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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.)

    Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?”

    Me: “Anything.”

    Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

    Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

    Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

    Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

    Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

    (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

    Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

    (Enjoy your porn, Gary.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    American customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

    Me: “Um, no, sorry, only red.”

    American customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

    Me: “…”

    Canadian customer behind her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the stars-and-stripes would look great in earth tones.”

    American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”

    Guilt Trip: FAIL

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, we don’t sell pets.”

    Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”

    Me: “A pet store?”

    Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”

    Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”

    Customer: “Will you take me to it?”

    Me: “… no?”

    Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”

    Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”

    Just Another Day In Bedrock

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “You don’t say?”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!!”

    Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

    Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

    (He comes back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

    Baptism On A Budget

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

    Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

    (Outside…)

    Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

    Me: “Um, ok.”

    (The customer climbs in.)

    Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.”

    (The customer’s companion climbs in.)

    Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”


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