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    Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I worked for a large electronics chain as a repair tech. An older man came up to the counter with a 42″ TV.)

    Customer: “I need to have this TV replaced. I bought it yesterday and it made a ‘buzz’ sound and won’t turn on anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I just need to verify what’s wrong with the TV and then we can look swapping it out for you, if you have your receipt.”

    (I walk over to the TV and notice an odd aroma lingering near it.)

    Me: “Did your TV come into contact with any liquid, sir?”

    Customer: “No…wait–does pee count as liquid?”

    Constructive Criticism For The Music Industry

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, welcome to **** Music, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*

    Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, ‘Before He Cheats’.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me’.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”

    Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”

    Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”

    Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”

    (The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)

    As Shameless As She Is Shirtless

    , | Sliema, Malta | Top

    (I’m second in line to use a dressing room. In front of me is an impatient lady.)

    Customer: “When will I get to use the dressing rooms?”

    Attendant: “Very soon, madam. You’re next in line, so it should be any minute now.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been here ten minutes already!”

    Attendant: “Have some patience, madam. One of the rooms should be free any moment now.”

    (Suddenly, the customer starts to undress right in front of everyone.)

    Attendant: “Madam! Please wait for one of the dressing rooms to be free before you remove any more clothing!”

    (The customer stops, but not before removing her shirt and exposing her bra.)

    Customer: “FINE!”

    (Another customer walks out and the shirtless customer finally walks into a dressing room.)

    Attendant, to me: “Wow… just in time. I didn’t need to see any more of that!”

    (As if on cue, the impatient customer comes back out, but this time she’s completely topless.)

    Topless customer, to attendant: “Here, take this shirt back. It’s too revealing!”

    Teaching The Next Generation

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Top

    (I’m folding clothes when a young girl of about six comes up to me. Her mom is in a nearby fitting room trying clothes on.)

    Girl: “Why do you have to fold those shirts?”

    Me: “Well, they have to look neat on the tables, so I need to fold them.”

    Girl: “So whenever someone looks at a shirt, you have to refold it?”

    Me: “If it gets unfolded, yes.”

    (Just then another customer walks up to the table and proceeds to unfold the top shirt from the pile, look at it, and throw it back down on top of the pile.)

    Girl: “That must get really annoying.”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada |

    (I’m eating lunch at the front desk of our framing shop when I get called to the back. When I return to the front, I notice a customer standing in front of my sandwich at the desk.)

    Customer: “Hi.”

    Me: “Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “No.” *stares at my sandwich*

    Me: “Well, are you in need of assistance?”

    (The woman suddenly snatches up my sandwich.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s my lunch. Please give it back to me.”

    Customer: “I was walking by and I got hungry.”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s a deli down the street. Please do not eat my lunch.”

    Customer: “But it was on the counter. That means it’s complimentary! It’s my sandwich and I’m going to eat it.”

    (At this point, my coworker comes out the back.)

    Coworker, to me: “Isn’t that your lunch?”

    Customer: “It’s my lunch now! MINE.” *starts eating the sandwich* “This has MAYONNAISE in it!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Ham and mayo.”

    Customer: “I hate mayonnaise! It looks and tastes like sperm!” *throws my sandwich on the floor and runs out the door*

    Me: “…What just happened?”

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