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    Going To Go Over Like A Lead Balloon

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (I am at a sale in a store when I hear this exchange:)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s young son* “Aww, look, you’ve got a balloon!”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I stole it from a display.”

    Banking On The Go(ing)

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (While shopping I need to use the restroom, after going in I hear the following conversation:)

    Other Occupant: “Yeah, I’d like to know why my bank charged me this amount. Huh? Hold on sweetie. I can’t hear you.” *puts phone on speaker* “What was that?”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “I need your account number ,ma’am, before I can look up anything.”

    Other Occupant: “Oh, sure, it’s [number].”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “Okay, that charge was an excess transfer fee.”

    Other Occupant: “Hold on.”

    (The other occupant flushes the toilet.)

    Other Occupant: *walking past* “So what is an excess transfer fee?”

    Poor Customer Service Agent: “Um…”

    (The worst part? She didn’t wash her hands as she left.)

    Trying To Pull A Shady Deal

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work at company that sells stone to go on houses. All of the stone is outside, and our location is surrounded by trees.)

    Customer: “All of this is the same rock?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Everything in this row is the same material.”

    Customer: “Why is this side so much darker?! You said it was the same!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that side is in the shade.”

    The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

    Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

    Girl: “Okay, that works.”

    (My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

    Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

    Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

    (Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

    Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

    Woman: “You have to.”

    Manager: “I can’t.”

    Woman: “You HAVE to!”

    Manager: “I can’t!”

    (This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

    Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

    (The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

    Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

    Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

    (The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

    Girl: “Please…”

    (I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

    Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

    Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

    Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

    Girl: “…really?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

    Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

    Total Recall

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (Whenever a customer hands me actual cash, I always recount it and repeat the sum back to them to ensure they have given me the right amount, The customer is in a rush and not listening to me.)

    Me: “With your coupons, your total is $12.34.”

    (The customer hands me $21 and some change while looking at the display.)

    Me: “Out of $21.46?”

    (She ignores me so I enter the amount into the computer, take out her change and close the drawer.)

    Me: “Your change is $9.12. Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “What? I didn’t want change back! That’s why I gave you exact change! I should be getting $5 back!”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. I told you the total was $12.34 after your discounts and repeated how much you gave me back to you.”

    Customer: “But the display says $16.46! Give me the right change back; I’m trying to lighten my purse and I don’t want coins!”

    Me: “That was before the discounts. The display shows the amount due after discounts on this side of the display.” *I reach over the monitor to point*

    Customer: “Open the register back up and get me the correct change! NOW!”

    Me: “The register will only open for a cash transaction.”

    (The lady continues to yell at me, disregarding her own stupidity until another customer eventually pushes in front of her while giving her a dirty look.)

    Next Customer: “She told you the correct total and you didn’t bother paying attention.”

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