Featured Story:
  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
    (2,097 thumbs up)
  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
    Submit your story today!

    Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

    Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

    Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

    Related:
    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

    Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

    Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

    Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

    Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

    Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

    Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

    Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Childlike, But Not So Innocent

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

    Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

    Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

    Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

    Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

    Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

    Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

    Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

    Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

    Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

    2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

    | Norwood, MA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

    Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

    Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

    Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand”

    Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    Laptop Flop

    | Oklahoma, USA |

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to purchase a laptop but want to customize it a little bit.”

    Me: “Okay, great I can help you with that!” (I pulled up her account, pull up the laptop that she wants to customize.)

    Customer: “Okay, I want 3gb of memory, 160gb hard-drive, oh and also, can you please move the ‘delete’ key next to the space bar? I hate having to go to the top of the keyboard to press that.”

    Page 315/435First...313314315316317...Last