Not Exactly Gifted

| Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

(As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

(He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”

Wifi Works Best With A Mouse

| Newark, NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in this ‘wifi’ you’ve got. I want it in my house.”

Me: “Do you have a cable or DSL connection?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you have a device hooked up to a phone line or cable line that gives you internet?”

Customer: “Yes, I do. Can you bring me a wifi?”

Me: “Sure miss, we’ve got our routers all over in this area.”

Customer: “Routers? Won’t that scare the wifi away?”

Talking Shirty

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I need you to help me pick out something to wear.”

Me: “Alright. Any special occasion?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got a date on Saturday. I’m taking my girl to [local amusement park].”

Me: “Alright, so you’ll probably need shorts and a nice shirt. How about this?”

Customer: “No, nicer than that.”

Me: “It’s supposed to be really hot this weekend, so you’d need a shirt with a thin fabric. This is a very well-made shirt.”

Customer: “If you say so, but I better get laid or I’ll be back Sunday and file a complaint.”

(A female coworker walks past and the customer starts talking to her.)

Customer: “Hey, would you sleep with me if I wore this?”

Female coworker: “…”

Can’t Take The Heat Of A Melting Pot

| Trois-Rivières, QC, Canada | Canada, Language & Words, Top, Uncategorized

Coworker: “Hello, sir. Are you looking for something?”

Customer: “I refuse to be helped by you. You’re Chinese. You’re another one of these darn immigrants stealing the honest Canadians’ jobs!”

Coworker: “Well, my grandmother is from Japan, but I assure you I was born in the province of Quebec.”

Customer: “Lies, lies, and lies!” *spots me* “Finally, a prime example of our good Canadian youth. Young sir, can you help me, please?”

Me: *in my New Brunswick accent* “Sure I can. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What kind of accent is this? Are you German? Or Russian? Get me the manager! I don’t understand how a sane person could hire these instead of a hard working Canadian!”

Me: *grabbing the phone* “Calling Maria to front desk.”

Customer: “Maria!? That’s Latino!”

Off The Clock Customer Block

| Robinson, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(After my shift, I am shopping in the store I work at. I am not wearing my name tag, but still wearing a plain blue polo and black slacks.)

Customer: “Excuse me! You work here, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yeah but not right now I actually just–”

Customer: “Can you find these shoes for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m done for the day. I just clocked out.”

Customer: “Then what are you doing here?”

Me: “I’m shopping too.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be allowed to do that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You guys shouldn’t be allowed to shop while normal people are shopping! I want to speak to your manager!”

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