October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Fauxxx Pas

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you have coitus?”

Me: *pause* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Coitus! Do you have coitus?!”

Me: “Alright, sir, I really hope I’m understanding you wrong, so I need you to say what you want a bit slower.”

(He thinks for a long time, then slowly says the word, drawing out every letter.)

Customer: “Curtains?”

Phoning It In

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Bizarre, Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer phones up 5 minutes before we close, to try and track some products she ordered but haven’t been delivered.)

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to need to take your contact details, so I can try and trace your order. Can I take your address and your
phone number?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone.”

Me: “How are we speaking now?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Cheapskating Around The Issue

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Holidays, Money, Top

(The store is very popular around Christmas time. We have a general rule not to do price adjustments, particularly on Christmas gifts as they were always marked down after the holidays. A customer hands me receipt; he has no bags with him.)

Customer: “I’d like to do a price adjustment for these gifts.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t do price adjustments.”

Customer: “Well, then I’ll return them and buy them back on sale. So give me back the money for them.”

Me: “I can’t give you back money for products that you don’t give back to me.”

Customer: “I’m just going to buy them back for the sale price right away anyways, so just give me the money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the products I can’t give you any money back or do a price adjustment. If you bring in the products I will gladly return and re-sell them to you.”

Customer: “I’ve already given them away! They were Christmas gifts for my family, you idiot!”

Me: “Can you let your family know that you want to take their gifts back so that you can get some money back from them?”

Customer: “What do I look like to you, some kind of cheapskate?!”

Best Oosik To What You Know

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

Me: “That’s an ‘oosik’.”

Customer: “What’s it made of?”

Me: “It’s umm.. the lower anatomy of a walrus.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”

Customer: “What part?”

Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”

(The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)

Customer: “Tell her what it is!”

Not Exactly Gifted

| Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

(As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

(He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”

Page 322/481First...320321322323324...Last