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    Not Enough Oxygen In The Brain

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello. You’ve reached [company]. How may we help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I recently purchased a carbon-monoxide detector thingies from here, and I was just wondering what to do if it goes off?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to call emergency services and leave your house immediately.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *long pause* “Could you hang up please? My phone broke and won’t let me end conversations but I have to call 911.”

    Me: “Wait. Your alarm is going off? Ma’am, that’s dangerous! Get out of your house now!”

    Customer: “Oh, I threw it in the garbage disposal, it’s okay.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Hey, like I said before, could you hang up?”

    Extremely Last Minute Shopping

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Is there something I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this jacket for a ski trip. Do you have this one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are over there on that fixture. Let me know if I can check for a size in the back.”

    (The customer goes off, looks at the jackets then comes back.)

    Customer: “There wasn’t the size I needed on the rack. Could you check in the back?”

    Me: *checks in back* “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that size.”

    Customer: “What?! Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Well, I can order it for you. It will only take about a week.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait a week.”

    Me: “We can also expedite shipping. When do you leave?”

    Customer: “I’m on my way to the airport.”

    Talk Is Cheap, Texting However…

    | Utah, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

    Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

    (I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

    Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

    (He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

    Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their…services.”

    Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

    Like Himself, His Answer Was Full Of Crap

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”

    Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”

    (I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)

    Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*

    Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”

    Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 2

    | Swansea, MA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Alright, is that everything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I have a question.”

    (The customer holds up two packages of sliced ham.)

    Customer: “Does this have any pork in it?”

    Me: “Um, well, yes. Ham is a pork product.”

    Customer: “Both of them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay, then I’m not getting them. I thought maybe you had the kind of ham that had turkey in it.”

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    Not To La-Boar The Point

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