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  • Beware The Nines Of Merch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I’m at the service desk when an elderly man comes up.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you can answer me a question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Do you have anything for sale that doesn’t end in .99?”

    Me: “Well, we’ve got some 79′s and 49′s, but prices are usually always going to end–”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I know what you’re trying to do with those nines! I know that you’re just trying to convince me it’s cheaper! Do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “TAKE THE NINES SERIOUSLY!” *storms out*

    They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

    | Medford, OR, USA |

    (An older woman walks up to the electronics desk and addresses me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to buy Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.”

    Me: “Is this a gift for someone?”

    Customer: “Yes, this is for my 4-year-old grandson.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, just to let you know, this game has been rated ‘M’ for Mature, and has a lot of violence, profanity, drug use, and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s okay, he’s already been exposed to all that…”

    Customers Of A Feather Flock Together

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA |

    (While working at the cutting counter of my fabric store, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two older women.)

    Customer #1: “Well, I feel sorry for America. The majority of people are just so d*** ignorant!”

    Customer #2: “Yes, I completely agree with you…”

    (Customer #1 spots some fabric in our clearance section.)

    Customer #1: “Oooh, it’s SHINY!”

    Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I worked for a large electronics chain as a repair tech. An older man came up to the counter with a 42″ TV.)

    Customer: “I need to have this TV replaced. I bought it yesterday and it made a ‘buzz’ sound and won’t turn on anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I just need to verify what’s wrong with the TV and then we can look swapping it out for you, if you have your receipt.”

    (I walk over to the TV and notice an odd aroma lingering near it.)

    Me: “Did your TV come into contact with any liquid, sir?”

    Customer: “No…wait–does pee count as liquid?”

    Constructive Criticism For The Music Industry

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, welcome to **** Music, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*

    Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, ‘Before He Cheats’.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me’.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”

    Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”

    Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”

    Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”

    (The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)

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