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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Customer Requests Can Be Unrealistic

    | Wilmington, DE, USA | Top

    (I work for a large retailer at a mall as a security guard which means wearing a dress shirt and tie with a jacket. As it’s the holiday shopping season it is impossible to find parking. I had just parked my car to go into work when I was approached by an older lady in her vehicle.)

    Customer: “Excuse me young man, are you leaving?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I just got here.”

    Customer: “Why are you all dressed up?”

    Me: “Well, I work at the store over here.”

    Customer: “So you’re not a real person? You should give me your spot.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re not a real person. You don’t need to park here like everyone else!”

    Anatomically Correct Vs Politically Correct

    Taxing Customers

    | FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes through my line and is watching me ring up her items.)

    Customer: “So, you guys tax each item individually?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So, you don’t just add it to the total?”

    Me: “Well, yes, and no. The running total adds it all up so you can see your current total, with tax. Your receipt will print up a single total tax added. It’s the same amount.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. You’re charging me more for each item!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s all the same. It’s just a matter of convenience, so you can see your total as each item is rung up.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! You’re stealing from me! I want to speak to a manager!”

    (My manager has been standing behind her during the entire exchange.)

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “This young lady is stealing my money. She is adding extra tax and pocketing it!”

    Manager: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll put it back for you.”

    (My manager comes over and presses a few buttons that do nothing, then totals it out. The amount is the same, but the woman doesn’t notice.)

    Manager: “Here you are, ma’am. You see your one tax add at the bottom.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *whispering* “You should get that evil girl out of here. She looks like a liberal, anyway.”

    Best To Avoid The Void

    | Newcastle, Australia | Uncategorized

    (I can’t cancel sales. If customer doesn’t want an item, I must void it and it still appears on the next receipt with the deletion below. This conversation takes place after I voided a $30 CD player and another customer comes through.)

    Customer: “The previous lady’s CD player is still on my receipt. I don’t want to pay for it!”

    Me: “Sorry madam, but if you look just below the CD player It says ‘Void CD Player’ and there is a -$30 next to it meaning the money has already come off your total.”

    Customer: *agitated* “I’m not very good at maths, but that doesn’t sound right. I don’t believe you.”

    Me: “The total of your items was only $16.50. If you had to also pay for the CD player, it would have been $46.50. You only gave me $20.”

    Customer: “I’m don’t believe you. If I figure out how you tricked me I’ll be back!”

    Caller I-D’oh

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am calling customers to remind them to pick up their ready orders.)

    Girl: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh…”

    (A fumbling sound can be heard as more moaning and gasping.)

    Me: “Ah. Yes, this is [my name] calling from [Opticians] and I just wanted to speak with [client’s name] however, if this is a bad time–”

    Girl: “Mmm… Hold on.”

    (I hear the sound of the phone being handed over to another person.)

    Man: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh… Just kidding, mom. What’s up? I thought
    you were at the spa today.”

    Me: “Actually I’m not your mom. This is actually just [my name] calling from [Opticians] to let you know your order’s been ready for quite some time to pickup.”

    Man: “Oh, t-thanks.”

    Me: “Yep, that’s no problem. Have a good day.”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you please help me find the new [brand] MP3 player? The one with the built in paedophile?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, built in what?”

    Customer: “Paedophile, that thing that keeps track of your footsteps?”

    Me: “Ah, yes. That would be a pedometer.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I can say with 100% certainty that none of our products have a built-in paedophile.”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number