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    Walking A Thin Line

    | New York, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss – what size are you?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want to buy these pants for my granddaughter, my dear, and she’s about your size.”

    Me: “Oh, well…the jeans I’m wearing right now are from this store, and they’re a size 4.”

    Customer: “WELL! She is certainly not that fat!”

    Me: “Um, well, sometimes people carry their weight differently. Perhaps she would fit in a size 2 better?”

    Customer: “My dear, I didn’t mean to offend you – you’re not too fat. My granddaughter is small. And a big hussy. That’s why I want to buy her new pants. She looks like such a tramp.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I suppose maybe I’ll just buy her a blouse instead.”

    You Said It, Not Me

    | Maui, Hawaii, USA |

    (A customer comes up with credit card bill.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to make a payment.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I take the bill and notice it’s actually for a different store.)

    Customer: “My wife went and bought a bunch of stuff, so I gotta pay the bill.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t really know how else to say this but this is a [other store] card.”

    Customer: “I’m in [our store] aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re too nice. You should have just said ‘Get the f*** out. You’re in the wrong store!’”

    The Queen Has Left The Building

    | Hanover, MA, USA |

    Customer, to a female employee: “You know who you look like? Elvis…”

    Female employee: “…Thanks?”

    Jason Voorhees Finds Work

    | St Paul, MN, USA |

    Customer: “You’re scary.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You’re scary. Your face is scary.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t change how my face looks.”

    Customer: “You need to. You work in a store. You need to be less scary. Change your face.”

    Me: “…again, I’m sorry my face scares you. Have a good day.”

    Speaking Of Analog To Digital Transitions…

    , | Savannah, GA, USA |

    (An elderly man walks into my cellphone store.)

    Customer: “My phone doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, what is it doing?”

    Customer: “It’s not calling.”

    Me: “Did anything happen before it quit working?”

    Customer: “No, it just quit.”

    Me: “I’m going to do a test call. Can I call your phone, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes. It rings, it just wont call.”

    Me: “Hmm, okay. If it takes calls, it should send calls.”

    (I call his phone and it works.)

    Customer: “Well, it doesn’t call out! Are you stupid?”

    (I call my phone with his and it works. I show him my ringing phone)

    Me: “Sir, it seems like your phone is working. It’s calling my phone now.”

    Customer: “NO! Call [phone number].”

    Me: “So, it’s only not working when you call that number?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “There must be a problem with that person’s phone…”

    Customer: “NO! I have to call them! It must be YOUR fault!”

    (I call the number and hear an electronic signal.)

    Me: “Sir, it’s a fax number.”

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