Failed Aisle 101

| FL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work the floor at my store, tidying and stocking, so some variation of this event happens to me pretty much every day.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, how can I hel—”

Customer #2: “HEY, I HAVE A QUESTION!”

Me: “Uh, one second, I’m with this gue—”

Customer #2: “WHERE IS THE GREEN PAPER?!”

Me: *giving them a stern look for interrupting, but eye-agreeing with the other customer that I’ll answer this question so the rude person goes away* “It’s right there on aisle 103.”

Customer #2: “104?”

Me: “103. Right there. You can see the green paper just down the aisle there.”

Customer #2: “104? 104?”

Me: “103.”

Customer #2: “Okay, 104.”

Me: “No, 103. Right. There. 104 does not have paper.”

Customer #2: “Oh, okay, 104. Thanks.” *walks off*

Customer #1: “Well… that was… interesting. You have a lot of patience. Good job. I almost snapped just watching. Anyway, I was going to ask you wha—”

Customer #2: *coming off aisle 104* “YOU TOLD ME WRONG! IT’S NOT ON 104. GET AN EDUCATION! YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” *storms off*

Customer #1: “…I’m so sorry.”

Awesomeballs

| Reno, NV, USA | Awesome Workers

(Our store sells large plastic balls at the front of our main counter as an attraction for kids. The advertising on them says they bounce up to 75 feet if you throw them hard enough, and as such, they’re very expensive. I’m checking out with a customer when a lady comes up to my side of the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you tell me why those balls are expensive?”

(Beyond their advertised bouncing ability, I don’t know of the *real* reason behind the high pricing on the balls, so I literally say the first thing that comes to my mind.)

Me: “Um… because they’re made of magic and awesomeness.”

(Both customers burst out laughing and, while the customer didn’t buy anything, she left with a smile on her face. It was a long shift, but at least I made someone laugh.)

Freely Disordered

| South Bend, IN, USA | Crazy Requests

(A customer is ordering photo prints.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “That’s a lot of money. Did she apply my coupon?”

Me: *checks* “Yep, both coupons were applied.”

Customer: “That’s an awful lot. Why are my pictures so highly priced?”

Me: “Well you also have the poster.”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “Yes, you do.”

Customer: “I didn’t order one.”

Me: “It’s right here.”

Customer: “It’s not mine.”

Me: *opens the poster and shows the customer* “Is that yours?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but I didn’t order that!”

Me: “Well, looks like it was an accident. I’ll take that off.”

Customer: “I didn’t order that!”

Me: “The wrong button was probably pressed; it happens all the time.”

Customer: “I did not order that! I don’t know how it got there!”

Me: “Okay, it’s taken off. Your new total is [total].”

Customer: “What are you going to do with that poster?”

Me: “It’s going in our waste bin to be disposed of.”

Customer: “Well, can I have it?”

Me: “Do you want to pay for it?”

Customer: “No! I didn’t order it!”

Me: “Then it’s going in our waste bin to be disposed of.”

Customer: “But it’s mine…”

Me: “Only if you pay for it. Have a nice day!” *takes the poster and puts it in the waste bin*

Customer: “I didn’t order that!”

An Alarming Lack Of Parenting

, | Bucks County, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(We share a building with a popular candle store that is notorious for setting the fire alarms off. I have been working with a customer who is amassing a rather large pile of clothing, lingerie, and makeup. She is letting her ten-year-old son run all over the store and not stopping him from pulling the pants down on all of the mannequins in the store, picking up handfuls of underpants and throwing them, and spraying the employees with a bottle of tester perfume. I am being a good sport and putting up with it because she is going to spend a lot of money and she is being pleasant with me. All of a sudden, the fire alarm goes off.)

Me: “Oh, no, [Candle Store] must have set off the fire alarms again. We are going to have to vacate the building. I’m sorry, ma’am. If you want me to hold the clothes at the register, I can finish your transaction as soon as they give us the all clear to come back in.”

Customer: “No, that won’t be necessary. There’s no fire, so we can stay in the shop.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I know you cannot see a fire, but since we share this building with a candle store, there may very well be a fire in the building and it just has not spread to this shop. It’s a potentially dangerous situation, and we need to vacate the building for our safety until the fire company arrives and says it’s okay.”

Customer: *now getting annoyed* “I told you there’s no fire! Do you see a fire? No! That’s because there’s no fire! My son was annoyed that I was taking so long, so he pulled the fire alarm. He does that sometimes to let me know it’s time to go.”

(My store manager comes up to us as we are the only ones left in the store. She tries to shoo us out but the customer repeats her story to my manager.)

Manager: “Wait, wait, wait. Your son pulled the fire alarm because he was bored?”

Customer: “Yes, I saw him heading toward it and I said “[Kid], don’t you dare!” and he smiled and did it anyway and ran off. I don’t know where he is now.”

(My manager and I stand there in shocked silence as the firemen burst through the doors.)

Fireman #1: “Wow, for once it wasn’t the candle shop!”

Fireman #2: *noticing us* “What are you guys doing in here? You need to get out of the building!”

Customer: *now exasperated* “No, it’s okay. My son pulled the alarm. Now can we please finish ringing up my stuff so I can pay and leave before he does something else?”

Firefighter #2: “Ma’am, pulling a fire alarm for no reason is punishable by a fine.”

(The customer dropped all her stuff as if it was on fire and proceeded to sprint out of the store and head to the parking lot. Her son popped out of a display rack and went after her with Fireman #1 chasing them down. I’m not sure what happened to her after he caught her.)

Genderalising The Problem

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I work in a plumbing and heating store. I am one of three females on the staff. For clarity, the toilet roughs are the lines that run from the base of toilet to the wall.)

Customer: “I need a new toilet rough for [really popular toilet that we sell].”

Me: “Okay, do you know what size?”

Customer: “11 Inches.”

Me: “Do you mean 12 inches? Those toilet roughs only come in 10, 12, and 14 inches.”

Customer: “No, I mean 11 inches. I asked my plumber and he said that is what it uses.”

Me: “Well, the end of the valve will be in the wall, so it could appear to be only 11 inches. The entire thing, however, would be 12 inches. We have lots of those in stock.”

Customer: “No, it’s eleven inches! God, why do they hire girls to do these jobs?”

Me: “Did your plumber measure the area for the toilet?”

Customer: “No, he just knows what toilet it is, unlike you!”

Me: “Sir, what you want is not made. The rough you want comes in 10, 12, and 14 inches. It won’t be the 10 or 14 inch rough that you need, since you bought the 12 inch. You have the industry standard of 12 inches, like most people. Now, your price for that would be $68.25.”

Customer: “Can I get someone who knows what they are doing now? I don’t want to give you money. I cannot believe a place like this bothered to hire women.”

Me: “Sir, you can go to any plumbing house in this city and they will all tell you that what you want does not exist. I sell this toilet every week. It’s a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: “Give. ME. Someone. Who. Knows. What. They. Are. Talking. About!”

(I call the boss.)

Boss: “What is the problem here?”

Customer: “She doesn’t know her job! I bought this toilet from you and she won’t give me the right rough!”

Boss: “What size rough do you need?”

Customer: “11!”

Boss: “This brand does not make an eleven. It comes in 10, 12, or 14. The one you bought requires a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me that!”

Male Coworker: “She did. Many times. You refused to listen and were too busy being focused on her gender.”

Customer: “I did not! Give me the right valve!”

Boss: “No. Go somewhere else.”

Customer: “But I bought the toilet here!”

Boss: ‘Then what happened to the rough it came with?”

Customer: “I lost it.”

Boss: “Not my problem.”

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