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    Random Acts Of Drunkenness

    | South Carolina, USA |

    (A customer stumbles up to the counter, obviously drunk, with a four year-old girl in tow.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, uh, my camera’s broken.”

    Me: “Sir, it looks like the camera’s been dropped.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I dropped it.”

    Me: “Do you have your receipt from the purchase with you, by chance?”

    Customer: “Sure…” *hands receipt to me*

    Me: “Okay sir, I see here that you bought an accidental coverage warranty when you bought the camera, so the good news is that it will cover having it repaired at one of our service centers. ¬†We’ll just have to send it off, and it should arrive back at the store in about two weeks.”

    Customer: “No! You’re supposed to give me a new camera.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t exchange your camera because it’s about six months outside of our return policy, and our warranties don’t cover product replacement without attempting repairs first.”


    Me: “I apologize, but there’s not much else I can do ¬†If you’d like, I can get you my supervisor and see what he says.”

    Customer: “YEAH, YOU BETTER GO GET HIM!”

    (I bring my supervisor over, and the supervisor confirms that we can
    only repair the camera.)


    Supervisor: “Well, we can either have the camera repaired, or you can bring home a broken camera today, if you’d like.”


    (Two weeks pass, and the same customer comes back in to pick up his repaired camera, again obviously drunk.)

    Me: “Here’s your camera, sir. The warranty fully covered the repair, so you’re all good to go. By the way, how did things go with your daughter’s birthday?”

    Customer: “Oh, it was GREAT! Thank you so much for fixing my camera. You guys are real lifesavers!¬†I’m gonna buy stuff here every chance I get!”

    Note From God: Waters & Land First, Then Creatures

    , | Devon, UK |

    Customer: “I would like a refund, I found all my fish that I bought from you two days ago dead this morning.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. How old was the tank?”

    (As long as the customer has followed our advice, we can refund or replace any fish lost.)

    Customer: “A week.”

    Me: “Right, so you put the fish in two days ago? The tank had been running for a week prior to that with the filter on 24/7? And you had everything in the tank before you put the fish in?”

    Customer: “I did it just as you advised me to last week and everything was in the tank except the gravel, which I put in yesterday afternoon.”

    Me: “So you put the gravel into the tank when the fish were already in there?”

    Customer: “Yes. I would like those fish replaced, please.”

    (Note: pouring gravel on fish’s heads = bad idea. We did give her replacements, but these fish could not be refunded.)

    Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

    Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

    Me: “Homma what?”

    Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

    Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

    Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

    Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

    Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

    We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Can

    , | Florida, USA |

    (I was working at the paint desk when a customer calls the store.)

    Customer: “Can you mix up my paint and have it ready when I get there? I have the formula.”

    Me: “I can take the formula and stage it, but I can’t mix it until you arrive. What is the formula on the can?”

    Customer: “It’s got 20% Magenta, 30% Cyan, 30% Yellow Oxide, and 30% White.”

    Me: “It says that on the can?”

    Customer: “No, that’s what I had them put in last time.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s more than 100%. The formula you gave me is impossible to make.”

    Customer: “I’ll just come down there and have someone who understands make it for me.” *click*

    Pure, Uncut Cyan & Magenta

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Customer: *looking at the printer ink* “Holy crap, this s*** is expensive!”

    Me: “Well, we do price match any local competitor. All you have to do is–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “You guys are like the modern-day crack dealers!”

    Me: “Modern-day crack dealers?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you sell the printers for real cheap and then you get us on the ink!”

    Me: “Right…well, that’s how we get ya!”

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