Maybe He Should Look Up Irony

| Portland, OR, USA | Books & Reading

(I work at an office supply store and one night an elderly gentleman comes up to the register and sets his items down, one item being a dictionary and thesaurus.)

Customer: *pointing to dictionary* “What’s a thesaurus?”

Me: “It shows you synonyms and related words. It’s a great tool for writers.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *pays and leaves*

(Used to answering stupid questions without flinching, I didn’t think much about it until after he left. Then we all had a good laugh over the fact that he asked what thesaurus meant while purchasing a dictionary…)

Fits The Bill Of An Idiot

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a video game store. A woman comes up, wanting to return a ‘Mario Galaxy’ for the Wii she had purchased.)

Customer: “I want to return this as it doesn’t work. What kind of scam are you running here?!”

Me: “Not a problem. I can return it for you if you have the receipt.”

Customer: “It wouldn’t start and it kept saying please insert an Xbox 360 game disk!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that but the game you purchased only works on a Wii and not an Xbox; if you would like you can exchange it for something else.”

Customer: “BUT IT FIT IN IT! IT SHOULD WORK! IT PLAYS GAMES AND THIS IS A GAME AND IT SHOULD JUST WORK! IT FIT INSIDE!”

Me: “But this is for an entirely different console. Your game is for the Wii and you have an Xbox 360 and they’re not compatible wi—”

Customer: “BUT IT FITS!”

Me: “Very well. Let me ask you a question, if your car ran out of petrol and you filled the tank with milk, would the car run?”

Customer: “NO! WHAT KIND OF STUPID, MORONIC QUESTION IS THAT?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct, but does it fit?”

Customer: *deer in the headlights look, and then walks out*

No ID, No Idea, Part 20

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

(I work in a retail store that sells and trades video games. If you want to trade your games in for cash, you must present a valid drivers license. It’s a state law. People are constantly stealing video games from bigger stores and will then trade them to us for cash.)

Me: “Do you want store credit or cash?”

Young Man: “Cash.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to see a valid driver’s license.”

(Hands me a Florida license with a Georgia address.)

Me: “Seriously?”

Young Man: “What? It’s valid! I got that off the Internet!”

Me: “Oh, I have no doubt about that.”

(I wouldn’t give him the cash and he was just dumbfounded that his idea didn’t work.)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 19
No ID, No Idea, Part 18
No ID, No Idea, Part 17

No ID-ea Who Is Serving You

| Lethbridge, AB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(I am 17, working in a large department store located on one end of a strip mall. I’m covering a coworker’s break in the electronics department when two men come in and proceed to round up about $1000 worth of goods, including having me take a number of gaming systems out of their locked cases.)

Me: “All right, gentlemen, your total comes to [large amount]. How will you be paying today?”

Customer #1: “Credit.”

(He proceeds to hand me a card. This is about the time that writing ‘check ID’ on the signature strip of credit cards became popular, so I instinctively look at the back of the card as I’m about to swipe it through. That’s when I notice something amiss.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to need to ask for some photo ID. It appears the signature strip of your card has been tampered with.”

Customer #1: “Whattya mean?!”

Me: “Well, someone has scratched out most of the strip, so there’s no signature on the card.”

Customer #2: “Oh yeah, that was… That was his kid. F***ing brat. Can’t you just run it through anyway?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Without a signature I’m required by law to check for ID.”

(Customer #1 proceeds to snatch the card out of my hand, grabs a pen off the counter, and sloppily writes in the name of the cardholder. At this point, I notice the card has an ethnic-sounding name on it, and the two men are very distinctly Caucasian.)

Me: *taking the basket of items off the counter and setting it behind the desk* “I’m sorry, sir, but since I have no way to prove that you are the cardholder, I can’t allow you to purchase anything here with that card.”

(The customers continue to mumble and protest, getting more and more antsy by the minute. They finally take the card and leave, calling me a ‘b****’ on the way out. I know I can’t legally keep the card, but I immediately call our Loss Prevention Officer, who follows them outside. The police are eventually called, and they confiscate the basket of goods for fingerprinting. I go on about my evening. Later that same evening:)

Coworker: “[My Name], there’s a call for you on line one. It’s your sister.”

(This is a little strange, as my sister works in the electronics store at the other end of the strip mall, and will usually just walk down to talk to me if she needs anything.)

Me: “Hello?”

Sister: “Hey, did you happen to get some a**holes trying to use a stolen credit card tonight?”

Me: “Oh, God, did he get you guys, too? Yeah, I even remember the name on the card.”

Sister: “Oh, yeah, we got them. Guess who their cashier was?”

Me: “…You?”

Sister: “Nope… [Name of the cardholder]. He works in the appliance section. They tried to use his own stolen card on him!”

(Apparently, the man whose card they stole and one of the store managers held the guys until the cops arrived. Crime doesn’t pay, kids.)

Outsmarted

| Austin, TX, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

(I work at a home improvement store, specifically in the appliances department. I get a call from a customer who has me look up an order of hers. Note: it’s currently December 2014.)

Customer: “I really want to get this dryer fixed, but I can’t remember when I bought it exactly.”

Me: *reading purged order* “Okay, ma’am… Looks like you bought it in September of last year, so the manufacturer’s warranty is expired.”

Customer: “Oh, shoot. Oh! Did I buy an extended warranty?”

Me: *scrolls through order again* “No, ma’am, you didn’t.”

Customer: “Oh… What if I go to another [Company I work for] store and don’t tell them anything and buy the extended warranty?”

Me: *pauses* “Well, you only have 90 days from date of purchase to buy the extended warranty, ma’am.”

Customer: *with serious disappointment* “Oh, so they’re all smart, then?”

Me: “…”

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