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    Not On The Cutting Edge

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I receive the following call while working at a home decor store.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have table pads?”

    Me: “Yes, we have custom ones, and we have ones you can buy here and cut yourself to fit your table.”

    Customer: “Okay, how much are the ones you cut?”

    Me: “$12.97.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll be in. Thanks.”

    (A little while passes and the caller comes in.)

    Customer: Hi, I called about the table pads. Could you show me where they are?

    Me: “Sure, they’re right over here.” *takes them to the pads*

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. I need it to be 14 by 11, so when are you going to cut it?”

    Me: “I don’t cut it in the store. You have to cut it at home to fit your table.”

    Customer: “You said you cut it here!”

    Me: “No, I said you cut it yourself to fit the table.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to do that!”

    Me: “You just lay it on the table and cut around the shape of the table.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to use to cut it?! I don’t have a special table pad cutting machine!”

    Me: “How about scissors?”

    Customer: “Oh…okay, I’ll take it.”

    A Wii Bit Confused

    , | Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

    (A customer hands me a Wii accessory.)

    Customer: “Do I need this?”

    Me: “Not really. That’s up to you, how often do you play with your Wii?”

    Customer: “Do I have a Wii?”

    Me: “I don’t know, do you?”

    Customer: “…oh…” *wanders off*

    Please Press Any Brain Cell To Continue

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Alright, and can I have your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    Customer: *really, really long pause*

    Customer: *customer looks back at cashier, still waiting*

    Customer: *still silent*

    Customer’s son: “Mom.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Customer’s son: “She asked for the zip code.”

    Customer: “I know. I told her she could have it!”

    Customer’s son: *says the zip code*

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize she wanted me to give it to her!”

    Can’t Cedar Forest For The Trees

    | Westchester, OH, USA | Top

    Customer: “These Christmas trees all look so fake! I want to get one fresh from the Everglades!”

    (I chuckle, and then realize he is serious.)

    Me: “Sir, the Everglades aren’t exactly known for there Christmas trees.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah! I forgot, it’s all frozen.”

    Me: “No sir, the Everglades are in the middle of Florida.”

    Customer: “Oh, well I was never good at geometry anyway.”

    Even Santa Has To Read His List (And Check It Twice)

    | Australia | Uncategorized

    (I’m working in layby (AKA layaways) and dealing with the Christmas shopping rush.)

    Customer: “Can I organize delivery for this item?”

    Me: “We can, but we can’t guarantee it will arrive before Christmas because you didn’t pay it off by the 1st.”

    Customer: “What? Are you trying to ruin Christmas? My grandchildren will cry and find out there is no Santa. Nobody told me I had to pay it off by then!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, all the terms and conditions of the layby were printed on your receipt…” *I point it out on the receipt* “See, right here, above where you signed to say that accepted them.”

    Customer: “But nobody TOLD me to read them!”

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