Pulled Something Out Of The Bag

| AK, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

(I’m checking out and bagging for a customer with a reputation for being a little difficult and picky about the way her items are bagged. Normally I get this feeling of dread because she always comes to my lane, even when everyone else’s are open. But today her husband comes up.)

Customer: “Oh! [Husband], let me introduce you to this cashier!”

Me: “Uhm… hello.”

Husband: “Hi?”

Customer: “Listen to this, [Husband]. This is my FAVORITE cashier here. I mean, she’s always just so POLITE and PATIENT with me, ‘yes ma’am,’ ‘thank you, ma’am’… I always go to her lane; she’s much better than those other cashiers!” *to me* “Thank you, honey!”

Me: “No problem… That’ll be [total].”

(The customer and her husband leave, and honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever see her the same again!)

This Is Really Beginning To Grate

| Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m a cashier in a department store. While I do have some product knowledge, I’m not a salesperson and am not allowed to leave the service desk. A middle-aged man comes through the exit doors and starts snapping his fingers at me.)

Customer: “You! Girly!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I need you to ring through a fire grate!”

Me: “We have several different styles of fireplace grates, sir. One of the associates in the hardware department would be happy to help you pick the right one.”

Customer: “No, no, no! This isn’t difficult! Just ring me one—” *waves his debit card* “—and bring it to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m just the cashier, and I’m not allowed to leave the service desk. As I said, an associate in hardware can help you pick the right one.”

Customer: “No! I can’t leave my car! Why is this so hard for you to understand!? Just get me one!”

Me: “Your car, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, my car! They could tow it!”

Me: “Where did you park it?”

Customer: “Right across the street!”

Me: “Oh, it’s Sunday, sir. Street parking is unlimited. You could leave it all day and you wouldn’t even get a ticket.”

(The customer still refuses to leave the doorway, which is starting to cause a bit of a traffic jam for customers trying to leave.)

Me: “Let me just call a hardware associate for you, sir.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Yeah, you do that.”

(I page for a hardware associate and my manager takes the job.)

Manager: “What can I do for you, sir?”

Customer: *pointing at me* “This girl won’t help me with my grate!”

Manager: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but the cashiers aren’t allowed to leave the service desk. But if you’d like to come with me, the grates are just around the corner, here.”

Customer: *growls* “I’m. Not. Leaving. My. Car!”

Manager: “…All right, then.”

(She rolls her eyes as she runs around the corner and grabs the most basic grate.)

Manager: “Is this one to your satisfaction, sir?”

Customer: “Ugh, fine.” *tosses her his debit card* “Just ring it through!”

Manager: “Sir, this is a debit card. You’ll have to come to the desk to enter your PIN.”

Me: “It’s already cued up for you. It won’t even take 10 seconds, sir. I promise your car will be fine.”

Customer: *growls some more* “Why do you have to make this so difficult!?”

(He stomps over and aggressively stabs the pin pad. Once he enters his PIN he tosses the debit machine onto the desk, not paying any mind to the cringe-worthy crash of delicate technology.)

Customer: “There! Now, who’s taking this to my car?!”

(My manager was more than happy to take it out to his car, if only to get him out of the store!)

Stick It To The Calculation

, | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer calls into the store about a printing calculator he recently purchased. The calculator is AC adapter powered.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought a calculator and the numbers won’t clear off the screen.”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you reset it using the reset button on the bottom of the calculator.”

Customer: “Okay, I reset it but the numbers are still on the display. Should I unplug the power?”

Me: “Go ahead and unplug the power and try resetting it again.”

Customer: “The numbers are still on the screen, that’s not working.”

Me: “Sir, what numbers are listed on the screen?”

Customer: “One through nine.”

Me: “…Sir, is it a sticker?”

Customer: “…Oh.”

A Dally Over A Dollar

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

(I’m in line to check out at an everything-is-a-dollar store. An elderly lady is in front of me, trying to do a return of some fake flowers.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do refunds. We only do exchanges.”

Customer: “But I was told that I could return these if they were the wrong ones!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but we don’t even have an option on the register to do that. I could call a manager for you.”

Customer: “Yes, do that.”

(The manager comes over to talk to the woman as the cashier rings me up. The customer, despite that we’re the only customers in the store at the time, is being quite loud.)

Customer: “These are the wrong color! I don’t need them, and I don’t need $11 of anything else in here! I want my money back!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but since everything in here is only a dollar, we do not provide refunds, only exchanges.”

Customer: “But that’s not what I was told! I was told I could get a refund, not that I would have to get something else! That’s false advertising!”

(Meanwhile, the cashier has finished ringing me up and has handed me my receipt.)

Me: *in a low voice so the cashier is the only one who can hear me* “It says it on the receipt.”

Cashier: “What?”

Me: “Right here, on the bottom. You have 30 days for an exchange of a product. We do not offer refunds.”

Cashier: *also whispering* “You feel my pain.”

Me: “I used to work in retail. I swear, customers need to pass a reading comprehension test before they try to get around the policies written right on the receipt.”

(At this point, I didn’t notice that the customer had approached behind me while I was talking to the cashier.)

Me: “I swear. Some people think they can get away with anything. It’s $11. Just go buy some candles or batteries or something. You never know when the power will go out. But don’t complain about a return policy that is right there on the receipt in your hand. You have a lovely day, and hopefully that’s the craziest customer you’ll have this month.”

(I turn around to face the customer who’s glaring at me with a bright red face.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Not In Pole Position

| Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in the ‘sporting goods’ department when a customer approaches me with a fishing pole. He proceeds to hand me the pole and says:)

Customer: “This pole is broken!”

(I look at it and can find no defects, so I ask the customer what is wrong with it.)

Customer: “The eyes on the top part of the pole do not line up with the bottom half.”

(I took the pole and straightened out the top so that all of the eyes were in line and handed it back to him. Needless to say, he was extremely embarrassed…)

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