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    As Easy As 1, 3, 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi. I ordered a movie awhile back and I was wondering if it’s in yet.”

    Me: *checking the order history* “Unfortunately is hasn’t arrived yet. We’re still waiting on the distributor to send it to us.”

    Customer: “Oh, well how long is it going to take? ¬†I’ve been waiting for three months.”

    Me: “Actually my records indicate that you ordered the movie in October.”

    Customer: “Exactly. October, September, November. Three months!”

    They Might Want A See A Doctor About That

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    Elderly Female Customer: “Hello I’m lookin for DVDs by Andre Rieu. Can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure… we have Andre just here on this end rack, then we have him in this stand as well. And we also have a huge section of him in our Easy Listening section, but if head that way, give me a yell and I’ll help you out.”

    Elderly Female Customer: “My, you have a lot of him, don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, he’s rather popular at the moment. Are you going to his tour?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “Yes, I got my ticket first. Most of my friends like him as well. Well, except for two… but they don’t have souls.”

    Me: “…”

    Not For All The Gold In Azeroth

    | Moore, OK, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Electronics. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade in stock?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “How much is it?”

    Me: “$50, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Oh, well… if I sleep with you, can I get your discount?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, unfortunately not.” *hangs up*

    Manager: “You should have told her that you would increase the price of the game if she slept with you…”

    A Match Made In Size 7

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers

    (A couple walk in, the lady in front, the man trailing tiredly behind. The lady spins around the store.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

    Lady: “I need these pants in size 0, pronto.”

    Me: “Who are you getting them for?”

    Lady: “MYSELF! What do you think!”

    (I get her what she wants, she takes them and goes into a change room.)

    Lady: “HEY, these are defective! Get me another pair!”

    Me: “May I suggest a bigger size?”

    Lady: “Are you saying I look fat? That I can’t fit into these pants?! I’ll have you know, I always wear size 0… these pants must be made wrong! Now get me another pair!”

    Man: “Honey, those are really small pants, just try a slightly bigger one.”

    (Without a pause, she turns around and slaps the man.)

    Lady: “Why can’t you just be on my side! That was so rude! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”

    Man: “We don’t live together.”

    Lady: “What do you mean! We moved in last week… remember?”

    Man: “No… we don’t live together.”

    (The lady realizes he’s not caving. She flicks a look at me, then tries a different route.)

    Lady: “Well, I mean, you’re still sleeping on the couch in your own apartment! To show remorse for disrespecting me. Or else!”

    Man: “Or else what?”

    Lady: “Or else I’m dumping you!”

    Man: “… Okay.”

    Lady: “You just–you just like HER, don’t–” *walks out fast, sobbing*

    (The man stayed behind and apologized to me. My shift was ending so we went for dinner, and long story short he’s now my fiance! Couldn’t ask for a better man, and I’ve got to thank that lady someday for making it all possible…)

    Salvation Vs. Business Savvy

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a metal business card case.”

    Me: “Well, we really only carry leather here – would you like me to show them to you?”

    Customer: “No, it needs to be metal. Where can I get one?”

    Me: “Well, I know of a place in the mall, but they market them as cigarette cases. If you just ask the man at the counter for one, he can–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “I ain’t buying no cigarette case, I ain’t no smoker.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you they’re not used or anything, it’s just that the original concept came from cigarette cases, and people adapted them into wallets.”

    Customer: “Well, I ain’t buyin no cigarette case, so you best tell me where I can get a business card case.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the only place I know of. They’re the exact same product: a metal case with two prongs on the inside for–”

    Customer: “I ain’t no heathen woman, and I ain’t gonna carry around no wicked cigarette box while I’m at church! Do you expect me to?!”

    Me: “No ma’am, I just don’t think you’ll find one at that store if you’re asking for a business card case.”

    Customer: “No, you WON’T!” *storms out*

    Me: “…what?”

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