D’ohpe

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why was my return denied?”

Me: “Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.”

Customer: “I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.”

Me: “A what, ma’am?”

Customer: “A street pharmacist! He sells dope.”

Me: “That is more information than I want to know ma’am. You have a good day.”

Looking For A Bullseye In A Haystack

| Coon Rapids, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a major big box retailer known for its employees that wear red shirts and khaki pants.)

Customer: “I lost my credit card!”

Me: “What is your name and what kind of card is it?”

(The customer gives that information and I check the lost and found.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I don’t have it here. Do you know where you lost it?”

Customer: “At the checkout.”

Me: “Do you remember which one? Do you have your receipt? That would help me figure it out.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you remember who helped you?”

Customer: “Well, she was wearing a red shirt…”

Elixirs Of Everlasting Life Are On Aisle 5

| Evansville, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(While ringing up a customer, the computer flags cold medicine and asks for age verification.)

Me: “Sir, I need to verify your date of birth.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “You’re trying to buy medicine and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.”

Customer: “Oh. April 20th, 1420.”

Me: “Sir, I really need your actual birth date to continue.”

Customer: “4-20-1420. Put it in.”

(I enter the date. The system accepts. I look in disbelief.)

Customer: “Told you.”

Candid Camera, Candid Answer

| England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello there, can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like some batteries for my camera.”

Me: “Okay, what does it take?”

Customer: “Pictures.”

Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

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