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    Please See The Hypothetical Aisle

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in looking for an item I knew we do not carry.)

    Customer: “Where would I find a [item]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry that.”

    Customer: *stares at me awhile* “Well, if you did carry it, what aisle would it be in?”

    Cost In The Translation

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (In the store we put on our own price tags, but customers have a bad habit of taking them off to get a lower price.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a price on this?”

    Me: “Sure.” *takes a look* “It’ll be $14.99.”

    Customer’s daughter: *in Spanish* “Wow mom, that’s more expensive than the real tag!”

    Customer: “No thanks.”

    Me: *in Spanish* “Have a good day, and come back soon!” *wink*

    Ah, Mothers, Part 4

    | Staffordshire, UK | Uncategorized

    (A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

    Customer: “Just call her name!”

    Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

    Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

    Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in store can look out for her.”

    Customer: “Just call her name will you! Stop being so cocky!”

    Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? She is 37 years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 3
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    Passing It Forward

    | A.C.T., Australia | Uncategorized

    Me: “How are you today sir?”

    Customer: “Ahhhhh…well, I’m pretty good now!”

    Me: “Now?”

    Customer: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

    Me: “That’s…nice…”

    (The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

    Another customer: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

    Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”

    Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

    | Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

    Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

    (The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

    Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”

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