July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Tastes Like Bad Parenting

| Florence, KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(A woman and her roughly 14-year-old daughter are standing in front of the family planning section.)

Mother: “Here, taste this one.”

Daughter: “Ew, it tastes like rubber bands!”

Me: *walking over to see what is going on* “Can I help you?”

Mother & Daughter: *simultaneously* “No, nothing is going on!”

Me: *perplexed as to what I’m seeing* “Why are all these packages of condoms open?!”

Mother: “We just wanted to taste them before we bought them!”

Me: “Uhm, no. You can’t just open them!”

Mother: “Well, geez! You don’t have to get mad about it! I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, my manager will tell you the same thing. Please stop tasting the condoms with your daughter. You should pay for all of these!”

Mother & Daughter: *giggles and runs out of the department leaving behind all the open condoms*

(For what it’s worth, we sold flavored condoms, but they didn’t taste any of those!)

Not On Top Of Modern Technology

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches me in my department.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I help you find?”

Customer: “You advertised a set of mixing bowls on sale for $19.99. Where are they?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not sure which ones you’re talking about. Did you see them in the most recent flyer?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I start looking through our flyer, searching for the bowls in question. After a few minutes, I’m still not seeing anything, and the customer is becoming agitated.)

Customer: “They were right at the top on the website!”

Me: “Oh! So they weren’t in a flyer? Let me pull up the site. Did you search for them with any particular keywords?”

Customer: “No! I told you, they were just at the top!”

Me: “Sir, the top of what?”

Customer: “The top of the Internet! I don’t see what is so hard about this!”

(The customer didn’t see anything wrong with telling me to check the first page of “the Internet” for an item he knew no details about. I found him the mixing bowls, no thanks to him.)

Gunning For A Return

| Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

Me: “No.”

More Than Morgan

| NS, Canada | Awesome Customers, Funny Names

(I have recently been hired and the manager has been having trouble getting a name tag for me. Since it is required to wear one, he gives me a choice between two old tags that happen to be in the office, and I choose to be ‘Morgan’ for the time being. I am helping a very sweet customer locate an item.)

Customer: “Thank you so much for all of your help.” *looks at my name tag* “Morgan. You’ve been great. And I’ll remember you because I have a niece named Morgan!”

Me: “I guess I shouldn’t tell you that my name’s not really Morgan then, should I?”

Customer: “It’s not? Oh, no! Well, don’t tell me what it is; you’ll just confuse me!”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, I won’t!”

Customer: “Thanks again for your help, “Morgan”” *makes “air quote” motion with her hands* “I’m sure I’ll be in again!”

(She came in a few more times before I got my proper name tag, and she always called me “Morgan” using her hands to do the air quotes. She never asked for my real name!)

Wasting Time To Calm Down

| Foley, AL, USA | Bad Behavior

Me: “Customer service, how may I direct your call?”

Customer: “I need to know when my delivery is coming.”

Me: “Okay, Do you know if it’s being delivered today?”

Customer: “Don’t give me that s***, b****! Just ask my d*** name! You’re only going to be delivering to one [Name]! I already talked to the manager because I had problems with your stupid customer service rep yesterday! So stop wasting my d*** time!”

Me: “Okay, sir. How do you spell your name?”

Customer: “It’s [Name].”

Me: “Well, sir. According to my records, you do have a delivery today. The guys will call you and give you a two-hour window.”

Customer: “And they don’t have the d*** schedule yet?”

Me: “Sir, it’s an hour before the store even opens. No, they don’t.”

Customer: “But they will call?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just tell me that instead of asking a bazillion questions? Stupid b****! All you want to do is waste my d*** time!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’d answered my first question instead of throwing a tantrum, this call would’ve ended much more quickly. Would you like to speak to my manager?”

Customer: *click*

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