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    When ‘Geography For Dummies’ Is A Step Up

    | Bangor, ME, USA |

    (A customer called to check on the status of a mail order she mailed a week prior. I mentioned that mail orders are sent to Albany, NY.)

    Customer: “Where are you?”

    Me: “I am in Bangor, Maine.”

    Customer: “Oh. Is that in New York?”

    Me: “No. It’s… Bangor, Maine.” pause “Bangor is a city in the state of Maine.”

    Customer: “Really? Where is Maine?”

    Me: “It’s northeast of New York. It is the most northeastern state in the country. It borders New Hampshire to the east.”

    Customer: “It borders what?”

    Me: “New Hampshire.” *long pause* “New Hampshire is also a state.”

    Customer: “…huh. Never heard of it.”

    Ired By Shire Attire

    , | Montreal, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

    Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “He played in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

    Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

    Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

    Beware The Nines Of Merch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I’m at the service desk when an elderly man comes up.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you can answer me a question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Do you have anything for sale that doesn’t end in .99?”

    Me: “Well, we’ve got some 79′s and 49′s, but prices are usually always going to end–”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I know what you’re trying to do with those nines! I know that you’re just trying to convince me it’s cheaper! Do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “TAKE THE NINES SERIOUSLY!” *storms out*

    They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

    | Medford, OR, USA |

    (An older woman walks up to the electronics desk and addresses me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to buy Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.”

    Me: “Is this a gift for someone?”

    Customer: “Yes, this is for my 4-year-old grandson.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, just to let you know, this game has been rated ‘M’ for Mature, and has a lot of violence, profanity, drug use, and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s okay, he’s already been exposed to all that…”

    Customers Of A Feather Flock Together

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA |

    (While working at the cutting counter of my fabric store, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two older women.)

    Customer #1: “Well, I feel sorry for America. The majority of people are just so d*** ignorant!”

    Customer #2: “Yes, I completely agree with you…”

    (Customer #1 spots some fabric in our clearance section.)

    Customer #1: “Oooh, it’s SHINY!”

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