November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Faux Papa

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! I was just wondering if I could return something to your store.”

Me: “Sure! That is no problem. Do you still have the receipt?”

Caller: “Yes I do.”

Me: “Than that should be no problem. Feel free to bring it in.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you so much. You see, I bought it for my son’s new baby, but it turns out that it’s not his…”

Adding Flames To The Fire

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a retail store that sells adult novelties like edible body paint and lingerie. A teenage customer has just bought a lighter with a pot leaf on it around an hour ago.)

Customer: “I want to return this. My mom said I’m not allowed to spend my money on stuff this vulgar.”

Me: “Well, we can either give you a different lighter or a gift card, but our return policy states we don’t give cash back.”

Customer: “Give me a minute.”

(The customer grabs a lighter to exchange it with. It’s in the shape of a hand with its middle finger extended and says ‘f*** you!’ whenever you press the button.)

Deaf Defying Customers

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

(Please note, I am hearing impaired.)

Customer: “Hello. Do you have any [brand] perfume?”

Me: “No we don’t.”

Customer: “But… but… I want it!”

Me: “You could try one of the outlet stores. Currently this store does not carry it.”

Customer: “Why don’t you call the store in Bellingham?”

Me: “I could check online for you to see if we have it in stock in Bellingham, but the stores do not carry it.”

Customer: *shouting* “Call the f***ing store!”

Me: “I’m hearing impaired. I cannot talk on the phone.”

Customer: “Just f***ing call them!”

(I proceed to call the store, but because I cannot hear I am constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat what they are saying.)

Customer: “What are you, deaf?!”

Me: “Yes, actually.”


Customer: “Oh.”

If Half A Brain, Then Half Off

| Anne Arundel County, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Miss? I have a question for you.”

Me: “Of course, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I found these movies on that rack over there. The sign says “2 for $20” and I was wondering how much they would be if I bought both of them.”

Me: “Ma’am, anything on that rack is $20 if you buy two.”

Customer: “No, I want these two specifically. The tags on them say that they are $20 each!”

Me: “I can see the confusion here, but I assure you that if you buy both of those they will only be $20.”

Customer: “But the tags say $20!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing you in here a few times before. Those are $20 a piece, but since you’re such a loyal customer I’ll knock off half.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! You’re so helpful!”

Saigon, And Thanks For The Memories

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “I’m looking for light weight shirts, I’m going on vacation!”

Me: “Well, that’s very exciting. Where to?”

Customer: “Vietnam. Haven’t been to that d*** place in over forty years!”

Me: “Wow, sir. That must be quite a bit for you.”

Customer: “You bet. At least I know I’ll only be shooting a camera this time!”