Elixirs Of Everlasting Life Are On Aisle 5

| Evansville, IN, USA |

(While ringing up a customer, the computer flags cold medicine and asks for age verification.)

Me: “Sir, I need to verify your date of birth.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “You’re trying to buy medicine and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.”

Customer: “Oh. April 20th, 1420.”

Me: “Sir, I really need your actual birth date to continue.”

Customer: “4-20-1420. Put it in.”

(I enter the date. The system accepts. I look in disbelief.)

Customer: “Told you.”

Candid Camera, Candid Answer

| England, UK |

Me: “Hello there, can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like some batteries for my camera.”

Me: “Okay, what does it take?”

Customer: “Pictures.”

Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

| Michigan, USA |

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

No Flirting A-Loud

| Midland, MI, USA |

(I’m scanning out an elderly couple. The man is obviously hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, and how are you folks today?”

Customer: “You look so young. Why is that?”

Me: “I’m only 19.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!”

Customer: “Oh…do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m engaged, actually.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S ENGAGED!”

Customer: “Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?”

Me: “Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s Wife: “SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Future Underwater Basketweaving Majors

| Perth, Australia |

(I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of
everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

Customer: “So they’re free?”

Me: “No, they’re $50.”

Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

Customer: “Hey mum, these shoes are free!”

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