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    Stupidity Bytes

    | Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for coming in! Anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “I need the internet.”

    Me: “Okay. You need to get connected to the internet at your house?”

    Customer: “No! I need the internet, idiot. Don’t you guys sell them here with lots of gigglebites and dial-up modems and the like?”

    Me: “You need a computer tower then? We have plenty of those.”

    Customer: “No! I need the internet! My friend has an internet and its fast and has 10 gigglebites.”

    Me: “Okay, I will do everything I can to help you. I would also recommend you grab a copy of one of our guides that should be a great help.”

    (I show him a copy of Computers for Dummies.)

    Customer: “Does it come with the internet?”

    Pane-ful Marriage

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Top

    (A customer who has just made a purchase comes back into our store asking for help; she’s locked her keys in her car. I go out to try and help.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your window is open.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Your window. It’s open.”

    (The customer reaches in and gets her keys, opens the door, rolls up the window, locks the car, throws the keys back inside, and closes the door.)

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “I know! I know! It’s just that I already called my husband to bring the second set! He’d have given me h*** if he saw the window was open!”

    What A Tool

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy this table saw, but I only want to pay $300.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is $400.”

    Customer: “But I only want to pay $300!”

    (This goes back and forth 3 or 4 times.)

    Customer: “Tell you what. Take $100 off the table saw and I might come in next week and buy that!” *points to a $20 tool*

    Me: “Sorry, sir but I’m not taking $100 off an item just because you buy a $20 item in a week.”

    Customer: “You clearly don’t know how to run a business!”

    Not Quite Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

    | Oklahoma, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer and her 8 year old son approach me.)

    Customer: “My son peed on one of your aisles.”

    Customer’s son: *shouting* “I peed myself!”

    Customer: “Stop yelling!”

    Customer’s son: “I peed myself! I peed myself! I peed myself!”

    Me: “Why did you pee yourself?”

    Customer’s son: “My mom was taking to long and I told her I had to pee and she said ok so I peed myself. Am I in trouble?”

    Me: “No. We will just get this cleaned up. Just make sure next time you find the bathroom okay?”

    Customer’s son: “Okay. Where’s the bathroom? I gotta poop too.”

    No Intelligence Inside

    | Pottstown, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [second hand store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve been trying to find games for my computer and I was wondering if you had any?”

    Me: “We have plenty of computer games. What kind of operating system are you running?”

    Customer: “Huh? It’s um…it’s a [computer brand].”

    Me: “Okay, but which operating system do you use?”

    Customer: “It’s a…[retail store]?”

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