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    It’s A Perm, Not A Sperm

    | California, USA |

    Me: “[Beauty supply store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: *almost sobbing* “I need help! Do you know about permanent waves?”

    Me: “Yes, we carry a few different brands. Did you buy one here?”

    Caller: “No, I had one done by a friend. I don’t know where she bought it. I need to know…is it true that you can get pregnant if you have a perm while you’re on your period?”

    (At this point I’m hoping it’s a prank call. I try to keep my voice professional.)

    Me: “No, ma’am. A perm can’t cause that.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I am 100% positive having your hair permed can’t make you pregnant.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank God!” *hangs up*

    Mommy Sincerest

    | Annapolis, MD, USA |

    (I’m in a dressing room when I overhear a mother a few rooms down having this conversation with her two children she had brought in with her. She’s adding up aloud how much her items will cost.)

    Mom: $57…$64…”

    Child #1: “Uh-oh, mommy! Daddy said your limit was 50 dollars! That is more than 50 dollars!”

    Child #2: “Yeah, daddy said you can’t spend any more than $50!”

    Mom: “Well, you know what?! Since daddy gets to go to work everyday and I’m stuck with you two, I can spend however much I want! So you can tell daddy that he can kiss mommy’s fat a**! How about that?!”

    Child #2: *giggles* “I can’t wait to tell daddy that! You’re so funny, mommy!”

    Batteries And Brains Not Included

    | Surrey, BC, Canada |

    Me: “[Video game store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

    Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

    Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

    Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

    (At this point, caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

    Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous, you have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

    Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

    Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

    Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

    Caller: “I don’t have a f***ing TV!”

    Size Matters Of The Heart

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Top

    (A customer and his wife came in to look for a TV to buy.)

    Me: “Well, we have this 52″ Toshiba…”

    Husband: *to his wife* “Well, bigger is always better. Right, hon?”

    Wife: “I wouldn’t know…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

    Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

    Customer: “I really like this one.”

    Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

    Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

    Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

    Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

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