What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stranger

| County Tyrone, Ireland | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am helping a customer choose clothes for her son while he tries them on in the changing room. She is on the older side of middle-aged and has a terrible cough.)

Customer: *begins coughing and spluttering again*

Me: “Ma’am, we have some seats over here if you’d like to sit down. Can I get you a drink of water?”

Customer: “No, no. I am a fighter.”

Me: “Um, are you sure you wouldn’t at least like to sit down?”

Customer: “No! I have been in three business meetings today! I am a fighter!”

(Please note that this is 2pm on a Sunday afternoon.)

Me: “Okay, but if you need anything, just ask.”

Customer: “Listen, you only live once. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! *grabs my hands* “I AM A FIGHTER! I WILL NOT DIE! I AM DESIGNING MY OWN CLOTHES AND WILL PUT [my store] OUT OF BUSINESS!”

The Gay Jean Debate

| Michigan, USA | Top

Customer: “Why do these jeans say ‘straight leg’ on the tag?”

Me: “Oh, we carry three different types of jeans. So, we mark each pair to—”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s not right. Tell me the real reason!”

Me: “Because they’re straight legged jeans.”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Well…ma’am, why do you think they’re marked like that?”

Customer: “Well, how should I know? That’s why I asked you, but you won’t tell me!”

Me: “They say that because the jean legs are straight all the way down, see?”

Customer: *angry* “The jeans aren’t gay friendly?!”

Me: “Uh…no, they are. They’re totally gay friendly.”

Customer: *brightens* “Oh, okay!”

(And she bought them!)

May Top Story Roundup: Skyrim, Smoothies, Soap, Shadows, And Slips!

, , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

May Top Story Roundup: From running thieves to running children, May’s top stories were filled with customers with nothing mentally running upstairs!

  1. Dovahkiin’s Day Off:
    A video game thief gets taken down, Dragonborn-style, by an unexpected hero.
  2. The Golden Rude:
    A delicious tale of a rude coffee customer getting what he deserves!
  3. Self Disservice:
    “Employees Must Wash Hands” and “Entitled Customers” don’t mix!
  4. Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt:
    A sandwich shop customer gets stupid over a shadow.
  5. Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid:
    An irresponsible parent slips up big time with her bratty offspring!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Size Matters, Part 10

| Dublin, Ireland | Rude & Risque, Top

(I work at a small counter in my store that sells the company’s own brand condoms. A female customer comes to the condom counter with a complaint. I’m busy with a customer, so my coworker steps in.)

Customer: “I want to return these!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My husband says they’re too small and they won’t fit him!”

(My coworker is a very unabashed flamboyant man. He proceeds to take a condom out of the packet, open it, unroll it and pull it over his hand and right up to his elbow, all while the customer watches in stony silence.)

Coworker: “If that doesn’t fit your husband, can I have his number?”

Customer: *leaves silently, taking the box with her*

Related:
Size Matters, Part 9
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(Our store credit card has recently changed banks it affiliates with, so everyone with our store credit card was given notice on every bill for a few months before they received their new cards.)

Customer: “Yeah, I got a new credit card in the mail.” *tosses his card on the counter*

Me: “Yes, we changed banks. If you had a balance on your previous card, it will just have transferred over to this one.”

Customer: “But it has a company name on it and we don’t own this company anymore.”

Me: “Oh, so you want to change the information that’s on the card?”

Customer: “I don’t know, you tell me.”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you what to do with your card–”

Customer: “But we don’t own this business anymore!”

Me: “So, do you want to call the credit card company and get them to change it to a personal account?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Why aren’t you telling me what to do?!”

Me: “I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

Coworker: *stepping in after overhearing* “You have to go home and think about what you want. Then when you make up your mind, call the 1-800 number on the back of the card and tell them what you want to do with your card.”

Customer: “Okay!” *leaves happy*

Related:
Asile Always Need Directions

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