Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Marriage Of The Undead
    (1,900 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

    , | Panama City, FL, USA | Top

    (I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

    Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

    Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

    Husband: “Mostly porn.”

    Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

    Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

    Wife: “Why’s that?”

    Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    When Customers Shop Past Their Naptime

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I can’t believe I had to open the door on my way in! It opens for me on the way out. Customers shouldn’t have to open doors.”

    Me: “But sir, if the ‘In’ door was automatic, it would smack you in the face.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I shouldn’t be expected to open my own doors.”

    Me: “Well, you could always use the handicapped button. That will open the door for you.”

    Customer: *stomps his foot* “No! No! No! No!”

    (The customer leaves looking at me expectantly and pointing at the automatic door on his way out.)

    Wild Creatures Of The Stupid Kingdom

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (I was shopping in a comic book store with my brother when a female customer approached me.)

    Girl: “You know what I’m going to do in college?”

    Me: “Er, what?”

    Girl: “I’m going to bark after every word when talking to the first person I see! Then they’ll go to my friends and say ‘Hey, where’s ****, the girl who barks?’, and nobody will know what they mean!”

    Me: “Uh…okay. Good idea.”

    A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry

    , | United Kingdom |

    (A woman and her three year old daughter leave the changing room and approach my counter. She looks to be flustered and in a hurry.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Just this, please.” *hands me her items*

    Me: “That’s £49.96, please.”

    (The woman frantically searches her bag for her purse and almost turfs the contents out onto the floor.)

    Customer: “I can’t find my purse.”

    Me: “It’s okay, take your time. Perhaps you left it in the changing room?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t leave anything in there! Here it is.”

    (She hands me her credit card, I complete the transaction and hand her her purchases.)

    Me: “Here you go. Thank you for visiting today.”

    Customer: *nervous smile* “Thank you.”

    (The woman walks away hastily. Just before she gets to the shop door, her daughter speaks up.)

    Customer’s daughter: “But mummy, we did leave something in the changing room!”

    Customer: *starts walking quicker* “Shhh!”

    Customer’s daughter: *triumphantly* “We left my poo in there!”

    (The woman grabs the child by the hand and runs out of the shop. My colleague and I run over to the changing room to see for ourselves. Sure enough, in the corner of one of the changing rooms, there is a small pile of poo. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)

    Friends With Benefits, Cards With Innuendos

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find a certain section?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

    Me: “Okay. What type of card?”

    Customer: “Well, there is this guy and he is my friend…but not really…and I want to get him a special card.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m not sure I understand. Do you want a friendship card?”

    Customer: “No. Oh my God, he would hate that! It’s just that…we’re friends, but not really. Like, we’re more than friends.”

    Me: “So, your boy–”

    Customer: “OH, GOD NO! He’s not my boyfriend. We just have a lot of sex, and I want to get him a card…for that.”

    Me: “Ma’am…I don’t think we actually make ‘Sex Buddy Cards’.”

    Customer: *long pause*

    Me: “Maybe a ‘Thank You’ card?”

    Customer: *runs from store*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Page 314/419First...312313314315316...Last