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    Batteries And Brains Not Included

    | Surrey, BC, Canada |

    Me: “[Video game store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

    Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

    Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

    Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

    (At this point, caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

    Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous, you have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

    Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

    Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

    Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

    Caller: “I don’t have a f***ing TV!”

    Size Matters Of The Heart

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Top

    (A customer and his wife came in to look for a TV to buy.)

    Me: “Well, we have this 52″ Toshiba…”

    Husband: *to his wife* “Well, bigger is always better. Right, hon?”

    Wife: “I wouldn’t know…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

    Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

    Customer: “I really like this one.”

    Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

    Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

    Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

    Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

    Yogi Says Yum To Spicy Humans

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.”

    Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?”

    Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!”

    Me: “Did you read the instructions?”

    Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.”

    Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?”

    Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you?

    Always Right, Even When Ripping Themselves Off

    | Albany, NY, USA |

    (The store I work has two deals: a buy three, get the cheapest item free promo, and a 40% off the most expensive item coupon. The customer comes up with three equally priced items and hands me the coupon.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, you can’t combine offers so you’ll only be able to use one promo–buy two, get one free or the 40% off. You’d save more if you use the buy two, get one free offer so you can keep the coupon for another time.”

    Customer: “Well, let me do two transactions then.”

    Me: “I could, but then you’d be spending more than you’d need to.”

    Customer: “Nooo…I’d get one free and one for 40% off!”

    Me: “No, that’s not how it works. See, if you buy these two, you’d get this third item free. So you’d only be paying for two items. However, if you split them up, the “buy two, get one free” offer is no longer valid because you need three items to get one free. So you’d pay for two items and then on your second transaction, you’d be paying for a third item.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but it’d be 40% off.”

    Me: “Yes, but if you did it in one transaction, you wouldn’t have to pay for a third item at all.”

    Customer: “Just let me do two transactions!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, sorry, I’ll ring you out now.”

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    Always Right, Even When Trafficking People
    Always Right, Even If It Requires Changing The Space-Time Continuum

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