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    The Bruce Lee Fantasy Will Have To Wait

    , | California, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a middle-aged mother for a Nintendo Wii System she’s buying for her son.)

    Me: “Would you like to buy a Nunchuk as well?”

    Customer: “H*** YEAH!”

    Me: *taken aback by her enthusiasm* “All right…the Nunchuk is $19.99.”

    Customer: “Only twenty bucks? My kid’s gonna love it.”

    Me: *holding up the controller* “Uh, the Nunchuk is a controller…it’s just this right here.”

    Customer: “Oh…then never mind.”

    A.I.: Alarming Idiocy

    | Burbank, IL, USA |

    (I pick up a phone call transferred from our operator and hear what’s clearly a kid on the phone with parents in the background.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling Burbank ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, my video game system stopped working. I want you to fix it.”

    Me: “Well, what seems to be the problem with the system?”

    Customer: “There’s red lights on it – is that those ‘rings of death’?”

    Me: “The red lights are kind of an error message – when did purchase the system?”

    Customer: “It’s like a year old.”

    Me: “Did you purchase our protection plan?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “OK, you’d have to contact Customer Service for that manufacturer to see if they would still cover the product.”

    Customer: “Oh, I bought it at ****.” *naming our competitor* “Would I call them? Could they fix it? I don’t want to talk to the robots!”

    Me: “Yeah, if you bought it at another retailer you should probably either contact them or the manufacturer–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “I said no robots; I don’t want to talk to the robots!”

    Me: “OK…you can file a claim on the manufacturer’s website, or call the retailer you actually purchased the system from. There’s nothing I can really do for you if you didn’t purchase it through our store.”

    Customer: *whining* “I don’t want to talk to the robots! I’ll have my mom call the robots.” *hangs up*

    Me: “…”

    Homeland Insecurity

    , | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a man who is buying a new laptop.)

    Customer: “So, what are your ethnicities?”

    (This question didn’t strike me as odd, as people have wondered in the past.)

    Me: “Half European and half Middle Eastern.”

    Customer: “Oh, so like one of those terrorists…. just watered-down.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m not watered-down, sir.” *holds out his receipt, smirking*

    (The customer looks a bit freaked, grabs his receipt and takes off quickly with his stuff–except for his credit card.)

    Deception School Drop-Out

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Your total is $42.98.”

    Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. Those pillows are on sale.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just got these pillows in today. They won’t be on sale for at least a few more weeks.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They say they’re on sale! You have to give me the sale price.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll double-check for you, but I already sold a few others today and no one else paid a sale price for them.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? Because I already checked! They all say they’re on sale!”

    (She points to the price tags on the pillows that have been haphazardly covered up by sale stickers.)

    Me: “Yes, and those sale stickers also say that these pillows are napkins.”

    Related:
    Fact Check Fail
    Fibbing Fail
    Cheapskates: FAIL
    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    No More Teddy In Beddy

    , | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, what brings you into [toy store]?”

    Customer: “Just looking around… all of my grandkids are too old for stuffed animals.”

    Me: “There are a lot of adults who come in who collect them.”

    Customer: “I saw a lot of college kids in here over the summer getting them.”

    Me: “Actually, I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night.”

    Customer: “You know what you need to do… you need to get yourself a man!”

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