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    Paying Dearly

    | AR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working my second day as a cashier when an elderly customer walks up with a bundle of bananas and a drink.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Store]. Would you like me to match the price of these bananas, dear?”

    Customer #1: “No, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Okay. Not a problem. I apologize. Would like to donate anything to [Charity We Support]? ”

    Customer #1: *turns away and mutters something*

    Me: “Was that a yes or…”

    Customer #1: “READ MY LIPS. NO. N.O. CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH, YOU D*** BIMBO?!”

    Me: *all smiles* “I’m so sorry, sir. Not a problem.”

    Customer #1: “I am so f****** tired of your s***, you little b****! The people here are so godd*** stupid. Quite smiling. Your job f****** sucks.”

    (He walks off cursing under his breath.)

    Me: *turning to the next customer* “Hello, dear. How ar—”

    Customer #1: *rushing back* “And don’t call people dear, you little tramp! I’m old enough to be your d*** grandfather and she’s a woman, you f****** lesbian!”

    (At this point, I’m almost in tears because it’s my second day ever and I’ve had nothing but positive responses all day. My current customer speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t listen to that old b******, honey. You’re doing great and can call me whatever you like. Now, how much can I donate to that charity you were askin’ about?”

    Stupidity Can Accumulate

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I am working as a cashier. A customer comes up with a large order, which I ring up.)

    Me: “All right, sir, your total comes to $2000.”

    (The customer swipes his card and enters his account information and pin. It’s declined.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “No, it wasn’t! I have lots of money in this account! Try it again!”

    (I try it again. Again it’s declined.)

    Me: “Did you mean to hit chequing? If you meant to use your savings account, that could be why it’s declined.”

    Customer: “No, I only use my chequing account!”

    Me: “Well, do you have a daily limit? Some banks have that set up, so you can only spend a certain amount each day.”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a $500 daily limit.”

    Me: “This transaction is for $2000, sir. That’s a lot more than $500.”

    Customer: “But I haven’t used this card in three days!”

    Me: “It’s a DAILY limit. It resets every day.”

    (I didn’t feel like explaining that, even if it was cumulative, that still wouldn’t have equaled $2000.)

    A Strange Site To Behold

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you ship?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, off of our website.”

    Caller: “What is your website? I’ve been looking all over for it and I can’t find it.”

    Me: “May I ask how you got our number, ma’am?”

    Caller:  ”Off of your website.”

    Me: “But how could you get our number off of our website if you can’t find our website?”

    Caller:  *hangs up*

    (What a way to start the day…)

    Can’t Get Nicotine From A Teen

    | Grand Forks, ND, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Cashier: “Hello, sir. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Do you always talk to your customers like that? How rude!”

    Cashier: “Excuse me, sir. I’m sorry to have upset you. Was there something I can grab for you today?”

    Customer: “Shut up. Just shut up! I just want [Cigarette Brand] and that is all. Can you do that?!”

    (By this time, the cashier was turning his back away from the customer to search for the item. He hid his face from the rude man, and asked what the box looked like.)

    Customer: “How dare you turn your back to me, boy! Hey, are you listening to me?”

    Cashier: “Sorry, sir, I am looking for your cigarettes.”

    Customer: “Well, hurry up, then! Jeez, don’t you know what they look like?”

    Cashier: “Well, no, sir. I do not. I am afraid I do not smoke, so could you tell me a little more about the pro—”

    Customer: “It’s the smallest box there! Hurry up, I’ve not got all day!! Typical of [Store], always hiring foolish, stupid kids on a department they have no knowledge of. Look, it’s grey, if that helps you at all. God d***, kid, hurry the h*** up!”

    (I come over to assist our cashier. The customer is leering over the counter and the cashier is slightly going through a bit of a panicked frenzy.)

    Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”

    Customer: “Your dumb-a** associate doesn’t know what his smokes are and I am upset that you chose to hire him. Your foolish management and your stupid associates can’t do anything right! I am out of here!”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that, sir, but—”

    (Before I can say another word, the customer storms out of the store, not looking back once. I quickly open up the gate to greet the cashier to assure him the customer is gone.)

    Me: “Hey, hey now. No worries, the guy is gone. Are you okay?”

    Cashier: “I think so…”

    Me: “He was just angry because it’s a Monday. You’re all right.”

    Cashier: “I suppose so.”

    Me: “So, what happened?”

    (The cashier then told me everything that happened, and I felt bad so I treated him to a coffee. But that was not the only thing bothering him.)

    Me: “Well, what could possibly be wrong that you are a bit unaware of the kinds of cigarettes out here?”

    Cashier: “It’s not so much that I don’t know all of them. I know some, but I never smoke. But it doesn’t help describing the color to me…”

    Me: “Why is that?”

    Cashier: “I’m colorblind.”

    Has Beef With And In The Grill

    , | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

    Me: “Is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

    Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

    (I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “Free food!”


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