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    Addressing The Underlying Problem

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I have a customer who is trying to return an opened package of undergarments. Like the vast majority of retailers, for hygienic reasons, we have a final-sale policy on all underwear. I explain this to the customer.)

    Customer: “I didn’t know that it was going to be final sale!”

    Me: “That’s our return policy, ma’am. All underwear is final sale, no refunds, returns, or exchanges.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard or seen that policy anywhere!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have our policy written on this large sign right above my register, and it’s even printed on your receipt. You were given ample opportunity to read our policy.”

    Customer: “Well, WHY would I WANT to read it?!”

    (While I know that customers not reading signs is nothing new, this was my first time seeing someone show so much indignation over it. I found this to be incredibly annoying.)

    Me: “Because you’re a very intelligent lady who makes informed decisions!”

    (The customer took her underwear and quietly left my store.)

    Shot Himself In The Foot

    | NV, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a cashier in a sporting goods store. All of our more expensive products – anything from firearms and ammo to football gloves and high-end sunglasses – are kept behind a counter that is separate from the registers and located right next to the manager’s office. The managers are the only ones who have the keys to the knife drawers and gun cabinets, but any employee can handle small stuff like ammo and sunglasses. Customers are NOT allowed to get their own ammo – only a store associate can grab it for them and it MUST be brought up to the registers by that associate to prevent theft.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Ammo. I have a BB gun and I need the ammo for it.”

    Me: “Absolutely! If you go back over there—” *points to gun counter* “—I’ll call someone over and they can help you.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (He heads over to the counter and I intercom one of my managers to help him. As soon as I hang up the phone, a line starts up at my register, so I begin working through the line. A few minutes later, I see one of my coworkers slip behind me and set a package of BBs on my counter, with the customer following right behind them.)

    Me: “Find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I’m a bit upset at your manager. He barked at me while I was over there.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah, he snapped at me for going behind the counter.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got tired of waiting, so I went back there and grabbed them off the shelf.”

    (From the time I sent him over to the counter to the time he walked back to my register, a whopping two minutes had passed, hardly a long wait for a store our size. I was honestly stunned that my head manager hadn’t killed him, or at least tackled him to the ground, for pulling a stunt like that.)

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir.” *finishes transaction* “Have a nice day.”

    (Once he left, I turned to my coworker and frowned, pondering how he managed to rationalize the act of going behind the gun counter of a national sporting goods retailer and NOT think it was a bad idea.)

    Getting Too Old For This S***

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I arrive for my work shift and greet my coworker. After I clock in and the only customer in the store leaves, she decides to use the restroom. I’m working on the store computer when I suddenly hear her shriek.)

    Me: “What happened?! Are you all right?”

    Coworker: *comes out looking pale* “There was an old woman in here about an hour ago, who really needed to use the bathroom. So we let her.”

    Me: “Okay…?”

    Coworker: “She left a pile of paper towels full of s*** in the sink!”

    (Stunned, I follow her into the single-toilet bathroom and stare in horror at the mess, which is exactly as she described. We get the mess cleaned up and try to joke each other out of our disgust, when her phone rings.)

    Coworker: *looks at the text and chuckles* “It’s my daughter. She’s taken a job as a hostess at [Restaurant Chain], and she just messaged to say she had to clean up vomit. Now I can reply and say I had to clean up s***! They don’t pay us enough for this!”

    Pouring Oil On Troubled Waters

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m doing in-store demos of an iron that comes with a calcium filter, calcium in the water being that white stuff that comes out of your iron. A woman who purchased the iron last year comes up to me with a question.)

    Customer: “Hi there. Do you know why my iron is leaking brown liquid?”

    Me: “Did you empty your calcium filter?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Regularly.”

    (I’m just about to tell her to return it for a replacement when she adds…)

    Customer: “Do you think it has anything to do with the olive oil my husband accidentally poured into the water tank?”

    Me: “…”

    Surprising Language

    | CA, USA | Language & Words

    (I’m working the registers and serving a Chinese person. My perky coworker, who’s Latino, walks by.)

    Coworker: “Ní hǎo!”

    Customer: “¿Cómo está?!”

    Coworker: *completely taken by surprise* “That’s Spanish!”

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