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    Unfortunately, The Vice Squad Is All Tied Up At The Moment

    | Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! There are kinky things in the family section!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, maybe something got incorrectly shelved. If you could just show me?”

    Customer: “Here! Look!”

    (He grabs a DVD and waves it under my face. It’s an old episode of Doctor Who which features the main character blindfolded on the cover.)

    Me: “Sir, that is an old children’s show. There’s nothing adult, kinky or otherwise, going on there.”

    Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous! I know filth when I see it!”

    Me: “I promise you, this is a popular family show in Britain.”

    Customer: “Well, no wonder they’re all perverts over there! I demand you remove this from your shelves! You shouldn’t sell these things if you haven’t even seen them!”

    Me: “Actually, I have seen it, and I wholeheartedly approve.”

    Customer: “Pervert!”

    Redial By Fire

    | Franklin, TN, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week, and was calling about my test results.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    (Not 5 seconds later, the phone rings again.)

    Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’ve dialed the wrong number again.”

    Caller: “This isn’t [doctor’s] office?”

    Me: “No, sir, this is a women’s clothing store.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    (5 seconds later.)

    Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

    Me: Sir, you’ve called [store] again.

    Caller: “**** it! I’m calling the right number, why do you keep answering?”

    Me: “Sir, the office number is very close to ours, so maybe when you’re dialing the numbers, you’ve been accidentally hitting a wrong key?”

    Caller: “What numbers? I’ve been hitting redial!”

    Undeveloped Mind

    | Cranford, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “I am just calling to let you guys know you have pictures here that you dropped off in December.”

    Customer: “I don’t have pictures there.”

    Me: “Maybe we mislabeled the bag? The pictures are of a family of four celebrating Christmas? Two kids? Boy and girl?”

    Customer: “That’s my family, but I don’t have pictures there. To be honest, I think you are trying to scam me into buying pictures I already bought and took home.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “This is the second time you’ve called. I already picked those up and brought them home. You stole those from me and printed them to get more money out of me!”

    Me: “Are you saying I broke into your house?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I’m calling the police now!”

    Please See The Hypothetical Aisle

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in looking for an item I knew we do not carry.)

    Customer: “Where would I find a [item]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry that.”

    Customer: *stares at me awhile* “Well, if you did carry it, what aisle would it be in?”

    Cost In The Translation

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (In the store we put on our own price tags, but customers have a bad habit of taking them off to get a lower price.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a price on this?”

    Me: “Sure.” *takes a look* “It’ll be $14.99.”

    Customer’s daughter: *in Spanish* “Wow mom, that’s more expensive than the real tag!”

    Customer: “No thanks.”

    Me: *in Spanish* “Have a good day, and come back soon!” *wink*

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