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    Ah, Mothers, Part 2

    , | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    (I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

    Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

    Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

    Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

    Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

    Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

    Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

    Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

    Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

    Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

    Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Mom In A Thong: Wrong
    A Mother’s Love

    It’s A Low Maintenance Affair

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Happy Holidays! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I need two gifts.”

    Me: “Okay, who are you shopping for and what did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “I need one for my wife, and one for my girlfriend. I got them the same thing last year, so we can just do that again.”

    It’s A Miracle She’s Still On The Ground…

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    (A very angry customer storms up to the counter at the party shop I was working at.)

    Customer: “These balloons are no good! I spent all afternoon blowing them up, and none of them will float!”

    Me: “What did you fill them with?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I just blew them up, and none of them will float.”

    Me: “Did you fill them with air or helium?”

    Customer: “Air.”

    Me: “They won’t float unless you use a helium tank.”

    Customer: “NO! Look, it says on the packet, ‘Helium Balloons’.”

    Me: “…”

    There’s Such A Thing As Being Too Into Crafts

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (This took place at a large craft store. This particular day I was stocking the shelves when a lady came up and asked me for help.)

    Customer: “My daughter only has a few months left to live, and she is going to be cremated. I was wondering if you had anything that I could use to make her ashes into a tiara?”

    Me: “…make her…ashes into a tiara?”

    Customer: “Yes. She was a beauty queen, and I’d like to make her ashes into a tiara. Do you have some modeling clay or something I can use?”

    Me: “Oh, do you mean you want to make an urn in the shape of a tiara to hold the ashes?”

    Customer: “No, I want the ashes molded into the shape of a tiara.”

    (I am silent for a moment. The lady stands expectantly, and finally I answer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I cannot help you. There is no one in this store who can help you. I suggest you go and get help somewhere else.”

    The Devil Is Definitely In The Details

    | Decatur, AL, USA |

    Customer: “Where do y’all keep your pedophiles?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “You know, PED-IH-FILES!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Yeah, the pedophiles! They show it on TV… it’s where people trim their dog’s feet!”

    Me: “Oh, Pedi-PAWS. Right this way…”

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