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    Sorry, This Store Is Full Of Yahoos

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I called in here yesterday and put an item on hold. Do you have it?”

    Me: “Let me check, who put it on hold for you?”

    Customer: “Google.”

    Me: “Google?”

    Customer: “Yes, Google…or Nadia.”

    Me: “We don’t have a Nadia here, do you mean Natalie?”

    Customer: “No, his name was Nadia!”

    Me: “His name was Nadia?”

    Customer: “Yes…or Google.”

    No Fortitude For Longitude

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”

    Customer: “Dallas.”

    Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”

    Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”

    (I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)

    Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”

    Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”

    Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”

    Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Closing Early Has Grim Reaper-cussions

    | Midland, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7pm. A couple is at my lane at 8:30pm.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”

    Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh well.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, she’s old enough to die anyway.”

    To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

    Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

    Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

    Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

    Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

    Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

    Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works son. I’ll just buy this one.”

    Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

    Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”

    We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

    Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

    Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

    Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

    Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”

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