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    Some Customers Never Let You Down

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there, if that’s what you’re looking for”.

    Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

    Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you do don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

    Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift”.

    Age Before Cutie

    | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    (This happened about 6 or 7 years ago when I was a teenager. I had long hair then and sometimes wore it in pigtails. I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer.)

    Customer: “Aw, I just love your hair! It looks so cute!”

    Me: “Thanks! I like wearing it up like this, but it makes me look younger than I am. I get called ‘hun’ and ‘sweetheart’ a lot when it’s up.”

    Customer: *gasps* “Now you listen here! I’m one of those ones who calls people ‘hun’ and I don’t like your attitude. You need to learn to take a compliment and not be such a brat!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *grabs her stuff out of my hands, marches away, and slams the door behind her*

    It’s Difficult To Make It Any Simpler

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, this is *** how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I just bought a Xbox 360 and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Could you describe the problem ma’am?”

    Caller: “It won’t turn on. I took it out of the box and it won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Are all the cables plugged into the system TV and wall outlet?”

    Caller: “I have to plug it in?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. It will not work unless it is plugged in.”

    Caller: “How do I do that?”

    (I go through the steps of connecting the AV cables and the power plug.)

    Caller:  “It still won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Did you push the power button?”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The big round button on the front of the console.”

    Caller: “I don’t know why you make these machines so difficult to use!” *hangs up*

    Sorry, This Store Is Full Of Yahoos

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I called in here yesterday and put an item on hold. Do you have it?”

    Me: “Let me check, who put it on hold for you?”

    Customer: “Google.”

    Me: “Google?”

    Customer: “Yes, Google…or Nadia.”

    Me: “We don’t have a Nadia here, do you mean Natalie?”

    Customer: “No, his name was Nadia!”

    Me: “His name was Nadia?”

    Customer: “Yes…or Google.”

    No Fortitude For Longitude

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”

    Customer: “Dallas.”

    Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”

    Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”

    (I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)

    Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”

    Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”

    Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”

    Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”

    No Aptitude For Latitude

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