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    Church At The Checkout

    | Christchurch, NZ |

    (A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

    Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

    (Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

    Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes on forehead*

    Mother: “We’re not even religious…”

    Too Many Chutes, Not Enough Ladders

    | Fayetteville, NC, USA | Top

    (The electricity went out for about 30 seconds in our department store. Shortly after the blackout, the following conversation took place.)

    Customer #1: “It was weird how the power went out like that.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, but at least we weren’t in the elevator. Can you imagine?”

    Customer #1: “Oh yeah, that would have been pretty bad. But not as bad as it would have been on the escalator.”

    Customer #2: “The escalator?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, just think of how scary that would be! The escalator loses power and then woosh!” *makes a hand gesture to represent stairs going flat, becoming a slide*

    Customer #2: “Oh yes, that would be awful!”

    Customer #1: “I hope all the people who were on the escalator are okay.”

    Customer #2: *shakes her head sadly* “Woosh…”

    There’s No Such Thing As Half A Dozen Stupid Questions

    | Walnut Creek, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where can I find the manager?”

    Me: “She’s in the cigar booth over there, with the hanging sign that says “Cigars”.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. What’s his name?”

    Me: “Her name is Kat.”

    Customer: “Ken?”

    Me: “No, Kat.”

    Customer: “Jack?”

    Me: “No, Kat. Like the animal.”

    Customer: “A woman?!”

    Me: “Haha, yeah.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Where is she?”

    Me: “The cigar booth.”

    Customer: “The registers?”

    Me: “No, the cigar booth.”

    Customer: “The tasting area?”

    Me: “Let me show you…”

    The Quandaries of Laundry

    | Illinois, USA |

    (I am straightening a rack of clothes when I overhear two customers.)

    Customer #1: *examines the tag on a shirt* “It says ‘Hand Wash Only’. If I buy this, could I borrow your hand washer?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t think I own a hand washer.”

    Customer #1: “Darn!” *puts the shirt back and walks away*

    Bridging The Gulf Of Stupidity

    | Ft. Wayne, IN, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [golf store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Could you tell me the difference between American golf and Mexican golf?”

    Me: “Mexican golf? I’m pretty sure golf is played the same around the world.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ve heard them mention the ‘Golf of Mexico’ a few times on TV so I was wondering if it was any different.”


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