore. But I know that you do, because I saw Hillary Clinton drinking from one of them on the debates last night!”

    Me, to the associate: “Are we out of stock on those glasses, or are they discontinued?”

    Associate: “Discontinued. ¬†I already spoke to someone about these glasses…”

    Me, to customer: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it looks like we’re not going to be carrying that particular size anymore–

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! He’s lying!”

    Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

    Customer: “He’s lying! ¬†I saw Hillary Clinton drinking out of one of these g**d*** glasses last night on the debate! And you’re trying to tell me that they don’t make them anymore?! ¬†I don’t think so. ¬†Why are you all lying?! ¬†If Hillary Clinton can drink out of one of these glasses, then they obviously are still making them!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not saying that they’re not being made anymore. ¬†I’m saying that we’re no longer carrying that particular size in our store, that’s all.”

    Customer: “Lies!¬†I bet if Hillary Clinton came in here and asked for those glasses, you people would get off your a**es and check the back room for her!”

    Me: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

    Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

    Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

    Thou Shalt Grant Me A Floor Model

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy this TV, but I want a discount.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not authorized to give discounts. ”

    Customer: “Ever?”

    Me: “Only on floor models.”

    Customer: “Then I want the floor model!”

    Me: “We’re only authorized to sell the floor model when we’re out of boxed product. Since the TV you want is right there on the shelf brand-new, I don’t have any reason to sell you the floor model. ¬†If I did that I’d just have to open another one.”

    Customer: “But I want a discount! I’m a missionary!”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “I’m a missionary! I need this TV for my RV so I want a discount.”

    Me: “Let me get a manager for you…”

    (Yes, the manager sold him the floor model for 10% off.)

    Simultaneously Fighting And Financing The Man

    | Denmark |

    (This took place at a department store makeup counter. Everyone at the counter was wearing big makeup masks at the time.)

    Customer: “Why are you wearing that?”

    Me: “Well, we’re having a ‘theme day’ to be creative and have fun with the makeup we sell.”

    Customer: “You know it’s bad for you, right?”

    Me: “The makeup?”

    Customer: “Yeah! All the CLEVER people say that!”

    Coworker: *jumping in* “Well, we have educations here too, and–”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure…you’re educated to sell this…this, stuff!”

    Me: “Whether the makeup is bad for you or not depends on the ingredients. I’m happy to look every one of those up for you if you’re worried about the makeup harming you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, right. All the dangerous ingredients are going to go right through my skin…and…the CLEVER people say that!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m a chemistry major as well as a makeup artist, so I actually do know about the ingredients. I can assure you that–”

    Customer: *turns to my coworker* “Could you help me find a blusher in a color that would suit me, please?”

    Way TooOOOOH Much Information

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

    Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

    Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

    Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

    Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

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