October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

Me: “…and what is your home address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

| Salem, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

| United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(An old woman comes into the store, looking very distressed.)

Customer: “Have you seen my cat?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “He looks like this.” *holds up a badly drawn picture* “I got my grandson to draw me it.”

Me: “I don’t think you’ll find your lost cat with that picture.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a dog.”

Customer: “Oh. But can you put this up in your shop window for me though? Just give him some pointy ears.”

The Day The Music Died

| Santa Maria, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I am checking out a customer buying an MP3 player.)

Customer: “Does this come charged?”

Me: “I don’t think so, why?”

Customer: “Well, I want to listen to it on the way home.”

Me: “But there’s nothing on it.”

Customer: “There’s not? Where’s all the music then?”

Putting The Dumb In Random

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I am checking out a customer and realize that one of the shirts he’s buying doesn’t have a barcode, so I ask a co-worker to find a similar shirt.)

Me: “Do you remember where you found this shirt?”

Customer: “It was on the clearance rack in the men’s department.”

Me: “Alright, my co-worker is looking for it, but it could take a while.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that.”

Me: “Sorry, do you not want the shirt then?”

Customer: “I want the shirt.  I just don’t have time for her to find the dumb thing.”

Me: “Well, there’s really nothing I can do without a number.”

Customer: “Just type some random numbers in.”

Me: “That won’t work.”

Customer: “How do you know? You didn’t even try it.”

Me: “Because I know it won’t work.”

Customer: “Just try.”

(I type in twelve random numbers and press enter, then turn the screen toward him to show a bright red “not a valid number” message.)

Customer: “That’s because you didn’t type the right numbers!”

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