The Cannabis Chronicles

| Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

(I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

(The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

Let’s Address How You’re Even Dressing Yourself

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

(A customer in her mid-30s approaches me. Note that we use the same standard sizing that is commonly found in other clothing stores.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What size am I?”

Me: “Well, what size clothes are you wearing right now?”

Customer: “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

Me: “Well, why don’t we get you a size that looks right and you try those on?”

Customer: “And then what?”

Me: “If they’re too big, then you try on the size that’s smaller until you find the right one.”

Customer: “Great idea. Thank you!”

Fractional Intelligence

| Texas, USA | Math & Science

Customer: “I need to know the height of this refrigerator.”

Me: “Sure, it’s 69 3/4 in.”

Customer: “Is 3/4 more or less than a half?”

Me: “It’s slightly more.”

Customer: “No, that can’t be right!”

Language That Belongs In The Toilet

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Toilet paper?”

Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

(The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

Weekend Roundup: When Customers Attack!

, , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups, Wild & Unruly

When Customers Attack! This week, we share stories of unruly customers who prefer (violent) action over words!

  1. Bull In A China Shop:
    Sticks & stones may break my bones, but naked, guitar-throwing customers can really hurt me!
  2. Acute Mental Failure:
    HULK CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOSPITAL DOOR! HULK SMASH!
  3. (Full) Front(al) Desk:
    Can’t check into your hotel room, lady? Just mentally check out by ripping off your clothes and running in circles!
  4. Fudge In Flight:
    A customer airs their fudge frustrations by sending their ice cream sundae airborne.
  5. Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope:
    Here’s to throwing your belongings in the air like you just don’t care!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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