October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Anatomically Correct Vs Politically Incorrect

| Washington, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m in the restroom while on duty in uniform. I walk in the door.)

Customer: *startled* "Oh!"

Me: "Sorry, excuse me."

Customer: "You people use the bathroom too?"

Me: "Yes, we only have the one, so everyone uses the same one.”

Customer: "I guess I never thought of you as real people.”

There Is No Spoon

| Farmington, NM, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m opening the store for the day, and an elderly gentleman comes over to me.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hello!” *looks around for a moment* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Your spoon.” *produces a metal spoon from his pocket* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m afraid I must have forgotten it.”

Customer: “Well, what will you do if you find some ice cream?”

Me: “I suppose I’ll have to use an ice cream cone instead.”

(Seemingly satisfied and nodding, the man continues on his way.)

Questionable Questions

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | California | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me what time the mall closes today?”

Me: “Yeah, seven o’clock, so about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Okay. And do you know about how long it takes for everyone to evacuate the mall?”

Me: “I–what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, no reason.”

South Of The Border Of Intelligence

| Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just answered a customer’s question in Spanish. Another customer has apparently heard it.)

Customer: “Wow, you don’t even look Mexican!

Me: “Well, that’s because I’m not.”

Customer: “But you just talked to that woman in Spanish!”

Me: “My father is Puerto Rican, so I’m pretty fluent.”

Customer: “You’re not Mexican?”

Me: “No. I’m American. Shall we go ahead with your transaction?”

Customer: “Wow. Your English is excellent. No trace of a Mexican accent.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it’s pretty hard to have a Mexican accent if you’ve never been to Mexico.”

Customer: *winking* “Right.” *looks around* “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Monsters Of The ID

| Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Uncategorized, Underaged

(A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

(I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

Customer: “I know that’s there.”

Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

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