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    Liza’s Pigment-less Revenge

    | Connecticut, USA | Bizarre

    (An elderly customer in her 90′s approaches the till with a cartload of items.)

    Customer: “So, have you heard about the albino?”

    (She says this several times. As this was around the time Bin Laden was killed, I presume this is who she is referring to when she says “the albino”.)

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Oh, it turns out he’s not dead. They shot him in the head and dumped him over the side, but he’s still alive, they say! He’s going to destroy the U.S. with his weather controlling lasers!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Oh, we’ve never had such bad weather as this. It must be those lasers of his. He wants to destroy us, you know.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *writing out a check* “My mother was Judy Garland, you know!”

    (At this point, the customer starts singing “Over The Rainbow”.)

    Customer: “I’m best friends with president Obama. Oh, my father was furious when I voted democrat. ‘You’re a republican!’ he yelled at me!” *leaves the store*

    Honestly (Not) Abe

    | Lebanon, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier at a popular retail store in a town that is near Amish and Mennonite communities. It is not unusual to see them around town.)

    Boy: “Look mommy! It’s Abraham Lincoln!”

    (Confused, his mother and I look where he is pointing and see an Amish gentleman standing off to the side looking a bit out of place. At this point, both his mother and I are having a hard time keeping a straight face.)

    Me: “No sweetie. That’s not Abraham Lincoln. He’s Amish.”

    (The little boy gasps and his eyes widen in disbelief. He leans forward and whispers to me.)

    Boy: “You mean, he’s allowed in here?”

    Me: “Of course he is! This store welcomes everyone’s money!”

    (The little boy stares at the man, shocked, as I finish ringing up his mothers purchases.)

    Boy: *as they’re leaving* “Bye, Mr. Lincoln!”

    Any Sliver Of Hope

    | Santee, CA, USA |

    (I am standing at the door greeting customers. An elderly gentleman is waiting to get in as I answer a question for the customer ahead. I have already checked his membership card.)

    Me: “You can go on in, hon. I’ve already seen your card.”

    (The man continues to stand there while I speak with another customer.)

    Me: “Did you need anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you called me hon, so I thought I might stick around a while…”

    Til Death Do Us Car

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA |

    (I’m working at the customer service desk when an older woman, who
    looks very annoyed, walks up.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Is there a phone I can use back here to call someone?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure.”

    (I slide her the phone to dial out.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I can’t find my husband. I don’t know where in the h*** he is!”

    (While she is on the phone, she is looking more and more annoyed. She then sighs very loudly, and slams the phone down.)

    Me: “Did you find him?”

    Customer: “I left him in the car…”

    All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

    | United Kingdom | Money

    (I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

    Customer: “How much it this?”

    Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

    Customer: “How much is this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

    Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

    Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

    Customer: “What about this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

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