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    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2

    , | Fort Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Why do you people keep calling me!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Ever since I bought this blasted phone the only phone calls I have gotten are from you people! I want you to stop calling me!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what-”

    Customer: “You know exactly what I’m talking about! How can you be so rude as to call someone’s house to bother them? Other people are trying to get through and are complaining to me because they aren’t getting a hold of me at home!”

    Me: “Do you have it with you?”

    Customer: “YES!” *pulls the phone out of purse* “LOOK! Right there! It’s your people’s number! It’s so rude!”

    (When you buy the phones, they have a sticker over the caller ID screen with our 1800 number on it. She hands me the phone with the sticker still on it.)

    Me: “It’s okay, ma’am, we haven’t been calling you, there’s simply this sticker on the screen.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question?”

    Me: *removes the sticker* “See? It was just a sticker. That’s all it was…”

    Customer: “So the number isn’t on the phone now?”

    Me: “Nope, our number won’t be on your phone anymore.”

    Customer: “Does this mean you people will leave me alone?”

    Me: “Yes, I promise our corporate headquarters will stop calling you now.”

    Customer: “Ok, thank you!”

    Related:
    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Mmm, Moisturizer

    | Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to return this lotion. It gives me a rash.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (The customer hands me her used lotion. Half the bottle has been used up.)

    Customer: “What do you do with the returned lotion?”

    Me: “Well, since this is used, I have to mark it out and throw the product away.”

    Customer: “Like, in the garbage?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “But there are starving children in China!”

    Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde, Part 2

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I’m ringing up a sweater for a customer at the till.]

    Customer: “This isn’t for me. It’s for that homeless guy across the street.”

    Me: “That’s very kind of you, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I know! It’s important to give back to the less fortunate.”

    (As I’m finishing with the transaction, she’s glances around the store.)

    Customer: “Wow, it’s pretty dead in here.”

    Me: “Yeah, we get a slow day every now and again.”

    Customer: “Well, I know that. I figured there would be a lot of people cashing their welfare cheques today.”

    (I’m not sure what to day to that, so I finish the transaction. As I’m putting the sweater in the bag with the rest of her items…)

    Customer: “Woah! Put that in a different bag, please. I don’t want that bum’s sweater touching my stuff!”

    Related:
    Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde

    What A Quack

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store] where you can get great back to school fashions. This is Cara speaking, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any duck things?”

    Me: “Duck things? What sort of duck things, sir?”

    Customer: “Duck things.”

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do you have any duck key chains?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What about duck earrings?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh. Did you know I have over two hundred stuffed ducks?”

    Me: “That’s… awesome?”

    Customer: “They have neck braces. We got in a car accident, me and my stuffed ducks.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I gave my ducks neck braces.”

    Me: “I really–”

    Customer: “The doctor had to wrap me in twelve blankets!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

    Me: “No, but why don’t you try calling another [store]? We’re low volume, so we have less than the other ones.”

    Customer: “I have lots of stuffed ducks, you know. They have neck braces because we got in a car accident.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I have another customer. I really have to let you go.”

    Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “Have a nice day!” *hangs up*

    Gastronomically Priced Apparel

    , | Columbia, MD, USA | Uncategorized

    (While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

    Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

    Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

    Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

    Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

    Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

    Customer: “Oh…why didn’t anybody tell me?”

    Me: “Did you ask someone?”

    Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

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