We Ain’t Got Jack

| Worcester, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this occurred on October 30th.)

Customer: “Hi, can you help me find a costume? I’m looking for a Jack Sparrow costume for my son.”

Me: “Ah, well, I can tell you that Jack was a very popular character this year, and unfortunately we are out of all our Jack Sparrow costumes, even adults. But we–”

Customer: “What! That’s outrageous! How can you be out of the most popular costume?”

Me: “Well we’ve tried to keep up with demand, but I guess a lot of people shopped early this year. We sold out of many of the most popular costumes, Jack Sparrow being one of them. We have other pirate items.”

Customer: “No, no, no! He wants to be Jack! I can’t believe this, this is the fifth costume shop I have been to today and no one has this costume! Why don’t you people keep more of them around?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. If you like, I would be happy to help you pull together a Jack Sparrow costume out of items we do have.”

Customer: *walking away* “Outrageous! How can a store be out of the most popular Halloween costumes when Halloween is tomorrow?!”

Truly Fake Intentions

, | Waterford, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”

Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

Customer: “No, I want that one!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

(I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

Customer: “Where are you going?”

Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”

Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

(His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

Understating The Obvious, Part 2

| Sioux City, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s a slow day at the mall when a customer walks our store. Two steps in, she puts her fingers in her ears.)

Customer: “Can you turn that music down?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t turn it down, but I’ll ask my manager.”

Customer: “Okay…” *walks to the back of the store with her fingers in her ears*

Me, to my associate: “Can you go ask the store manager if we can turn down the music? I don’t want a customer shopping with her fingers in her ears.”

(She eventually returns to my counter.)

Customer: “Can’t you turn it down?! I’m the only one here!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re working on it.”

Customer: “The bass is too loud!”

Me: “We’ll get the volume down for you.”

(My associate walks to the back room, and as he opens the door the customer continues shouting until he turns down the music. Satisfied, she eventually buys one shirt.)

Customer: “Can I get a gift box?”

Associate: “We only have them at Christmas.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’ll just come in and look for the two of you at Christmas and get a box.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work all the time. If you bring your receipt in, any of the associates will be happy to give you a box at Christmas.”

Customer: “But I want a box from you! You won’t forget me.”

Me: “I meet a lot of people during the week, ma’am.”

Customer: “You won’t forget me!” *circles her face with her hand* “I was the crazy lady with fingers in her ears that asked you to turn the music down!”

Security-Insecurity, Part 2

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer is placing an order for products to be sent from another store.)

Me: “Now, can I just have a convenient phone number to call you on?”

Customer: “Sorry, my number is private.”

Me: “I need it so I can let you know when the products arrive in store.”

Customer: “Absolutely not! I hate calls in the middle of making dinner.”

Me: “I only call within trading hours, so I can’t order your products unless you will come in to pick them up.”

Customer: “Can I call you?”

Me: “It would be easier for me to call you.”

Customer: “How would you like it if I took your number down and called you randomly?”

Me: “I will only call you to let you know that your order is in. Our privacy policy protects you from other people calling you for other reasons. We only use it to let you know your order.”

Customer: “Can I leave my mobile with you?”

Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”

Customer: *puts mobile on counter and walks out before I can stop them*

Related:
Security-Insecurity

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2

, | Fort Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why do you people keep calling me!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Ever since I bought this blasted phone the only phone calls I have gotten are from you people! I want you to stop calling me!”

Me: “I’m not sure what-”

Customer: “You know exactly what I’m talking about! How can you be so rude as to call someone’s house to bother them? Other people are trying to get through and are complaining to me because they aren’t getting a hold of me at home!”

Me: “Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “YES!” *pulls the phone out of purse* “LOOK! Right there! It’s your people’s number! It’s so rude!”

(When you buy the phones, they have a sticker over the caller ID screen with our 1800 number on it. She hands me the phone with the sticker still on it.)

Me: “It’s okay, ma’am, we haven’t been calling you, there’s simply this sticker on the screen.”

Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question?”

Me: *removes the sticker* “See? It was just a sticker. That’s all it was…”

Customer: “So the number isn’t on the phone now?”

Me: “Nope, our number won’t be on your phone anymore.”

Customer: “Does this mean you people will leave me alone?”

Me: “Yes, I promise our corporate headquarters will stop calling you now.”

Customer: “Ok, thank you!”

Related:
You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

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