October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Deaf Defying Customers

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

(Please note, I am hearing impaired.)

Customer: “Hello. Do you have any [brand] perfume?”

Me: “No we don’t.”

Customer: “But… but… I want it!”

Me: “You could try one of the outlet stores. Currently this store does not carry it.”

Customer: “Why don’t you call the store in Bellingham?”

Me: “I could check online for you to see if we have it in stock in Bellingham, but the stores do not carry it.”

Customer: *shouting* “Call the f***ing store!”

Me: “I’m hearing impaired. I cannot talk on the phone.”

Customer: “Just f***ing call them!”

(I proceed to call the store, but because I cannot hear I am constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat what they are saying.)

Customer: “What are you, deaf?!”

Me: “Yes, actually.”


Customer: “Oh.”

If Half A Brain, Then Half Off

| Anne Arundel County, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Miss? I have a question for you.”

Me: “Of course, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I found these movies on that rack over there. The sign says “2 for $20” and I was wondering how much they would be if I bought both of them.”

Me: “Ma’am, anything on that rack is $20 if you buy two.”

Customer: “No, I want these two specifically. The tags on them say that they are $20 each!”

Me: “I can see the confusion here, but I assure you that if you buy both of those they will only be $20.”

Customer: “But the tags say $20!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing you in here a few times before. Those are $20 a piece, but since you’re such a loyal customer I’ll knock off half.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! You’re so helpful!”

Saigon, And Thanks For The Memories

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “I’m looking for light weight shirts, I’m going on vacation!”

Me: “Well, that’s very exciting. Where to?”

Customer: “Vietnam. Haven’t been to that d*** place in over forty years!”

Me: “Wow, sir. That must be quite a bit for you.”

Customer: “You bet. At least I know I’ll only be shooting a camera this time!”

Even Vampires Don’t Want That ‘Blood’

| Hayward, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(This at the DVD release of the Twilight Movie, two men approach the desk. They are Caucasian.)

Customer #1: “Hey lend me some money, I wanna buy this movie!”

Customer #2: “Naw, get your own cash!”

Customer #1: “C’mon, this movie got leprechauns!”

Customer #2: “Dang, I ain’t gonna give you no cash!”

Customer #1: “Man you spoozy!”

(Customer #1 walks off, returns with Twilight.)

Customer #1: “C’mon! It’s on sale! Jus’ lend me 20!”

Customer #2: “Alright fine, take it.”

Customer #1: *looking at me* “Eh man, know what this movie’s about?”

Me: “Well–”

Customer #2: *pointing at the characters on the cover* “This one’s a vampire, and this b**** don’t know ’bout it!”

A Positive Ending

| Culver City, CA, USA | Top

(A guest comes through my line with a four pack of AA batteries and an energy drink called Assault. He is trying not to giggle during the transaction.)

Me: “Here is your receipt, have a great day!”

Customer: “Guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You just charged me for Assault and battery!” *grabs his bag and sprints out of the store*

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