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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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    An Open(ed) and Shut Case

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this DVD player.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We actually can’t do a return on opened merchandise.”

    Customer: “This isn’t open.”

    Me: “It’s been opened and re-taped.”

    Customer: “Why would you think that?”

    Me: “Because no manufacturers use duct tape to seal boxes.”

    Customer: “So you’re calling me a liar?”

    Me: “I’m not trying to, but this has obviously been opened and re-taped and therefore can’t be returned.”

    Customer: “What do you know? Where’s your manager?”

    (I call my manager and he tells the customer the same things I told her and points out the duct tape. She starts cursing and pounding her fist the counter. My manager finally gives in just to get the customer out of the store. 20 minutes pass and the phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you calling ****. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I returned a DVD player 20 minutes ago and forgot my DVD in it.”

    It’s Either Bob Barker Blue Or Drew Carey Blue

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cosmetics], this is ***, how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for a nail polish.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?

    Caller: “Did you watch The Price is Right the other day?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Caller: “They had this blue car on there, and I want that color for my nail polish.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see it. Could you tell me what type of blue this was? Perhaps a medium or bright blue?”

    Caller: “It was a car blue.”

    Me: “I see. I’m not sure what that means, so I can’t really help you. You could always come in and look around.”

    Caller: “Well, how many blues do you have? I don’t want to waste my time!”

    Me: “We have many different choices, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Right, but I want the blue from The Price Is Right!”

    One Should Learn From Mistakes So That They Are Not Receipted

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    Me: “Alright, here you go. Have a nice day!”

    (About 20 minutes later, the customer comes back.)

    Customer: “I bought the wrong figure! I need to make an exchange!”

    Me: “All refunds and exchanges are done at Customer Service. Good thing I held on to your receipt!”

    (I hand him his receipt and he went to Customer Service. He gets his refund, then comes back to my register with a different toy.)

    Customer: “Alright, this was what I wanted to buy! Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

    (This time, I put his receipt in the bag without saying a word.)

    Slippery Christmas Ice

    | United Kingdom |

    (This occurred two days after Christmas Day on the refunds desk.)

    Customer: “These slippers don’t fit! I’ve been the same shoe size for years. It must be these new European sizes, I can’t even get my foot in!”

    Me: “That’s no proble,m sir. I’ll just refund these and give you a credit note, then you can go and choose some slippers that fit.”

    Customer: “This ruined my Christmas, you know!”

    (I take the slippers and examine them for any faults or damage, while the customer continues to rant.)

    Me: “Sir, did you remove the tissue paper from the toes before you tried these on?”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (Needless to say, the slippers did in fact fit. Christmas was saved.)

    But Who Gets To Keep The Charger?

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (The customer calls in, having trouble with the bluetooth in her vehicle.)

    Me: “Thank You for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I am having trouble with my bluetooth thing.”

    Me: “I can definitely help you with that. What is the nature of your problem?”

    Customer: “I need help marrying my phone back with my car. When I bought the car they were married, and somehow they got divorced.”

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