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    Steam Cleaner On Elm Street

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Customer: ¬†”Can you show me where the carpet cleaning stuff is?”

    Me: ¬†”Sure, right here.” *leads him to the aisle*

    Customer: ¬†”Which one is good for getting blood out of carpet?”

    Me: “Well, this brand works well for spots. How much blood are we talkin’ here?”

    Customer: ¬†”About a bucket full…”

    Me: “You may want to rent a carpet cleaner…”

    Numa Numa Meets The Beaches Of Normandy

    | Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    (I overheard two cashiers talking about World of Warcraft while an older female customer and her husband approached them.)

    Cashier #1: “My guild went on a big raid last night but didn’t complete it.”

    Cashier #2: “You weren’t able to kill the boss?”

    Cashier #1: “No, the boss was really tough to kill; we’re going to try again tomorrow.”

    Customer: *to husband* “We should call a manager–I can’t believe these kids are talking about killing their boss!”

    Cashier #2: “Oh no, ma’am, it’s a video game called World of Warcraft. You go on adventures to kill monsters, and the big ones are called ‘bosses’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your ‘World War’ game. No wonder there is so much violence in this world – video games teaching kids to kill their bosses!”

    Cashier #1: “It’s not ‘World War,’ ma’am, it’s World of Warcraft, and it’s not teaching us violence…”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it’s called. My husband fought in a real world war and he can tell you, violence is not a game! Right, Richard?

    Customer’s husband: *distracted* “Huh?”

    Customer: “Forget it. C’mon, we’re never coming back to this place. One of these kids is bound to shoot the place up.”

    On The Politically Proper Placement of Puzzles

    , | Mesa, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “THIS STORE IS RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST!”

    Me: *confused* “Um… why?”

    Customer: “Your Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf! I demand to speak to your manager!

    Me: “Okay, go ahead. I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “This is an insult to me that your Native American puzzles are on the lower shelf. This is racism!”

    Me: “So, I’m a racist because the Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf…”

    (I look at the shelf and notice some animal puzzles on the very bottom shelf.)

    Me: “Well, I hope PETA doesn’t find these puppy puzzles down here then.”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Coming Soon: Laptop Loofas

    , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer #1: “This cell phone doesn’t work anymore. I want you to replace it.”

    Me: “When did it stop working?”

    Customer #1: “After I brought it in the shower.”

    Me: “If it got wet, it’s probably not going to work at all, and it won’t be covered by the warranty.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t understand. If it doesn’t work anymore, you’re supposed to replace it. It should work in the shower.”

    Me: “Well, no. Like any piece of electronics, it’s not going to work if you get it wet. Would you bring your laptop in the shower?”

    Customer #2: *interjecting* “I bring my laptop into the shower all the time.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    The Tiny Flaw In An Otherwise Brilliant Plan

    | Marietta, GA, USA |

    (I work at customer service and this lady could not return a lamp because it was past our 90-day return policy.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, the transaction for the lamp does not show up on your credit card. Has it been more than 90 days?”

    Customer: “No, I dont think so! Try it again.”

    (I try two more times and sure enough, the same thing happens.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you bought the lamp more than 90 days ago, it does not show up in our system anymore. We can do a store credit return if you would like, but you would get the lowest price which is about $3 less.”

    Customer: “Fine. It was 92 days ago! Now can I return it?”

    Me: “I cannot do that. That purchase is not in our system anymore and the computer will only allow me to give you store credit at that price.”

    (A long argument ensues and I tell her the same things.)

    Customer: “Well, you know what? I’m going to buy this lamp again and then use THAT receipt to return it!”

    Me: “Why would you want to do that? You would technically own two and then you’re returning one. It makes no difference.”

    Customer: “Then I’ll buy a NEW one and use that receipt to return my broken one!”

    Me: “I cannot allow you to do that. I am the supervisor and would have to report that sort of potential activity to our store security and managers.”

    Customer: “How did you know what I’m going to do?!”

    Me: “…um, because you just told me?”


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