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    Either She’s A Revisionist Scholar, Or She Needs A Dictionary

    , | Iowa, USA | History

    Me: “Ma’am, may I help you find a particular title?”

    Customer: “I don’t know exactly what I want. I just want a good book to read.”

    Me: “Is there a topic that you are especially interested in?”

    Customer: “I like historical stuff.”

    Me: “Great! What kind of history specifically?”

    Customer: *stares blankly*

    Me: “For instance, a particular time period, or the history of a certain country?”

    Customer: “American history, obviously.”

    Me: “We have some really great American history books, right over here.”

    (I lead her to the proper section and pull a few titles to show her.)

    Customer: “These are all about stuff that really happened. I want a story.”

    Me: “Okay, so, historical fiction then? I’m sure we can find something for you.”

    Customer: “No! I want something like this…”

    (She gestures to a book she rejected, a non fiction title about American history.)

    Customer: “… only I want it to be made up.”

    Me: “Right, historical fiction. Let’s start with a time frame within American history and I’m sure we can find something.”

    Customer: *sighs melodramatically* “I don’t want FICTION, I want a book with a story that is MADE UP!”

    Those Foreigners And Their Funny Continents

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m visiting a friend of mine at work when this exchange occurs.)

    Customer: *notes my friend’s nametag* “Matt-ie-oh… what a neat name, where’s it from?”

    Friend: “It’s pronounced mah-tay-oh, actually. It’s Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? You don’t look Mexican.”

    Friend: “I’m not, I’m Spanish.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s the difference?”

    Friend: “The Atlantic Ocean?”

    Reorientation Disorientation

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any frames that fit a 7×5 photo?”

    Coworker: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I like THIS one, but you only have it in 5×7.”

    Coworker: “Yes?”

    Customer: *whines*

    Coworker: “Um…”

    Customer: “But I need one that’s 7×5, not 5×7!”

    Coworker: *slowly turns the frame on it’s side*

    Customer: “Oh, wow!”

    That’s One Way To Pick Up Chicks

    | Angeles City, Philippines |

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Are you single?”

    Me: “Uhm , no.”

    Customer: “Then you can’t help me!” *hangs up*

    Me: “…”

    Random Acts Of Drunkenness

    | South Carolina, USA |

    (A customer stumbles up to the counter, obviously drunk, with a four year-old girl in tow.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, uh, my camera’s broken.”

    Me: “Sir, it looks like the camera’s been dropped.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I dropped it.”

    Me: “Do you have your receipt from the purchase with you, by chance?”

    Customer: “Sure…” *hands receipt to me*

    Me: “Okay sir, I see here that you bought an accidental coverage warranty when you bought the camera, so the good news is that it will cover having it repaired at one of our service centers. ¬†We’ll just have to send it off, and it should arrive back at the store in about two weeks.”

    Customer: “No! You’re supposed to give me a new camera.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t exchange your camera because it’s about six months outside of our return policy, and our warranties don’t cover product replacement without attempting repairs first.”

    Customer: “I WANT A NEW CAMERA! ¬†*** TOLD ME I COULD JUST COME IN AND GET A NEW CAMERA!”

    Me: “I apologize, but there’s not much else I can do ¬†If you’d like, I can get you my supervisor and see what he says.”

    Customer: “YEAH, YOU BETTER GO GET HIM!”

    (I bring my supervisor over, and the supervisor confirms that we can
    only repair the camera.)

    Customer: “F*** YOU!¬†I NEED A CAMERA NOW!¬†MY DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW, G**D***IT!”

    Supervisor: “Well, we can either have the camera repaired, or you can bring home a broken camera today, if you’d like.”

    Customer: “FINE! BUT I’M NOT HAPPY AND I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT *** AGAIN!”

    (Two weeks pass, and the same customer comes back in to pick up his repaired camera, again obviously drunk.)

    Me: “Here’s your camera, sir. The warranty fully covered the repair, so you’re all good to go. By the way, how did things go with your daughter’s birthday?”

    Customer: “Oh, it was GREAT! Thank you so much for fixing my camera. You guys are real lifesavers!¬†I’m gonna buy stuff here every chance I get!”


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