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    Stop, Drop & Service The Customer

    | Bournemouth, UK |

    (The fire alarm began to go off, and an old woman came up to my counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store, there appears to be a fire upstairs.”

    Customer: “But I want to buy these shoes…”

    Me: “If the fire is contained then you can come back in and buy them later.”

    Customer: “Can you check if you have them in my size?”

    Me: “That’s where the fire is – can you please leave the building now? It’s dangerous to be in here!”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, all I want you to do is check if you have it in my size!”

    Me: “So let me get this straight: you want me to go upstairs into a burning part of the building, to see if we have some shoes in your size, which are probably currently on fire?”

    Customer: “Is that so much to ask?”

    Me: “Get out.”

    Rage Against The Earless Machine

    , | Hilliard, OH, USA |

    (I overheard this conversation between a self checkout machine and a customer.)

    Self checkout machine: “Please take your items.”

    Customer: “DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE F*** TO DO! WHAT? DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID? YOU THINK I’M JUST GOING TO LEAVE MY S*** HERE?!”

    Some-Bunny Was Cranky Today…

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    Me: “All right, you’re all set! Here are your bags, and have a good weekend!”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “And Happy Easter!”

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: “Happy Easter?”

    Customer: “That could be offensive.”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, some people don’t celebrate Easter. It’s offensive and rude of you to assume that.”

    Me: “I…I’m sorry. I guess I did assume, because you were buying plastic eggs and basket grass.”

    Customer: “You see? You’re assuming.”

    Me: “Would you like me to un-wish you a happy Easter?”

    Customer: “And there you go with the f***ing rude attitude! I celebrate Easter! I just think you need to not be so assuming!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Customer: *leaving* “Ignorant little f***s…”

    Give Me Good Ol’ Inefficiency Any Day

    | Utah, USA |

    (I’m one of the fastest cashiers and often receive positive feedback from customers.)

    Me: “… and your total is $***.**.”

    Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. I added it up. It should be less than that! You need to change something!”

    Me: “Alright, sir, but it will take me a minute to bring your transaction back up. Your receipt is already printed.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous! This is your fault–you rang me up too flippin’ fast! I’m sick of these stores and their flippin’ fast cashiers!” *takes receipt and storms away*

    Next customer: “Did that guy seriously just yell at you for being fast?!”

    Ah, Grandmothers

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was working in the fitting room and overheard an obviously frustrated grandmother and her 7 year old granddaughter yelling at each other.)

    Grandmother: “Put on your d*** pants!”

    Girl: “No! I don’t want to!”

    Grandmother: “1…2…3…”

    Girl: “Nooooo! I hate you!”

    Grandmother: “Well, I hate you too, so we’re even!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Ah, Fathers
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2


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