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    Like My Antiques, I Need Love Too

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Rude & Risque

    (We rent out individual spaces to people. A new dealer has just moved in and is about to leave the store. Note that she is about 70 years old and I am 30.)

    Dealer: “Okay, I guess you have to inspect my bags before I leave.”

    Me: “Yeah, we do.”

    (It looks like a bunch of moving supplies and paper.)

    Dealer: “Are you going to frisk me?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Dealer: “Well, it says you check everything at the door. I figured you’d check me too.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we check your bags and boxes, but not you. I’m not going to frisk you, as that is inappropriate.”

    Dealer: “Well, it’s been a while for me, dear. You can feel what you want.”

    Me: “I’d like to keep my job without a sexual harassment complaint on the record. We’ll just see you next time.”

    Dealer: “Oh, come on! It’s been so long!”

    (Her 80 year-old husband is standing there laughing the entire time.)

    More Than You Bargained For

    | Pearsall, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A customer purchases some items at the checkout. While walking out, he sees a sign that one of his items is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, this sign says this glue is for $4.99, but the shelf says $5.99.”

    Me: *looks at receipt* “Well sir, I charged you $4.99.”

    Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

    Me: “But I charged you $4.99.”

    Customer: “But the shelf said $5.99.”

    Me: “Okay, give me another dollar.”

    (The customer thinks for a second, then walks out of the store without saying another word.)

    By Virtue Of The Authority Vested In Me, Enjoy 20% Off

    | Annapolis, MD, USA |

    (The customer is a very pregnant woman in the process of being rung up and has just seen the subtotal on her purchase. She then awkwardly drops to one knee in front of the register.)

    Customer: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I really need you to marry me right now. That would get me a discount, right?”

    (Four or five awkward seconds pass as I stand there, speechless and not sure what to say in response.)

    Customer: “Hurry up. My knee is starting to hurt!”

    Don’t Take Customers At Face Value, Part 2

    | King of Prussia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you know who you look like? You bear a striking resemblance to her!”

    Me: “No, who?”

    Customer: “Casey Anthony!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *slowly backs away*

    Related:
    Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in with a laptop that he bought and a laptop sleeve that he got for free with the laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, this sleeve doesn’t fit the laptop.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s no problem, sir. I don’t have any larger sleeves, but you can take a look at the laptop bags.”

    Customer: “No, I just want my money back.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you didn’t pay anything for the sleeve. It came for free with the laptop as part of a promotion. I can return it for you, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can go ask the manager, if you like.”

    Customer: “Do that.”

    (I go in the back and talk to the manager, who tells me exactly what I just told the customer. Then, I head back out to the front.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the manager told me the same thing. I can return it, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Who do you people think you are? I want my money back!”

    Me: “But, sir, you didn’t pay anything for it.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! Go get your manager! I’ll get your a** fired!”


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