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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Must Be Really Hungry

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager it will go off as soon as the table is set.”

    Customer: “Ok, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

    Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

    Customer: “Alright, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

    Me: *pause* “Please…just…don’t.”

    Too Lazy To Lather

    | Toronto, Canada | Bizarre

    Customer: “I need help finding a soap with vanilla in it.”

    (I help her and show her a few products. She picks up a bar of soap.)

    Customer: “How do you use this one?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s just like a normal bar of soap.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You know, like a normal soap bar? Um, like Dove or Irish Spring?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “You take it into the shower with you, wet it, rub it all over, and rinse it off.”

    Customer: “Oh. That sounds like too much work.” *puts soap down and walks away*

    Size Matters

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

    Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

    Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

    Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

    Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

    Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

    (The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good 5 minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

    Not So Sweet Sixteen

    | Melbourne, Australia | Family & Kids

    Customer: “Hi! I’m looking to buy an MP3 player for my daughter.”

    Me: “Sure, what capacity were you looking at?”

    Customer: “Hold on.”

    (She takes out a sheet of paper with size specifications and a rather juvenile depiction of the device and hands it to me.)

    Me: *laughs* “Aww, that’s cute! How old is your daughter?”

    Customer: “Sixteen.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t worry! She’s a little kooky.”

    Give Customers A Piece Of Your Mind

    | Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (An irate customer is frustrated with my store’s return policy, and asks me to call my manager.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she isn’t answering her cell phone or house number, but she’ll be in tomorrow if you want to try again then.”

    Customer: “No! You get her on the phone now!”

    Me: “I just called both of the numbers she provided, and she didn’t answer. That sort of leaves me with telepathy.”

    Customer: “Well, could you try that?”


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