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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

    | North Carolina, USA | Money

    (I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

    Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

    Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

    Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

    Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

    Why Math Counts

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

    Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

    Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

    Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

    Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

    Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

    A Private Broadcast

    | Monterey, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Customer: *says several numbers*

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *says several numbers* “That’s my zip code. Isn’t that what you asked?”

    Me: “No, I just asked how you were. Did you have any coupons?”

    Customer: “Oh. I’m fine.” *says even more numbers*

    Me: “Was that your social security number? I didn’t need your social. I just wondered if you had any coupons.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    Me: “I also need to scan your ID for the wine.”

    Customer: “No way. I’m not giving you a chance to steal my identity!”

    So Gullible It’s Hard To Believe

    | Auburn Hills, MI, USA |

    (A customer has used the store’s emergency exit, setting off the alarms. A husband and wife walk up to my cheese display while the alarms sound.)

    Wife:  ”What’s that sound!?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s just the employee alarm.”

    Wife: “Employee alarm?”

    Me: “Yes, it tells the managers that one of the employees tried to escape the building, so they can retrieve them.”

    Husband: *chuckles*

    Wife: *serious, eyes wide* “Oh, that’s awful!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, by now they have already sedated them and locked them back in the closet with the rest of the off-duty employees.”

    Wife: “They lock up the employees?!”

    Me: “Only when they are not being used. It stops them from being late to work, you see.”

    Wife:  ”Some one needs to do something to help these poor–”

    Husband:  ”Dear, he is joking. That was a door alarm.”

    Wife: “Oh…are you sure?”

    Husband: “Yes.”

    Wife: *looks relieved and walks away*

    Husband: *laughs* “Thank you for that!”

    Me:  ”I’m glad you enjoyed it. Try some cheese?”

    The Bear-est Signs Of Intelligence

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    (The customer is buying one piece of jewelry. I’m all about the environment so I try to avoid giving out bags for small purchases.)

    Me: “Would you like a bag, or do you want to put it in your purse?”

    Customer: “My purse is fine.”

    Me: “Yay! You just saved a polar bear!”

    Customer: *eyes go wide* “Plastic bags… are made out of… polar bears?!”

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