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    Not A Planet You Want To Piss Off

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I brought in my old printer ink so I know which number to get.”

    Me: “A very good idea. And would you like to recycle your ink cartridge? You can receive money back if you’re a rewards customer.”

    Customer: “A what customer?”

    Me: “It’s a frequent shoppers program that lets you rack up purchases and receive money back on them. When you recycle an ink cartridge, you get $3.00.”

    Customer: “I don’t want no credit card.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s not a credit card, sir. And it’s completely free to sign up.”

    Customer: “No thanks.”

    Me: “All right, would you like to recycle it anyway? We do that here for free.”

    Customer: “Why would I recycle it?”

    Me: “Well, because it’s empty, and you can’t recycle them yourself. It’s better than just throwing it away.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “…because it’s good for the earth?”

    Customer: “What has Earth ever done for me?”

    Me: “Oxygen, sir?”

    Always Right, Even When They’re Not Your Customer

    | Madison, Wisconsin, USA |

    Caller: “I’m having a problem with this adapter. Can you help me out?”

    Me: “I can certainly try. Can you describe it for me?”

    Caller: “Well, it hooks up to a TV and it has these two things coming off of it… I don’t really know how to explain it.”

    Me: “Well… maybe you can tell me what it does? I can go and grab a box off of the shelf and take a look at it.”

    Caller: “I still have the package. Would it help if I read off the model number?”

    Me: “That would be great.”

    (The customer reads me a model number that is longer than anything I have ever seen in my department and it occurs to me…)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t recognize that number. Did you buy this adapter at our store?”

    Caller: “No, you guys didn’t have it so I went to Circuit City instead.”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot help you with an item we don’t sell.”

    Caller: “Well, THANKS a LOT!” *click*

    Related:
    Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor
    Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

    Introducing The Xbox Air

    , | Cortlandt Manor, NY, USA |

    (Note: this was the holiday season that the Xbox 360 came out.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to purchase the “Box 360″.”

    Me: “Oh, the Xbox 360. Well, unfortunately we do not have any more left in store to sell you.”

    Customer: *pointing at display box* “Then what is this? Are you lying to me? Is it because I’m old that you think you can get away with this?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Those boxes are for display purposes only.”

    Customer: “Well, I want one right now.”

    Me: “We don’t have any in stock, but I can special order one for–”

    Customer: “Now listen here, you idiot! I see this box right here and I want to buy my son the Box 360!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a display box. The only thing I can do is special order you one. However, I can guarantee it will be there before Christmas.”

    Customer: “I will take this Box 360 and I am not paying for it!”

    (The customer suddenly throws the display box, resulting in security coming over.)

    Me, to the little boy with her: “Is she usually like that?”

    Little Boy: “Yes, and if she would listen I wanted a PS2!”

    I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit, Part 2

    , | El Paso, TX, USA |

    (My checkout is right at the top of the escalators, with four kids ranging in age from about 7-13 were playing on them.)

    Me: “Guys, please don’t play on the escalators, you could get hurt.”

    (The kids go away for all of a minute, then return.)

    Me: “I asked you to please stop playing on the escalator.”

    (A woman emerges from a display a few yards away.)

    Customer: “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, then please keep them away from the escalators, its dangerous.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”

    (Just then, one of her little kids falls down the escalator.)

    Me: “You were saying, ma’am?”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Related: I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

    An Unsalvageable Lie

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. *hands me a metal, foot-operated garbage bin*

    Me: “Sure, I’ll need the receipt please.”

    Customer: “I don’t have it.”

    Me: “OK, is there any reason why you’re returning it?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my wife didn’t want it.”

    Me: “Did you use it?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I open it to find an old dirty sock.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t take this. There’s a dirty sock in there.”

    Customer: “That was already in there.”

    Me: “…”

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