Wish They Would Just BOGOF

| Canton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in a retail store that almost always has some kind of sale for frames. This particular week we have a ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ deal.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *places frame on the counter* “I think this is 50% off.”

(Wanting to double-check just in case there is another deal besides the BOGO, I ask over the headset. A coworker responds saying the only deal we have is the BOGO one.)

Me: “This isn’t 50% off, but it is part of our ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ deal. If you buy two of the same frame, you’ll get one of those for free.”

Customer: “I don’t think that’s what the sign said. But I’ll just go ahead and pay for this one.”

(I finish the transaction, hand her the receipt and she walks back to the frame section. She comes back with the sign that was hanging up back there.)

Customer: “This sign says ‘Buy One, Get One Free.'”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “Why did you tell me it was ‘Buy One Get One 50% Off?'”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it was Buy One, Get One Free.”

Customer: *brought up another of the same frame* “Well, I want this one for free.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll have to treat your first frame purchase as a return, and then ring both of the frames up in a new transaction for you to get the deal.”

(As we were walking to the register, she was mumbling under her breath about how I told her the wrong deal and how ridiculous it was that she just can’t walk out with the second frame. I finished the return and the new transaction, told her to “Have a good day,” and she snatched the receipt and walked out without a word.)

A Functional Solution

| Grove, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I manage a lease-to-own business and am listening in on one of my newer employees taking a phone call.)

Employee: “Yes, sir. Let me find out for you. Please hold.”

(The employee turns to me.)

Employee: “This customer says that his number pad or something like that on the laptop he’s leasing from us isn’t working. He was a bit hard to understand. He wants to know if we can fix it. Well, he actually wants us to replace the whole keyboard and give him a loaner laptop until it’s fixed. What should I tell him?”

Me: “This is unfortunately a common request. But, we don’t generally give loaner items for computers due to personal information being put on them. But, often computer issues are a fairly easy fix. Just let him know that he can bring the laptop in, and I’ll see what we can do.”

(I go back to training another of my employees on dealing with accounts. A short time after that the customer comes in and my sales/service manager speaks with him. I eavesdrop on the following:)

Customer: “Here it is. My brother was using it and all of the sudden the mouse thing stopped working. I’d like you to just give me another one.”

Sales Manager: “Well, let’s see what we can do!”

(They start taking the laptop out of the bag and getting all of the cords out. I look at the employee I’ve been training…)

Me: “I’ve got to take part in this.” *I walk out to the front counter*

Customer: “Yeah, the pointer thing works on the login screen. But, it just disappears as soon as the main screen loads. I just don’t understand what happened.”

(The sales manager is attempting to untangle the mess of power cords the customer handed him. I reach across my sales manager and hit the F5 key and then turn to the customer.)

Me: “There. All fixed!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It wasn’t broken. Your touch pad was turned off. If you look at the F5 key, you’ll see the touchpad on/off icon. When it’s pushed, it’ll either enable or disable the touchpad.”

Customer: *squints at keyboard keys* “You’re right. I can see it now.”

Me: “Makes it much simpler! Now you won’t need us to replace anything. Heck, you won’t even need a new computer! You have a nice day!”

(I walk back into my office and sit at my desk as quietly as possible until the customer has left. The sales manager comes into the room along with my two other employees. They all look at me as I burst into laughter.)

Employee: “You fixed that faster than he could even explain what the problem was! He was even requesting we give him a new one!”

Me: “He’s probably the third customer to do that very thing in just the last few weeks!!”

(I now plan on offering a simple ‘Computer Basics’ class to all of our customers who get computers from us!)

Didn’t Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve clocked out for the day and I’m picking up a few groceries before I leave. Even though I’m wearing a coat and nothing that would identify me as an employee, and pushing a half-filled shopping cart, a customer still stops me as I pass the produce section.)

Customer: “Hey, I know you work here. You need to help me!”

Me: “No, I’m shopp—”

Customer: “—It’s your apples! Are these the kind grown on trees, or were they made some other way?”

Me: “Trees…”

Dying For A Discount

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(An elderly lady comes up to my register with a full cart and automatically starts complaining about how much stuff she has, like that is anyone else’s fault but her own.. She is one of those lovely customers who puts one item on the counter at a time for me to scan, and complains the whole long while. I know she’s going to have a problem with her total, so I just go ahead and apply the senior discount without her asking; policy is for the customer to ask. After she complains about the total and I let her know how much I saved her, she says:)

Customer: “Honey, could you do any better than that?”

Me: “No, that’s the best discount I can give you this week.”

Customer: “Are you sure? This is just an awfully high total.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the best I can do.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I just don’t like that total. And anyway, my doctor says I’m going to die soon, maybe tomorrow, and won’t be able to use all of this anyway, so is there anything else you can do?”

Me: “…We can put some of your items back?”

Tipped To Be Persistent

, | Moberly, MO, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I work as a janitor.)

Me: *sweeping floors before finding a lady looking lost* “Do you need help finding something?”

Lady: “Oh, sure-gel for…” *looks at me holding a broom* “Oh, don’t mind me, sweetie. I’ll find it.”

Me: “For canning? You sure? I can take you to it.”

Lady: “But you’re sweeping. I don’t want to interrupt.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s on the other side of the store. Let me show you.”

Lady: “All right…”

(Cue criss-crossing the store as I help her find several hard to locate items.)

Lady: “I think that’s it. You’ve been so helpful. Here…” *tries to hand me a $5 bill*

Me: *holds my hands up palm forward* “No can do, ma’am. Can’t accept tips.”

Lady: “Nonsense, you’ve helped me more than anyone who’s actually supposed to!”

(She tries to dive to my pockets to slide money in.)

Me: *slams hands on top of the pockets before she gets there, backpedalling* “Nope! You have a nice day!”

(Thirty minutes later I’m collecting trash from the bins. The lady is trying to sneak up on me, hand reaching for my pocket with money in it. I barely spot her in time, turning and stuffing my hands in my pocket.)

Me: “Still no can do. I appreciate the offer, though.”

Lady: “Oh, shut up.” *smiling, she grabs my collar, pulls my shirt open and stuffs the bill down the front of my shirt*

Lady: “Tell your bosses where they can shove that tip if they don’t like it!”

Me: *stunned silence*

(Upon telling my boss, he laughs and shrugs.)

Boss: “You can either donate it to CMN, or forget you told me about it. Wasn’t anything you could do about it.”

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