October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Driving On The Blind Side Of Caution

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A couple comes up to me and points to the traffic intersection just outside the store.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what is that strange beeping sound that is happening when the lights change?”

Me: “Oh, that is the audio signal system to let blind or visually impaired people know when to cross the street. Each way has its own sound.”

Customer’s Wife: “You let your blind people drive?!”

Matchless Yet Priceless

| San Diego, CA , USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that will be $230.11.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $75 for it.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “$110.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our prices are set.”

Customer: “Okay. $159.”

Me: “I am really sorry. I can’t bring it down from $230.11. If you’d like, I can help you pick out something within your price range?”

Customer: “Fine. Throw in that and I’ll get out of your hair.” (Points to a $100 hand held massager.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So much for price match! F*** this!” *leaves*

Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter, Part 2

| NL, Canada | Uncategorized

(One of my regulars comes to my cash with her small child. The mother is very much pregnant.)

Me: “Oh hello, [mother] and [daughter], how are you today?”

Customer: “We’re great!” *turns to daughter* “Tell [me] what Mommy is going to have in September!”

Customer’s daughter: “A baby!”

Me: “Really? What do you hope it’ll be?”

Customer’s Daughter: “A puppy!”

Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter

Cold But Not Calculating

| Australia | Uncategorized

(There is a deal at my store that reduces the prices on DVDs if you get five or more. A customer rings up 4 DVDs.)

Me: “So, you know if you get another movie, it’ll cost you fifty cents less than what you have right now?”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “Um, well, we have this deal…”

Customer: “If I wanted another DVD, I would have gotten one before. And I would pay for it, too, because I believe in the system we have running here. I don’t need no filthy communist telling me how to use my money!”

Me: “I really don’t think that’s how communism works, but okay. That’ll be eight bucks.”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me how communism works! I fought in that war!”

Me: “Which war?”

Customer: “The Cold War!”

Not Enough Oxygen In The Brain

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. You’ve reached [company]. How may we help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I recently purchased a carbon-monoxide detector thingies from here, and I was just wondering what to do if it goes off?”

Me: “Well, you would have to call emergency services and leave your house immediately.”

Customer: “Okay.” *long pause* “Could you hang up please? My phone broke and won’t let me end conversations but I have to call 911.”

Me: “Wait. Your alarm is going off? Ma’am, that’s dangerous! Get out of your house now!”

Customer: “Oh, I threw it in the garbage disposal, it’s okay.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Hey, like I said before, could you hang up?”

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