November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

South Of The Border Of Intelligence

| Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just answered a customer’s question in Spanish. Another customer has apparently heard it.)

Customer: “Wow, you don’t even look Mexican!

Me: “Well, that’s because I’m not.”

Customer: “But you just talked to that woman in Spanish!”

Me: “My father is Puerto Rican, so I’m pretty fluent.”

Customer: “You’re not Mexican?”

Me: “No. I’m American. Shall we go ahead with your transaction?”

Customer: “Wow. Your English is excellent. No trace of a Mexican accent.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it’s pretty hard to have a Mexican accent if you’ve never been to Mexico.”

Customer: *winking* “Right.” *looks around* “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Monsters Of The ID

| Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Uncategorized, Underaged

(A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

(I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

Customer: “I know that’s there.”

Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

In A Stupid Mood

| Corolla, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(At the checkout line, a customer and her grand daughter have placed mood rings all over their fingers.)

Customer: “Isn’t it amazing how they know exactly what type of mood you’re in?”

Me: “Would you to add any mood rings?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, it will be [price].”

Customer: *pays*

Me: “Your change is [change]”

(I hand the customer one of the new five dollar bills.)

Customer: “I think this bill is counterfeit.”

Me: “I assure you, it’s not ma’am.”

Customer: “Sure it is, it’s colored.”

Me: “It’s actually a mood five. It changes according to your mood.”

Customer: “The things they do with technology!”

What Would Jesus Discount?

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Religion, Uncategorized

(Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

(He seems to think this over for a minute.)

Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”

A Smooth Transaction

| Chesterfield, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(Around 2 a.m, a man comes in and is searching up and down the aisle I am stocking.)

Me: "Hello sir, can I help you find anything?"

Customer: "No, it’s much too embarrassing to ask for."

Me: "Okay, well let me know."

(He walks away and continues searching. Five minutes later he’s back.)

Customer: "I’ve decided I don’t care how embarrassing it is."

Me: "Okay."

Customer: "Where’s the lube!?"