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    Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

    | Erie, PA, USA | Top

    (Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

    Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

    Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

    Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

    Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

    Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

    Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

    Fourth Graders Going On Forty

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (I work for a custom blinds store and a couple is having their whole house done. We’re going over everything and placing the order.)

    Me: “These windows will have an inside mount.”

    Husband: “A what?”

    Me: “Inside mount.”

    Husband: “Oh, hehe.”

    Me: “So, on this one that installer has recommended a reverse mount.”

    Husband: “Haha!”

    Wife: “Shhhh!”

    Husband: “How do you people keep a straight face?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

    Husband: “I had no idea that blinds were so sexual!”

    Me: “Oh, um…. I guess I never thought of it like that.”

    Wife, to husband: “You’re such a child!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time

    , | California, USA | Top

    (Note: Pokemon is a game with various creatures that simulate animals in it. When a Pokemon has no hit points, or HP, is is considered “fainted.” Many mistake this for something serious, but it is easily remedied by healing your Pokemon in a specific building.)

    Customer: *storms up to desk* “I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    (She slams a copy of Pokemon Platinum on the counter.)

    Me: “Certainly, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “My freaking fire monkey DIED! See?”

    (She pulls the DS from her pocket, turns it on, enters game, and shows me that her Pokemon [a chimchar] has no HP.)

    Me: “Well, I can…erm…revive your ‘fire monkey’ if you’d like.”

    Customer: “What are you, some freaking Pokemon priest?! MY FIRE MONKEY IS DEAD!”

    Me: “No, no, look.”

    (I control her character to go to a Pokemon Center and heal up her Pokemon.)

    Me: “There, all better.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?!”

    Me: “Um…no problem, ma’am. Glad to help.”

    Customer: “AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY!” *leaves store*

    Watering Wonders

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I have a faucet in my backyard, and I can’t get the water to the other side.”

    Me: “You need a hose…”

    Customer: “What is that?”

    Me: “You connect it to the faucet, and the water travels through the hose to the other side.”

    Customer: “These inventions these days – they’re incredible!”

    Me: “…”

    More Than He Bargained For

    , | Middletown, NY, USA |

    (My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

    Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

    Customer: “Will you take $4?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

    Customer: “$5?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

    Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

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