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    The Princess Is A Royal Pain

    | Utah, USA |

    (A woman came up to my counter in the clothing store I work in. She has a very distressed look on her face.)

    Me: “How can I help you this morning?”

    Customer: “What is this red sticker on the tag of this dress?”

    Me: “That is a clearance sticker. That dress is 40% off.”

    Customer: “But I was here yesterday and it wasn’t on clearance! I’ve been eying that dress for weeks!”

    Me: “Well, today is your lucky day – it went on clearance this morning.”

    Customer: “I can’t buy it on clearance. Can you take that red sticker off the tag?”

    Me: “Are you going to buy this dress?”

    Customer: “I’m going to buy it once you take off that red tag. I don’t want to pay the clearance price.”

    Me: “Even if I remove the sticker the register will still ring it up at clearance price.”

    Customer: “Do I look like I’m the type to buy a dress on clearance?” *holds the dress up dramatically*

    Me: “Are you planning on buying this dress?”

    Customer: “Are you planning on taking off that red sticker?”

    Me: “Not until you pay for it.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand my world.”

    (She left the dress on the counter and walked out of the store.)

    An Insurance Company’s Nightmare

    | California, USA |

    (A customer came in looking for an item to prop up books and papers, making them easier to read without having to use your hands.)

    Me: “You’re looking for a copy holder. We have several different types, and they’re right over here.”

    Customer: *looks over selection* “These won’t work. I need one that will attach to my steering wheel in my car.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything like that. These are just meant to go on your desk next to your computer.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t carry that. Why don’t you sell a book holder for a steering wheel?”

    Me: “Maybe because we don’t want you to read while you’re driving?”

    Meet Satan Clause, Santa’s Maladjusted Brother

    | Michigan, USA |

    (A customer walked in about 30 minutes before we closed on Christmas Eve. We were closing early due to the holiday. Every customer that night was buying last minute gifts.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I help you find?”

    Customer: “A converter Box.”

    Me: “Sure, let me show you what we have.”

    Customer: “What’s this $40 off crap?”

    Me: “If you go to DTV.gov, you can get a coupon for $40 off.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s some mail in rebate scam. Nevermind…”

    Me: “Ok, shall I ring this up for you?”

    Customer: “You seem to be in a bit of a hurry, what’s the rush?”

    Me: “It’s Christmas Eve, and we close in 15 minutes. I want to get the store ready to close so I can leave as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “You’re closing early for what?”

    Me: “Christmas Eve.”

    Customer: “Wow, they give you guys time off for anything these days!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Manager: *facepalm

    Another customer: *bursts out laughing*

    Customer: “What!? Ugh, fine! I’ll take the box!”

    Perspiring & Persistent

    | Toronto, Canada |

    Me: *on the phone* “Good afternoon, this is ***, *** speaking, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a present for my girlfriend. She plays soccer a lot, and I was wondering if you carry Febreeze for her soccer shoes.”

    Me: “Uh, yes sure we do.” *start to list varieties*

    Customer: “That’s good. I really hope she likes it. Would you like it?”

    Me: “Well, it depends on your girlfriend, sir. I may not enjoy the gift, but if you said that she needs it for her soccer shoes then she probably will.”

    Customer: “She says she sweats a lot.”

    Me: “Oh, well, soccer is a very physical game.”

    Customer: “Do YOU sweat a lot?”

    Me: “…um, no, not particularly.”

    Customer: “So you would not like this gift.”

    Me: “No sir, but I’m not your girlfriend.”

    Customer: “Would you like to be?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    DIY Sales

    , | New York City, NY, USA |

    (A woman comes up to the counter where I am manning the register. She has her teenaged daughter in tow.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, we’re just going to get this dress for my daughter. She’s going to her homecoming dance. She finally has a date. For a while we thought she was a lesbian, but then–”

    Customer’s daughter: “MOM! ”

    Me: “Right then. That’ll be $56.99.”

    Customer: “What?! That sign said it was 50% off!”

    Me: “Er, I don’t think so. Let me check the system… Sorry, ma’am, our system says it’s full price.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy! I saw it with my own eyes!” *walks off*

    (I wait on several more customers before the woman comes back, holding a sign that says 50% off, obviously handmade with a marker and a piece of paper.)

    Customer: “See? I told you so.”

    Me: “Ma’am, where did you get that sign?”

    Customer: “I just got it off the rack.”

    Me: “Ma’am, those signs are welded to the rack. It’s apparent you just made that.”

    Customer: “I’m going to sue you for false advertising!”

    Me: “And we’ll sue you for trying to screw us over.”

    Customer’s daughter: “Mom, just stop.”

    Customer: “We’re leaving!”

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