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    They’re Starting To Catch On

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I thought I should let you guys know your phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “OK – are you sure you’ve been dialing the correct number?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve been trying 0800-2100 all week, and it never goes through.”

    Me: “…0800-2100? That’s not our number – our number is ****. If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get 0800-2100 from?”

    Customer: “Right there, on your door.” *points*

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a phone number…those are our business hours.”

    Customer: “I’m going to see this on NotAlwaysRight.com, aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes… yes you will. Have a nice day!”

    Continental Confusion

    | South Burlington, VT, USA |

    Customer: “Why are these shoes made in Chile?”

    Me: “Well, I would assume that Chile is where the factory is located.”

    Customer: “But WHY? Where is Chile anyways?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure why, but Chile is located in South America.”

    Customer: “South America? Like down by Alabama?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Bipartisan Barware

    | Rhode Island, USA |

    Customer: “You used to carry those drinking glasses that are shaped like soda pop bottles. ¬†Do you still have them?”

    Me: “I believe so. Let me check with that department.”

    Associate, over walkie talkie: “Yes, we do have some. They’re in the barware section.”

    Me, to customer: “Ok, ma’am, we do have some–”

    Customer: “No, I was just back there, and you only have the really big ones and the ones that are too small. ¬†You used to have the medium-sized ones that are just right. ¬†I told the boy back there that I needed the medium-sized ones.”

    Me: “So… you already spoke to the department associate?”

    Customer: “Yes, and he said that you don’t have them anymore. But I know that you do, because I saw Hillary Clinton drinking from one of them on the debates last night!”

    Me, to the associate: “Are we out of stock on those glasses, or are they discontinued?”

    Associate: “Discontinued. ¬†I already spoke to someone about these glasses…”

    Me, to customer: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it looks like we’re not going to be carrying that particular size anymore–

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! He’s lying!”

    Me: “Umm, excuse me?”

    Customer: “He’s lying! ¬†I saw Hillary Clinton drinking out of one of these g**d*** glasses last night on the debate! And you’re trying to tell me that they don’t make them anymore?! ¬†I don’t think so. ¬†Why are you all lying?! ¬†If Hillary Clinton can drink out of one of these glasses, then they obviously are still making them!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not saying that they’re not being made anymore. ¬†I’m saying that we’re no longer carrying that particular size in our store, that’s all.”

    Customer: “Lies!¬†I bet if Hillary Clinton came in here and asked for those glasses, you people would get off your a**es and check the back room for her!”

    Me: “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

    Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

    Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

    Thou Shalt Grant Me A Floor Model

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy this TV, but I want a discount.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not authorized to give discounts. ”

    Customer: “Ever?”

    Me: “Only on floor models.”

    Customer: “Then I want the floor model!”

    Me: “We’re only authorized to sell the floor model when we’re out of boxed product. Since the TV you want is right there on the shelf brand-new, I don’t have any reason to sell you the floor model. ¬†If I did that I’d just have to open another one.”

    Customer: “But I want a discount! I’m a missionary!”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “I’m a missionary! I need this TV for my RV so I want a discount.”

    Me: “Let me get a manager for you…”

    (Yes, the manager sold him the floor model for 10% off.)

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