Too Closed For Comfort

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I work for a huge, nation-wide department store retailer. Our stores are rather large, and doing well.)

Customer: *to her friend* “Isn’t it sad? They’re closing this branch of [store name]?”

Customer 2: “Oh, really? When?”

Me: “Actually, we’re not closing. Believe me.”

Customer: “Yes, you are, because I read it somewhere. Was it in the newspaper?”

Me: “What makes you think that we’re closing, may I ask?”

Customer: “See, look!” *she gestures toward our small clearance area in the front of the store.*

Me: “Nope, that’s just our clearance area. We’re getting ready for spring.”

Customer: “Right, because you’re closing.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re the largest [store name] in the tri-state area. If we’re closing, no one at the store has been informed of it!”

Customer: “Wow, they didn’t tell you yet?!”

An Inconvenient Car Boot

| Melbourne, Australia | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(We are a plant nursery trying to reduce the amount of plastic bags we give out.)

Me: “Do you need a bag with that? We can give you a reusable plastic car boot liner or newspaper.”

Customer: “No bag. I’m trying to save the trees and the planet.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: *short pause* “Have you got a sheet of plastic I can use instead? Like the car boot liner, but with handles?”

Me: “What, like a plastic bag?”

Customer: “Perfect!”

The Last Scupper

| California, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

(I notice a customer looking at the passover cards, looking frustrated, so I go over to help her.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for Christian passover cards.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any Christian Passover cards. Were you maybe looking for the Easter cards?”

Customer: “No, I need Passover cards for a Christian.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Passover is a Jewish holiday. We don’t carry Christian Passover cards because Christians don’t celebrate it.”

Customer: “Jesus did!”

The Price of Verity

| New York, NY, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I purchased this juicer from you yesterday and it doesn’t seem to be working. You have to take it back.”

Me: “Really? Well I took that right out of the shipping crate it was delivered to us in, so no one here could have possibly have messed with it.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Just let me check something, please.”

(I take the juicer out of the box and carry it over to the kitchen. Plugging it into an outlet I turn it on and watch as it revs up as normal.)

Me: “Well it seems to be in working order. Are you sure you hit the power switch on the side here to turn it on when you tried using
it?”

Customer: “Hey, you’re supposed to just give me my money back, not check if I’m telling the truth!”

Slow To Register

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(It’s a busy day with long lines. I am one of the fastest cashiers we have.)

Me: “Hi, did you find what you where looking for today?”

(I’ve already processed and bagged about six Items.)

Customer: “Stop bagging! I don’t want no double scans!”

Me: “Okay, then.” *moving more slowly* “Did you find–”

Customer: “No! Stop it! Start over and wait until I have it all on the belt!”

Me: “Okay.” *I pause but don’t void out the total*

Customer: “Good now show me the screen.” *grabs the screen*. “What did you scan?”

(I scroll through the list now about 20+ things. After I start up scanning again, the customer has her eyes locked on the screen.)

Me: “Ok, now that brings you total to–”

Customer: “Here!” *slaps her card on the counter* “You young people move to fast! You should slow down! No one likes you being fast!.”

Three other customers behind her: “We LOVE a fast checker!”

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