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    But Who Gets To Keep The Charger?

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (The customer calls in, having trouble with the bluetooth in her vehicle.)

    Me: “Thank You for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I am having trouble with my bluetooth thing.”

    Me: “I can definitely help you with that. What is the nature of your problem?”

    Customer: “I need help marrying my phone back with my car. When I bought the car they were married, and somehow they got divorced.”

    Harry & Ginny: The Golden Years

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (A man walks up to my register with his wife, they have a few items, one of which is a broom.)

    Me: “How are you guys today?”

    Husband: “Oh, we’re good.”

    (The husband takes the broom and places it on counter, then stares at his wife).

    Wife: “What?”

    Husband: “Are you sure you’re going to fit on this?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    As Normal As A Nude Nymph With No Nails

    | Oakville, ON, Canada |

    (Working near the fitting rooms, my coworker hears a customer ask for help from inside one of the stalls.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need some help.”

    Coworker: “Alright–”

    (My coworker turns around and notices the customer standing outside of the stall completely nude except for the bra she was trying on.)

    Customer: “How does this look on me? I’m not sure if this works for me.”

    Coworker: “Um…why did you happen to take off your clothes?”

    Customer: “Oh, because I feel more comfortable like this. So, what do you think?”

    Coworker: “It looks…good.”

    (My coworker looks down to avoid seeing the woman and notices stickers on the woman’s toes.)

    Coworker: “Why do you have stickers on your toes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have any toenails. I think the stickers make them look prettier, and I feel more normal when I take off my shoes.”

    We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

    Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

    Me: “And what is that?”

    Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

    Customer: “I understand that. but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

    Me: “And why is that, sir?”

    Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

    A Dollar In The Hand Is Worth Zero In The Wallet

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    Me: “Your total is $10.27, ma’am.”

    Customer: *waves a piece of paper* “Is this a coupon?”

    Me: “Not exactly. If you put your email address on it, we’ll send it to corporate and they’ll send you store updates, which will also have a coupon in the first email you receive.”

    Customer: “Oh, great! Thanks!” *turns to leave*

    Me: “Ma’am, you still need to pay.”

    Customer: “I just did.”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you didn’t. Your total is $10.27.”

    Customer: “Well, now I know I paid! I remember you saying $10.27 before.”

    Me: “Yes, I did, but you didn’t pay me the last time I said it, either.”

    Customer: “So, you know what that means?” *reaches for her unpaid items*

    Me: *takes back her unpaid items* “…that you can’t have this until you pay for it?”

    Customer: “I’m never shopping here again!”

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