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  • Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle
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    Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A couple of weeks ago the bicycle that I had owned since I was eight years old was stolen, right outside my shop. I was at work at the time and the CCTV we have can’t pin the culprit as he was in a blind spot. The police have been as unsuccessful as well. As my only method of transport, I have to go by foot which takes 40 minutes. I’m behind the counter one day, when…)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I park my bicycle in here? Some guy got his stolen the other week so I don’t want to take any chances.”

    Me: “Sure, just park it up by the counter and I’ll—”

    (Before I can finish, the customer brings the cycle — MY CYCLE — in and rests it against the counter.)

    Me: “—k-keep an eye on it for you.”

    (The second the customer turns around the corner, I’m on the phone to my manager to ring the police. When he comes out of the office he notices the cycle and is just as baffled as me.)

    Manager: “What’s going on here?”

    Me: “A gentlemen just came in with this. He’s gone into the produce aisle but I’m certain that he’s the thief.”

    Manager: “Right. You stay here. I’ll speak to him.”

    (Without another word, my now-furious manager had rounded the corner and gone to have a word with the gentlemen in question. Not a second later I could hear swearing at the top of the gentlemen’s lungs as he came running down the same aisle and reached for my bike. My instinct kicked in and I held on to the back wheel as much as I could as he shouted for me to ‘f*****g let go’. He gave up sooner than anticipated as my manager charged at him, so he sprinted for the door. However, the police were waiting outside for him, and in a flurry of swearwords the crook was brought to the ground and arrested there and then. How did I know it was my bicycle? The dingus had forgotten to remove my water bottle which was attached to the frame and had my name on it! I guess crime doesn’t pay!)

    Don’t Lose Shut-Eye Over A Bad Eye

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I’m considered legally blind. I can see, but not well enough to drive, etc. I also have to look very closely when reading, especially small print. It’s something I was born with, so now at age 24 I joke around about it, even with customers, unless, like this guy, you’re a d***head. His credit card won’t read so I’m keying in the numbers manually, and he notices how closely I’m reading.)

    Customer: “I’m surprised they let you work the cash.”

    Me: “They’ve even made me a cashier supervisor, but why do you say that?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, because of your eyes.”

    Me: “What about them?”

    Customer: “Well you have to look so close.”

    Me: “And this is a problem?”

    Customer: “Well… umm…”

    Me: “Tell you what, if you ever see me driving a forklift in the store, then you can comment about my eyes. Until then, don’t lose any sleep over it.”

    Worth Its Weight In Golden

    | Exeter, England, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (A rather frazzled looking customer rushes in and comes straight over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like 12.5g of golden virginity please…”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, love, there are some things we just can’t give back.”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness, Virginia! I meant golden Virginia!”

    Their Logic Is Priceless

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a retail store that has deals where if you buy two of certain items, you get both at a discounted price. You cannot buy only one and get it at half the price.)

    Customer: *shows me [Brand] body wash & [Brand] deodorant* “These are the same price and are on for the same ‘buy 2 for $4′ deal. It’ll still go through, right?”

    Me: “We will find out once I scan them in.”

    (I scan each item in individually and no deal shows up. So I ring each item in twice before having to call price check and sure enough, the deal comes off separately PER ITEM.)

    Me: “Sir, it appears the deal is for each item individually. These two cannot be combined.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They’re the same price and on for the same deal. I should be able to mix and match them!”

    Me: “Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way, unless it’s a deal on the brand. And this time, it’s on the objects. You’d have to buy two deodorants or two body washes to get the deal.”

    Customer: “But that’s ridiculous! THEY’RE THE SAME PRICE ON FOR THE SAME DEAL! Can’t you do anything about that?”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot. The deal is on the items, and not the brand. If you’d like, I can ring you in for two of each and you can pick them up before you leave.”

    Customer: “But if you have a deal on for chips, you can buy one ketchup and one BBQ and still get the deal! Why can’t I do that here?”

    Me: “…because those are both chips. These are not the same item.”

    Customer: “I get that… but they’re the same price!”

    (This went on for a couple more minutes, him using the same logic. He didn’t end up buying the body wash or the deodorant. Moral of the story: you should be able to buy one yoghurt and one dish soap for a discounted price, providing they’re on for the same sale price.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    | Sydney, NSW Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am finalising a sale with a customer. We have store cards for customers, which give discounts and special offers.)

    Me: “Do you have a VIP card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like one?”

    Customer: “No, thanks.” *swipes credit card*

    Me: “Sorry, but your card has been declined. Do you have another way of paying?”

    Customer: “No. I’ll come back.” *stops for moment* “I think I will sign up for the store card.”

    (I pass the form to her, fill in her details on the computer, and hand her the store discount card. She hands it straight back to me.)

    Customer: “Use this to pay for my things.”

    Me: “What? No, this isn’t a bank card. It’s a discount card.”

    Customer: “I do not understand. You give me card. I pay for things with card.”

    Me: “This is a store card for customers to get discounts and rewards with.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “No, you can’t make payments with this card. Go to your bank about your credit card.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

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