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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Just Wait Until She Finds The Penny Slots

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Money, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’ll take a $2 scratch-and-win, please.”

    Me: “Awesome. Here you go.”

    Customer: “I was wondering how much you have to pay for one with prizes?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “If I got a $3 one, would it have a chance to win prizes?”

    Me: “That one you have has a chance to win prizes, ma’am. They all do.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Really?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: *excited* “You learn something new every day!”

    It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

    Customer: “Well, I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

    Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

    Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

    Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

    (I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

    Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

    Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

    Not-So-Smart Card

    | Florida, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “Where are your film cameras?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t carry those anymore, but our digital ones are right over there.”

    Customer: “Okay, and where are the film ones?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we stopped carrying film cameras a long time ago.”

    Customer: “Is that one film?”

    Me: “No, sir. None of the cameras in this store will be film.”

    Customer: “But that one is big. See, the film goes right there!”

    Me: “That is actually where the batteries go. This camera doesn’t need film because it is a digital camera”

    Customer: “So where does the film go?”

    Me: “No film, sir. They store the pictures on an SD card.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t you listening? All I want is to buy a film camera!”

    Me: “I am very sorry sir, but we only carry digital cameras. No film cameras.”

    Customer: *looks at a camera* “I think I want that one. What kind of film is best to put in it?”

    Me: *giving up* “It is actually pretty interesting, they started putting all the film in this tiny little card to protect it from any sort of light. Only machines can develop the film, because the card is so small, so you can only get prints by putting the card in a computer.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that amazing! That is so smart, the things they come up with today!”

    Those Who Have Impotence Will Never Lose Their Flower

    | Thomasville, NC, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have impotence?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Impotence? Do you have impotence?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Everything seems to be in working order.”

    (The customer walks away and several minutes later I find her out front waving a pack of flowers.)

    Customer: *yelling and smiling* “Here it is! I’ve found your impotence!”

    (The flowers she had found were Impatiens.)

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