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    Food Chain Brain Drain

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

    Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

    Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

    Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
    can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

    Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

    Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

    Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

    Customer: “O. M. G.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I get them?”

    Me: “Um, who?”

    Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

    Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

    Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

    Me: “Um…what?”

    Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

    Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

    Me: “…”

    Guess The Magician & Clowns Are Out Too

    | Davie, FL, USA |

    (I work at a party store that sells balloons. A middle-aged woman comes up to me and the following takes place.)

    Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “…do y’all sell, like…balloons for funerals?”

    Me: “I’m sorry…what?”

    Customer: “You know, like balloons for a funeral…like, ‘Sorry For Your Loss’…”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “OK, thanks!” *leaves*

    Your One-Stop Shop For Addictive Substances

    , | Manchester, CT, USA |

    (An older lady came in to the store I worked at looking for the Playstation game “Croc”.)

    Customer: “Hey! Y’all got crack?”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Crack!”

    Me: “Do you mean…Everquest?”

    Customer: “NO, D***IT, I WANT CRACK. You know, little alligator be runnin’ ’round ‘n s***.”

    Me: “…do you mean ‘Croc’?”

    Customer: “Crack, Croc, whatever!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, right here…” *rings up sale*

    (After the lady left, my boss came up to me.)

    Manager: “Did that lady just try to buy crack rocks from you?!”

    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 4

    , | Stockholm, Sweden |

    (A guy who bought a game comes back wanting a refund. The problem is that the game seal had been broken, the game disc had some nasty scratches on it, and it was 30 days past our return policy window.)

    Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve got this game here that I didn’t fully enjoy. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the seal has been broken, and the disc is damaged. I can’t give you a refund for this.”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I wasn’t informed about that!”

    Me: “Sir, if you look right here on your receipt, you’ll see what rights you have. And as you can see, the 30-day return policy has expired, and the game is damaged. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “Oh no, don’t try this on me. I know my rights, due to the fact that I’m a lawyer. So you’d better think about your next move, or it could end up bad for you.”

    Me: “Hold on a second…are you threatening me?”

    Customer: “That depends on how you handle this situation.”

    (By this point, there was a large line forming in the store, and the guy standing behind my customer looked pretty pissed off.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to give me a refund or not?”

    Customer #2: *interrupting* “I’ve had it with this. You told this guy you’re a lawyer, right? And that you’re entitled to a refund, am I correct?”

    Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that is correct.”

    Customer #2: “Here’s the deal: I know for a fact that you’re wrong. I think everyone in this store knows that you’re wrong, and the reason WHY I know this is because I AM a lawyer. What you’re doing is borderline illegal. So, may I suggest that you leave this store right now?”

    Customer: *quietly* “Well…what I was trying to tell him was…um…”

    (The customer then quickly left the store. Everyone, including myself, gave customer #2 a round of applause.)

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 3
    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

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