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    How To Get Ahead Of The Sales

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays

    (It is the middle of the Black Friday rush. One of my coworkers approaches me looking particularly disheveled.)

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Coworker: “You know it’s Black Friday when you have to pick up discarded items from all over the floor… and while doing so, a customer tries to step on your head to avoid taking a few steps around you…”

    You’d Be A Fool Not To

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

    (A woman and her six-year-old son walk into my store. She asks my coworker for help, while her son makes his way over to a case containing common and semi-precious stones. They are the only two in the store, so I have fun showing him some of the stones. He has picked up an egg-shaped piece of pyrite – also known as fool’s gold.)

    Son: “Mom! Can I have it?!”

    Mom: “I don’t know, baby. How much is it?”

    Me: “It’s [price under $5], ma’am.”

    Son: “So can I, Mama? Pleeeaaassseee?”

    Mom: “Why do you want it so badly?”

    Son: *looks thoughtful for a moment* “Because it’s AMAZING, and I want to fill my room with AMAZING things.”

    Mom: *almost under her breath* “Well, I don’t see how I can argue with that.”

    Underwear Unaware

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (My place of work is fairly well known in my town and the surrounding area. My boss’s wife occasionally works in the shop.)

    Customer: “Oh, you know, I’m great friends with [Boss]. We go way back.”

    Boss’s Wife: “Oh, really? That’s funny, because I’ve been washing his underwear for ten years and I have absolutely no idea who you are!”

    Data Can Be Fluid

    | NJ, USA | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at an office supply store that also sells technology. I work in the supplies department, and get a call:)

    Me: “Office supplies, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering, do you have hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “…hard drive fluid? That’s… not a thing.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is! Do you have any?!”

    Me: “Let me transfer you to the technology department. They’ll be able to assist you.”

    (I transfer him to a coworker who comes to talk to me after.)

    Coworker: “Hard drive fluid?”

    Me: “Yeah, I have no idea.”

    Coworker: “You know that was your boyfriend, right?”

    Me: “No…”

    (That was not the first, or last, time my boyfriend called to prank the store, where he previously worked, although he never tried it on me again.)

    Just Crossed The Online Line

    | NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

    Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

    Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

    Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”

    Customer: “YOU WANT ME TO DO IT ONLINE?! YOU DON’T WANT TO HELP?! FINE!” *hangs-up*

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