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  • I Find Your Lack Of T-shirts Disturbing

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (Note: I’m selling t-shirts at Comic Con in San Diego. Two men are dressed as Star Wars characters come to my booth.)

    Jedi #1: “Man, these shirts are all great. I don’t know how I’ll pick.”

    Coworker: “Well, they are two for $35, so you can get any two you like.”

    Jedi #2: “Is there any deal for three?”

    Coworker: “Nope, just by twos.”

    (Suddenly, the second Jedi activates his light-up light saber and speaks in an angry, menacing tone.)

    Jedi #2: “How about now?!”

    Looking Forward To Backward Logic

    | Missouri, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m here to return this shirt. I’m not satisfied with it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you explain what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “The writing on it is all backward.”

    (She pulls the shirt from her bag, but the lettering looks fine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m looking at it right now, and this shirt is definitely not backward.”

    Customer: “No, I went home and tried it on, and it was backward!”

    Me: “Were you looking in a mirror?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it should still read from right to left!”

    A Man Of Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    (I had lost my entire wallet just a week prior. A customer approaches my check stand. He has an 18-pack of beer on the belt, and he looks about 20 years old.)

    Me: *ringing him up* “ID, please.”

    Customer: “You got it!”

    (The customer pulls out a wallet that looks exactly like mine, broken chain and all. He then proceeds to show me my own ID.)

    Me: *taking my wallet back from him* “Two problems with this.”

    Customer: “What the h***, man?!”

    Me: “First off, this is MY ID; MY wallet. Secondly, I’m not 21, and neither is this thing.”

    Customer: *runs out of the store*

    Hope For The Best, Prepare For The 50 Megaton Blast

    | Jersey, Channel Islands |

    (I work in an electronics & gas appliance store. A customer is inquiring about fireplaces.)

    Customer: “I would like a power flue, but if the electricity cuts out I’ll be left with no heating!”

    Supervisor: “We’re pretty lucky here, though. The electricity very rarely cuts out.”

    Customer: “But…what if they drop a bomb?!”

    Supervisor: “Well, um…we’d all be dead, so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

    Customer: “No, not necessarily. Unfortunately, some of us will survive, and we will be left with no heating!”

    Supervisor: “How…unfortunate?”

    Security Insecurity

    | Albany, NY, USA |

    Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”

    Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”

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