November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

| Long Island, NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

Me: “Well, there’s only eight planets on the mobile. So no, it does not.”

Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

Totally Randumb

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “Okay, so I can’t decide what color I should get. Green, blue, or pink?”

Me: “Well, I really like the green.”

Customer: “No, no, never mind, I’ll just flip a coin.”

(Tries to find a coin in her pocket.)

Me: “I have a penny, if you’d like it.”

Customer: “Nah, I’m fine. I’ll just flip the coin in my head.”

Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

| Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

Death Refunds Her

| Minnesota, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. They were my mother’s, but she died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay. Here’s the receipt.”

Me: “Did she wear these pants?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “The tags are off.”

Customer: “She just did that to try them on.”

Me: “But there’s a Kleenex in the pocket.”

Customer: “Well, she’s not going to be wearing them anymore. She died.”

Me: “I understand, but if there wasn’t anything wrong with them and they’ve already been worn then I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Wouldn’t you rather let someone buy them who is going to wear them?”

Me: “That’s not for me to decide. If there’s nothing wrong with them, I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Well, there’s something wrong then! They have a hole in them.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Where’s the hole?”

*long pause*

Customer: “You should just automatically make refunds for dead people!”

Fanning The Flames

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A customer wants a specific electric fireplace that is discontinued and so we cant order it. One of my colleagues says that they will go to nearby store after their shift and get one. The customer comes in the next day to collect it.)

Me: “Okay, because this is discontinued and we don’t stock it here, you won’t be able to return it unless it’s faulty.”

Customer: “Why would I want to return it? I’m not a moron like you are!”

(He storms out but comes back in the next day.)

Customer: “This fireplace won’t work! You put me through all this trouble and you gave me a faulty product! I will report you to your manager for all the stress this has caused!”

Me: “Sir, the box is still sealed. You haven’t even opened it yet.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, my wife didn’t like it. Can I return it?”