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    Misery Loves, Demands And Harasses Company

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)

    Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids, they ruin your life!”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”

    Customer: “What? Why not?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t know, I guess I don’t want any…”

    Customer: “What?! How old are you?”

    Me: “Twenty-three.”

    Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”

    Cow Skulls For The Numbskulls

    , | Tennessee, USA |

    (A couple from up north comes into our tourist shop.)

    Female Customer: “Oh look, honey!”

    Husband: “Oh, wow!”

    Female Customer: *points to little ceramic cow skull* “Ooh, could I see that?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    Female Customer: “Ooh, this is sooo pretty! What do you call them?”

    Me: “Well, I call them ‘cow skulls.’”

    Female Customer: “Ohhh, honey! She says they’re called “cow skulls”!

    Please Don’t Pet The Employees

    | Dublin, Ireland |

    Customer: “Wow! you look so much like that guy!”

    Me: “Um…what guy, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You know! That rocker guy with that daughter and son.”

    Me: “Do you mean Ozzy Osbourne?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That guy.” *pauses* “You have such a great skin!”

    (The customer begins to grab my face.)

    Me: *starts pulling away* “Uh…ma’am, can you please stop touching my face?”

    Customer: “Why? Come back!”

    Manager: *coming out of his office* “Ma’am, please leave my store and stop harassing my staff!”

    Customer: “But…why can’t I touch his face?”

    Manager: “Out!”

    Related:
    Please Don’t Titillate The Employees
    Please Don’t Feed The Customers

    License To Breed

    | Wales, UK |

    (A blond teen of about 16 or 17 was trying to buy alcohol. She was pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

    Customer: “I just want to buy it, OK?”

    Me: “May I please see some ID?”

    Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

    Me: “Um…that child is not your ID.”

    Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

    Me: “Of course…”

    Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

    Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

    Customer: “God, keep your god**** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

    Caution: Contents Are Highly Enjoyable

    | Lone Tree, CO, USA |

    (A woman called us on the phone after getting home with a video game she’d just purchased.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just bought a video game, and there’s plastic on it.”

    Me: “OK…”

    Customer: “What do I do? Do I take the plastic off?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. You have to in order to get the game.”

    Customer: “But nothing will happen, right?”

    Me: “No. Nothing is going to happen.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

    Customer: “All right. I’ll call back if something happens.”

    (I never heard back. I hope nothing horrible happened.)

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