Featured Story:
  • Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics
    (2,209 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (My brother runs a company that sells sci-fi and fantasy memorabilia. A customer came up to the table and started inspecting a replica Star Trek communicator.)

    Customer: “So does this actually work?”

    Me: “Oh, yes. When you flip it open, it lights up and plays
    authentic sound effects.”

    Customer: “No, no, I mean, does it actually communicate with the Enterprise?”

    Me: *joking* “Well, the ship would be out of range if it wasn’t in orbit.”

    Customer: *serious* “Oh, right!”

    Your Call Is Placed Two-Billionth – Hold, Please

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you carry cell phone repeaters?”

    Me: “We do not.”

    Customer: “Any idea where I can get one?”

    Me: “The internet would be your best bet.”

    Customer: “Do you have the phone number for the internet?”

    Rocket Man: It’s (Not) Going To Be A Long Long Time

    | Fredericton, NB, Canada |

    (A customer comes into our store looking for a discontinued desk.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to order a desk. I need it here by tomorrow morning because we’re going back home to Newfoundland.”

    Me: “Sir, the only store in Canada with one of these desks still in stock is in Alberta. However, I don’t believe it’s possible that we can have it here tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you make a special circumstance for me? It’s only a hundred and fifty bucks. It can’t be that much to send it by airplane.”

    Me: “Sir, most of our stuff is sent by truck during the week. It would take almost a week for it to get here. You could however try your store back home to see if they could order it.”

    Customer: “I want it tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “I understand, but it’s not physically possible to deliver it by transport truck in ten hours.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! I’m a professional Formula 1 racer! I can drive to Alberta and back in less then ten hours.”

    Me: “Uh huh…”

    Customer: “Well, if you can’t get it here in ten hours, I’m driving to Alberta myself!”

    Me: “Okay. If you really want to drive to Alberta, I can make arrangements for them to hold it for you.”

    Customer: “You don’t believe that I can make it there in less then ten hours, do you?”

    Me: “Not really, but I also don’t drive a Formula 1 car.”

    Customer: “I don’t! I fly a rocket ship!” *literally runs out of the store as if he was an airplane while saying “Zooom!”*

    The Answer May Shock You

    | Roswell, GA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pool supply store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I think I may have a problem with my pool.”

    Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I reached into my skimmer this morning to clean it, and I got shocked so bad that I got thrown against the fence. So I went around to the other side and that skimmer shocked me too! What do you think is wrong?”

    Me: “Sounds like there is a short in your electrical equipment. You should shut down all power to the pool and call an electrician right away.”

    Customer: “So is it safe to swim?”

    Truth In Advertising

    | Bloomingdale, IL, USA |

    (A customer brings up four panties with a free pair of panties coupon.)

    Me: “If you grab one more pair of panties, you can get the five for $25 promotion.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to.”

    Me: “Well, with the coupon and the promotion you will be saving money.”

    Customer: “Why are you forcing me to buy more?! I want these panties only!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you are paying $24.50 right now for only four panties. When you purchase a fifth one, you will actually save money.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to! You can’t make me buy another one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please…I am not trying to make you pay more. I am trying to save you money!”

    Customer: “You…want to save me…money?

    (The customer reluctantly grabs one more pair of panties and I ring it up.)

    Me: “Now, your total is $21.52.”

    Customer: “You actually did want to save me money! *whispers* “I’m kind of slow…”

    Page 324/439First...322323324325326...Last