November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Ministry Of Silly Walks

| Pittsburg, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Top

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where the underwear are stocked?”

(I am a fellow customer. I have no name badge, no uniform, and I have my purse hanging from my shoulder.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you did. You walk like an employee.”

Me: “I walk…like an employee?”

Customer: “Yes, you should walk differently so people don’t confuse you.”

Me: “Like this?”

(I walk briskly for a few steps.)

Customer: “No, no, that’s why I stopped you.”

Me: “How about this?”

(I walk a little slower, stopping to look at merchandise and to examine them.)

Customer: “No, you look like you’re shelving.”

Me: “What about like this?”

(I shuffle along slowly, staring vacantly at my shoes.)

Customer: “No, you look like my son when he works. Oh dear, I guess you just can’t walk like a regular customer. You should take classes.”

(She walks way and I look five feet to my left, where an actual employee is staring, open mouthed at the scene.)

Employee: “I wonder who would teach those classes?”

Anatomically Correct Vs Politically Incorrect

| Washington, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m in the restroom while on duty in uniform. I walk in the door.)

Customer: *startled* "Oh!"

Me: "Sorry, excuse me."

Customer: "You people use the bathroom too?"

Me: "Yes, we only have the one, so everyone uses the same one.”

Customer: "I guess I never thought of you as real people.”

There Is No Spoon

| Farmington, NM, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m opening the store for the day, and an elderly gentleman comes over to me.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hello!” *looks around for a moment* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Your spoon.” *produces a metal spoon from his pocket* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m afraid I must have forgotten it.”

Customer: “Well, what will you do if you find some ice cream?”

Me: “I suppose I’ll have to use an ice cream cone instead.”

(Seemingly satisfied and nodding, the man continues on his way.)

Questionable Questions

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | California | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what time the mall closes today?”

Me: “Yeah, seven o’clock, so about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Okay. And do you know about how long it takes for everyone to evacuate the mall?”

Me: “I–what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, no reason.”

South Of The Border Of Intelligence

| Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just answered a customer’s question in Spanish. Another customer has apparently heard it.)

Customer: “Wow, you don’t even look Mexican!

Me: “Well, that’s because I’m not.”

Customer: “But you just talked to that woman in Spanish!”

Me: “My father is Puerto Rican, so I’m pretty fluent.”

Customer: “You’re not Mexican?”

Me: “No. I’m American. Shall we go ahead with your transaction?”

Customer: “Wow. Your English is excellent. No trace of a Mexican accent.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it’s pretty hard to have a Mexican accent if you’ve never been to Mexico.”

Customer: *winking* “Right.” *looks around* “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”