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    Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

    , | Canada |

    Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

    (The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

    Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

    Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

    Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

    Customer: “But I want it.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

    (The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

    Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

    Honesty Against The Best Policies

    | Staffordshire, England |

    (We have a 5-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walked out with arms full of stuff, then went back for more.)

    Me: “Excuse me, it’s only 5 items in the changing rooms.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

    Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at sign on wall*

    Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

    Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

    Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”

    Open Sesame (Bun)

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    (I’m collecting carts from the parking lot. A woman abandons her cart near her car, so I go to pick it up. Note that she’s also munching on some bread.)

    Customer: “Oh! I think I locked my keys in the car.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Please feel free to come inside and use the phone to call a locksmith or someone that can bring you another key.”

    Customer: “Look! The window is open just a little.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t help you get into the vehicle unless you are able to prove that it’s yours. I’d recommend calling a locksmith because that opening seems too small.”

    Customer: *ignores me* “Maybe if I can just get something in?”

    (The woman rips a piece of bread off the loaf she is eating and stuffs it in through the car window.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know how that is going to help.”

    Customer: “I thought…maybe if I could just get something in there?”

    Once You Go Front-Load, You Never Go Back

    | Ithaca, NY, USA |

    (I sell home appliances at a national store chain. I’m talking to a married couple interested in a washer and dryer.)

    Me: “So this is one of our top-rated washers in terms of reliability, price, and capacity.”

    Wife: “Does it come in other colors?”

    Me: “Yes. You’ll notice on the sign here, there’s a listing of the colors available and the price difference, if any. So, for instance, this machine also comes in another color.”

    Husband: “I bet that machine has a much bigger capacity.”

    Wife: “Ugh, why is it always about sex with you?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    He’s Ho-Ho-Home For the Holidays

    | Chillicothe, OH, USA |

    (A customer comes up to us shortly after our mall Santa has finished for the season.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, is Santa here?”

    Me: “No, yesterday was his last day.”

    Customer #1: “When will he be back?”

    Me: “I think he’s done for the season.”

    Customer #1: “Well, do you know where he is?”

    Me: “Um…the North Pole?”

    Customer #2: “Hahaha!”

    Customer #1: “…okay, I walked in to that one.”

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