November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a sales person over there.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me – I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

(I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

(I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

Manager: *looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh* “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

(She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

Other Customer: *without batting an eye* “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you – it’s gorgeous!”

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

That’s What He Thought

| London, UK | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(A young male customer is paying by card.)

Me: "We’re having problems with our machine at the moment, so when you put it in, just make sure you give it a good wiggle."

Customer: *mumbles* "That’s what she said."

Me: *I laugh*

Customer: "Oh God, did I say it out loud again?!"

Touchscreen Has-beens

| Nottingham, UK | Technology, Uncategorized

(Myself and another colleague are talking to two elderly ladies.)

Lady #1: “You could just help us with one more thing.”

Lady #2: “You see that red button in the corner of the screen?”

(They indicate the interactive red button that accesses extra services, which you press on your remote.)

Me: “Yes?”

Lady #1: “Well the TV says to press it and nothing happens. Actually, lets see if it works now!”

(Lady 1 presses the red button and nothing happens. I immediately see the problem.)

Lady #1: “You see! Your TVs are broken too!”

Lady #2: “Oh, it’s working now.”

Me: “I’ve just pressed the red button on the remote. Not on the screen.”

If Only They Ran On Hot Air

| Wisconsin, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to ask someone about my watches. It’s not working right. I think it’s broken.”

Me: “Oh. Yes, the second hand doesn’t seem to be moving much. The battery is probably dying.”

Customer: “But my husband bought this for me!”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell batteries here, but I–”

Customer: “He just bought it here!”

Me: “Do you see another one like it in the display?”

Customer: “No! But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “It does look like it’s the battery because the hands are still moving, just not moving on time. It would be unusual for our batteries to die that soon. Do you have the original receipt?

Customer: “Why would I have that? He bought it 3 or 4 years ago!

Me: “Oh. If he bought the watch 3 or 4 years ago, then it probably is the battery.”

Customer: “But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “If it was purchased several years ago, the battery has been running for several years.”

Customer: “But why would it run when I’m not wearing it?!”

Knows Knot Of Mass

| Houghton Lake, MI, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I work for a discount store that sells bulk birdseed that the customer scoops themselves. A customer approaches the counter with a bag that’s quite full but not tied.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?” (I start tying the bag shut so I can lift it on the counter to weigh without spilling.)

Customer: “No! Don’t!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Don’t tie a knot in it or it’ll weigh more!”

Me: “Ma’am. I’m sorry but, how’s that possible?”

Customer: “It’s a knot! They’re heavier!”