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    Confused To The Nines

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Time

    Me: *answering phone* “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *clearly a young teenage guy* “Uh…yeah, I was just wondering what time you are open until today.”

    (Note, it is currently 9:30 am.)

    Me: “We are open until nine today.”

    Customer: “Nine in the morning or, like, nine?”

    Someone In The Background: “Dude! Did you seriously just ask that?”

    Me: *stifling laughter* “Nine at night, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    Me: “Was there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “No… no… that’s all.”

    Failed With Flying Colors

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (Our jewellery cabinet is sorted into a colour display with each shelf being solely dedicated to one colour. A customer beckons me over.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to look at the turquoise jewellery please.”

    Me: “Of course, which ones would you like to see?”

    Customer: *pointing at the turquoise shelf* “The turquoise ones.”

    Me: “Which ones in particular?”

    Customer: *pointing again* “The turquoise jewellery.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all of the jewellery on that shelf is turquoise. I’m finding it hard to see which one in particular you’re looking at. Would you be able to describe it for me?”

    Customer: “Oh, of course they are!”

    (She bends towards the shelf, squints at it, and jabs the glass with her finger.)

    Customer: “The turquoise one!”

    Me: “…”

    (Ten minutes later we figured it out.)

    Won The Gold Medal For Most Stupid Customer

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work on the shop floor of a DIY store. A customer comes up to me holding a torch and looking confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m not quite sure how this torch would work.”

    Me: “You just put AA batteries in it and push the button on the side here.”

    Customer: “But it says here on the label that this is a silver-coloured torch.”

    (She points at the label on the silver torch and it does indeed say ‘Torch – Colour: Silver.’)

    Me: “Yes, that’s right…”

    Customer: “But how can light be silver?”

    Me: “Oh, no, the light is white like a standard torch. The colour on the label refers to the colour of the metal.”

    Customer: “But… it says it’s silver…”

    (At this point I get a black torch off of the shelf to show her that the label says ‘Torch – Colour: Black’)

    Me: “See, the label on this one says black and this metal is black.”

    Customer: “But it says it’s a silver coloured torch!”

    (After 10 full minutes of explaining, the woman handed me back the silver torch and walked off muttering about false advertising.)

    Doubly Appreciative

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’ve finished serving a customer at my till. She hasn’t left yet, and is thoroughly reading her receipt.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Actually, yes, there is. You charged me double on one item.”

    (I look at her receipt, and she’s right; I did charge her twice for the same item. This is a rather bad mistake, so I’m expecting the worst.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. I’ll fix this right away.”

    Customer: “If I just grab another one of these items, we’d be good, right?”

    Me: “Well, yes, that would be one way to go about solving this problem, but this is my mistake. I am very sorry for what I did, and I can give you your money back, if that’s what you prefer.”

    Customer: “It’s okay; I could use another one of these, anyway.”

    (Ma’am, if you’re reading this, I would like to thank you again for your kindness. It really meant a lot to me. And I’ll do my best to avoid repeating that mistake!)

    Taking Care Of Business At Your Business

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work in big box retail. I walk out to the garden center to see dog poop on the floor. An old lady is fifty feet away with a dog.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, we only allow service animals in the store. Otherwise it’s a health code violation, and that is an example of why. Can I get you to clean up after your dog, please?”

    Customer: “What?! He didn’t do that!”

    (I manage not to say, ‘Did you do it, then?’)

    Me: “Ma’am, he’s the only dog in the store, and this is why we do not allow them. The cashier will be glad to give you a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Well, can I finish my shopping first?”

    Me: “No, I don’t want another customer to step in it. Please clean it up.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to walk all the way [to the register]; can you bring me the bag?”

    (We are literally ten feet away from the register.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Thank you for taking care of that.”

    Customer: “I still don’t think he did it.”

    (I walked away. Quickly.)

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