October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Sounds Like They’ve Had Too Many Bottles Already

| Memphis, TN, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

(I’m working at a popular arts and crafts store as a cashier.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store], this is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have a chemical, or some sort of solution, for turning clear water into wine?”

Me: “Uh… like… dyeing it to look like wine?”

Customer: *completely serious* “No. Turning it INTO wine.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you’ll have better luck calling the church for that.”

Some Customers Are Completely See-Through

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(When a customer at the store uses a credit card, we always need ID and either the last four digits and/or the security code on the back.)

Me: “Alright, sir, I’ll just need to see your ID and credit card for a second.”

Customer: *hands me ID* “2-9-4-7!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I have to see the credit card for security reasons.”

Customer: *shouting slowly* “2-9-4-7!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I heard you. But I need to be able to see the card.”

Customer: “No. No way. I never let anyone see my card. You people are just trying to take my numbers and use my card for yourselves! No way!”

Me: “I promise you, sir, I will not be able to memorize your 16-digit number and know your security number by looking at the front of the card for less than two seconds.”

Customer: “I know a girl who can do it!”

Me: “Well, I do not have that kind of memory, but what if you put your finger over the numbers and just show me the name on the card and the last four digits? I absolutely must see the card, sir, or you will have to pay with a different method.”

Customer: “Well…I guess that would be okay. You don’t have X-ray vision, do you?”

Me: *laughs* “No, no I don’t.”

Customer: “Don’t laugh! I know someone who does!”

Ah, Mothers, Part 7

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I’m putting a bridal set on a mannequin. The bottom has a train on it and a little girl is pulling on it.)

Me: “Please don’t pull on that.”

Mother: “Oh, she’s fine.”

Me: “If she rips it, you have to pay for it.”

Mother: *bellowing at daughter* “DON’T TOUCH THAT!”

Ah, Mothers, Part 6
Ah, Mothers, Part 5
Ah, Mothers, Part 4
Ah, Mothers, Part 3
Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers

Small Appliances, Big Defiances

| Lima, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, Men’s Department. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Men’s? I wanted Small Appliances!”

Me: “Well my phone is actually the closest to that department. We don’t have a phone or cash register in that section since it is small. So. I handle that department too.”

Caller: “I want the Small Appliances Department!”

Me: “Sir, there is no phone for that department and I can easily help you with any questions you have.”

(He hangs up and immediately calls back.)

Me: “Hello, Men’s. How may I help you today?”

Same Caller: “Great, it’s you again. Well, fine…tell how much [a blender] is.”

Me: “Well, since you don’t know the product code I will need to walk over to check the price myself. It will only take a few minutes.”

Caller: “That’s bulls***!”

(He hangs up and immediately calls back. We run through the same thing again.)

Caller: “What is your name, you dumb b****?” I am going to call your manager and make sure you are fired you dumb***!” *click*

(For this last call, my manager is here.)

Manager: “I know he won’t call, but I wish I could tell him that you are getting a raise and promotion because of him.”

Unleashes A Whole Raft Of Problems

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Money, Uncategorized

(I am a supervisor called to returns for an override.)

Me: “Hello! I understand we’re returning an inflatable raft?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right. I don’t like this one.”

Me: “Okay, sorry to hear that. Give me just a sec to reverse the transaction. There you go! Anything else?”

Customer: “No, that’s all, I’m going to shop & look for another raft.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but it’s a seasonal item, we no longer carry them.”

Customer: “Oh, alright.”

*comes back about 20 minutes later*

Customer: “Excuse me, since you don’t have any more rafts & I need one, can I buy the one I just returned?”

Me: “Uh, sure!”

Customer: “Well, since it’s used and it’s the last one, can I get a discount?”

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