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    You Bite It, You Buy It

    , | Clitheroe, England, UK |

    (I work in a charity shop selling used items. A customer walks up to me with a pair of gloves.)

    Customer: “Are these gloves waterproof?”

    Me: “They look it, sir.”

    Customer: “I’ll just test them out.”

    (The customer then proceeds to bite the gloves, covering them with his spit in the process, while everyone close to him looks on in horror.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take these.”

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with nothing but a coupon.)

    Customer: “Can I use this? It says $15.”

    Me: “Yes, that will get you $15 off anything in the store.”

    Customer: “Okay. I want to use it.”

    Me: “No problem. Just go ahead and shop around for whatever you’d like, and then I’ll apply the coupon when you check out.”

    Customer: “It says fifteen dollars. I can get fifteen dollars?”

    Me: “This is a coupon, so the fifteen dollars will be deducted from the price of whatever you purchase.”

    Customer: “Fifteen dollars?”

    Me: “Yes sir, all you have to do is go pick out what you’d like.”

    Customer: “I want fifteen dollars.”

    Me: “I understand, but to get the fifteen dollars off, you must purchase something here.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Do you have an idea of what you were looking for? I can direct you to the right section.”

    Customer: “Fifteen… dollars?”

    Me: “Yes. Fifteen dollars.”

    (The customer turns around and slowly wanders out of the store.)

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

    Coupons Are Not The Only Things That Are Expired

    | Toledo, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Can I still use these coupons?”

    Me: “You can, if they’re not expired.”

    Customer: “So, can I use them?”

    Me: “Are they expired?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then no.”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6

    , | Romania |

    (A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)

    Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”

    Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”

    (I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)

    Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The menu.”

    Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

    Not Quite At The Top Of Their Game

    | Culver City, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I would like to buy [game].”

    (I note that the game is offered on multiple platforms.)

    Me: “Okay. Would you like it for the computer?”

    Customer: “No…I’d like it for my kids.”

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