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    The Price Is (Not) Right

    | Singapore | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to get this TV for $2,599.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our price is fixed at $2,999.”

    Customer: “That’s nonsense! I went to [competitor] and they’re selling the same thing for $2,599!”

    Me: “Is that so? I highly doubt that because this is the current market price for this newly released model. Everyone is selling it at $2,999.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m a liar? I even took a picture of their price tag, but I can’t show you because I left my camera in my car.”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry if you think that way, but even if it is indeed at that price, we don’t do price matching at our store.

    Customer: “Why the h*** won’t you do that? I can just go there and pay them good money, you know.”

    Me: “If I may ask, sir, why you don’t do so?”

    Customer: “Er, because I told them that I saw the same TV elsewhere at $2,299.”

    Every Trick In The Book

    | Houston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working the register when an older lady approaches and asks for a price check on some fabric.)

    Me: “That one is $9.99 per yard.”

    Customer: “Minus the 30% off.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s regular price.”

    Customer: “The sign said 30% off.”

    (She takes me to the place where the fabric came from. The sign does indeed say 30% off, but has the name of the fabric that’s stored on the opposite side of the display. I flip the sign around the right way.)

    Me: “Sorry, someone must have accidentally spun it around. See? It says this is regular price. The names are on the signs, so you can see which ones are on sale.”

    Customer: “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

    (She goes back to browsing and I go back to the register. After I ring up a few more customers, she’s back with another bolt to be checked.)

    Me: “This one is $12.99 per yard.”

    Customer: “But the sign says it’s only $3.95!”

    Me: “Okay, let’s go look again.”

    (Again, the sign over the fabric’s location says what she quoted to me. However, it’s been ripped in half so that the name of the fabric is now gone and it’s barely staying in its frame. I turn and look at the customer and she throws her hands up before I can even open my mouth.)

    Customer: “I didn’t think you’d fall for it, but I had to try! Fabric’s so expensive these days!”

    Zombies Need Friends Too

    | Natick, MA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m ringing up a mother and her daughter, about 8 years old, at the register. My computer is messing up, so sometimes when I scan an item, it comes up as a different item with the wrong price.)

    Me: “I’m sorry about this. My computer seems to be acting up.”

    Girl: “Maybe it’s broken!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s probably true.”

    Girl: *excitedly* “Or…maybe zombies got it!”

    Me: *plays along* “Oh yeah, that’s a good possibility too!”

    Girl: “Yeah, zombies are people that used to be dead, and then they came back to life!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds pretty creepy!”

    (The girl chatters on about zombies and other stuff while I finish cashing her mother out for their purchases.)

    Me: *hands them their bags* “Alright, you have a good day, and look out for zombies!”

    Girl: “Oh, don’t worry! That only happens in nightmares. Just make sure you dream about good zombies!”

    Me: “Got it, I’ll make sure I do!”

    Related:
    Zombies Need Life Insurance Too
    Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
    Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
    Zombies Need Tech Support Too
    Zombies Need Healthcare Too
    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    No Bar And No Bite

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (A customer is trying to return an opened CD. This is against store policy, which is clearly stated on a poster in the store and is printed on every receipt. While discussing this with the customer, I notice a name tag from a local pet store on his shirt.)

    Customer: “You have to give me a refund! I’m a lawyer and I know my rights!”

    Me: *giggles*

    Customer: “What’s so funny? I will sue you and I will sue this whole company! Give me my refund!”

    Me: “You’re a lawyer?”

    Customer: “Of course! Are you calling me a liar? I’ll sue you!”

    Me: “So, do you work at [pet store] between cases or is that just a fashion statement?” *points to the name tag*

    Customer: “Uh…well…you see…”

    Me: “Isn’t it illegal to impersonate a lawyer?”

    Customer: “Never mind!”

    (The ‘lawyer’ grabs the CD and walks out of the store with his head hanging.)

    DIY: Dental It Yourself

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”


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