November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

If Only They Ran On Hot Air

| Wisconsin, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to ask someone about my watches. It’s not working right. I think it’s broken.”

Me: “Oh. Yes, the second hand doesn’t seem to be moving much. The battery is probably dying.”

Customer: “But my husband bought this for me!”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell batteries here, but I–”

Customer: “He just bought it here!”

Me: “Do you see another one like it in the display?”

Customer: “No! But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “It does look like it’s the battery because the hands are still moving, just not moving on time. It would be unusual for our batteries to die that soon. Do you have the original receipt?

Customer: “Why would I have that? He bought it 3 or 4 years ago!

Me: “Oh. If he bought the watch 3 or 4 years ago, then it probably is the battery.”

Customer: “But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “If it was purchased several years ago, the battery has been running for several years.”

Customer: “But why would it run when I’m not wearing it?!”

Knows Knot Of Mass

| Houghton Lake, MI, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I work for a discount store that sells bulk birdseed that the customer scoops themselves. A customer approaches the counter with a bag that’s quite full but not tied.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?” (I start tying the bag shut so I can lift it on the counter to weigh without spilling.)

Customer: “No! Don’t!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Don’t tie a knot in it or it’ll weigh more!”

Me: “Ma’am. I’m sorry but, how’s that possible?”

Customer: “It’s a knot! They’re heavier!”

ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

| Vermont, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

A Brief Question

| Scotland, United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

(We go through different types and styles.)

Me: “So what size is she?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

(Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

Try Telling That To The Banks

| Garland, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

Me: “How can we help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

Me: “Sure.”

(The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”