I sell printer cartridges. A customer came into the store with the previous cartridge box, so at least I didn’t have to play twenty questions to find out what I should give them.

Me: *Pointing at the box* “Do you want the base original? Like this one? Or the XL?”

Customer: “Yes, how much is it?”

Me: *Picking up the box and checking the price* “It’s 18.80€.”

Customer: “Okay.”

He stood still, looking at me. I waited ten seconds before speaking again.

Me: “Did you need only the black cartridge or the colour, too?”

Silence. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t even blinking.

Me: “Is everything okay?”

After a bit, he finished the reboot.

Customer: “Oh, right. You want to be paid!”

And with that, he gave me a debit card.

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 24
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 23
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 22
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 21
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 20

In the ’90s I worked for a now-defunct retailer that sold books, music, and movies, and also did movie rentals. When we were slow in the other departments, we would help out putting returned movies away. As I was doing so, I heard this exchange (which has been burned into my brain for twenty-five years) between a customer and our video manager:

Customer: “What’s this one about, this Hamlet?”

Manager: “That’s Shakespeare, the Shakespeare play. They did a movie of it.”

Customer: *Pointing at Mel Gibson on the cover.* “You mean him?”

Manager: “Right, Mel Gibson plays Hamlet. Glenn Close is in it too, Alan Bates. Good cast.”

Customer: *Looking at the pictures on the back.* “So who does Shakespeare play? Which one’s he?”

Manager: “Um, he isn’t in it…”

Customer: “So he’s the director or what?”

Manager: “No, he wrote it…”

Customer: “But he’s not in it?”

Manager: “No, he… he’s been dead for some time…”

Customer: “Well, what’s it about?”

My manager gives him a two-sentence summary of the plot, to which the guy responds with nine words that instantly became an employee inside joke for ages afterward, and I quote:

Customer: “So it’s not a family movie like Flubber, then.”

He left with ‘Flubber.’

I worked for a shoe company and in the team that took inbound USA calls. The USA customers were… different. 

A frequent misunderstanding was the Buy one get one free offer. For example, a customer may return their free item for a replacement, one customer did this twice one the same order. Unfortunately, they did not call before returning it and we were out of stock.

Caller: “This is terrible; just issue me a refund!”

Me: “I apologise, as this is a free item, there is no money to refund. We can offer you a different shoe as a replacement, there may be a slight charge.”

Caller: *Now irate.* “I have lost money! This is unacceptable; I want a manager. I have been violated!”

Me: “I can certainly do that, but if I may say you will still be receiving a good discount and the bought pair of shoe had already been discounted as well.”

Hence, several minutes of raging till they begrudgingly paid $12 different for the replacement they wanted.

After she hung up, I had to take a minute to realise during all the crisis the in the world with people dying, someone had the gall to bead over shoes and to actually use the word “violated!”

A young child had an accident in our store and left poop on our floor. The child’s mother just left the mess.

My coworker and I confronted her over the mess. She screamed what I assume was blue bloody murder at us in another language for this. Then, she continued to scream at us for refusing to let her continue to shop.

My coworker put a chair over the mess to stop people from walking through it, but while she was away fetching cleaning equipment, someone moved the chair to fit their trolley down the aisle. The mess got tracked everywhere.

A customer is trying to get a return.

Coworker: “Can I ask the reason for the return?”

Customer: “The petrol lawnmower won’t start, it isn’t sparking, I’m a gardener by trade I know what I’m talking about, we haven’t even used it or put petrol into it.”

At this point, my coworker goes to get the manager as we aren’t sure about the policy for returning a petrol lawnmower.

Manager: “So it isn’t sparking.”

My manager proceeds to open the sealed box to get said lawnmower out, only for us to smell petrol.

Customer: “I did empty all the petrol out, but I didn’t want to flip it over and cause more damage just in case you blame me for that.”

The customer states again that he is a gardener and that he knows what he is talking about. I step in as my coworker is getting flustered.

Me: “If it isn’t sparking it’s a sparkplug issue.”

Customer: “No it just won’t start at all, I’ve not even used it.”

Manager: “I’m not sure if we can do a return because there is still petrol in the tank.”

Customer: “But I emptied it there should be nothing in there.”

Indeed there was a ton of petrol that me, my manager and two other coworkers had to drain out. It got all over the floor and stank the shop out, the customer got his refund and a brand-new petrol lawnmower

We tried to point out that he may want to watch the instructional video that the box has a QR code for – that way there are no problems. Turns out he had overfilled the petrol tank and flooded it.