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    Faster And Furiouser

    | Thomson, GA, USA | At The Checkout

    (My register has gone down and I am in the process of getting someone to come and fix it. In the meantime, a man marches up to me with three things in his arms.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. My register is down.”

    Customer: “What is this crap? You’re the only speedy checkout open! I want to get out of here in a hurry!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m waiting for someone to fix my register.”

    Customer: “Why don’t YOU fix your register!?”

    (I stay silent as he continues to rant.)

    Customer: “I need to get the h*** out of this place!”

    Me: “Sir, why don’t you go to the register next to me? She is open.”

    (The customer looks over at the register, which isn’t a speedy checkout, and snaps at me again.)

    Customer: “Why would I go there?! It isn’t even a speedy checkout!”

    (I look over again. There is no one in line.)

    Me: “Sir, she doesn’t have anyone in line–”

    Customer: “Forget it! You can put that s*** back!”

    (He throws the stuff onto my register and storms out.)

    Weight Control Not Included

    | Brandon, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes up to the register with a bag of items to return.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today? Do have a return?”

    Customer: “No, not a return. I want to exchange these items.”

    Me: “What was wrong with the items?”

    Customer: “I bought these at a different location eight months ago and they don’t fit anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t exchange these as the items have been worn and you have had them for quite a while. What is wrong that’s made you want to exchange them now?”

    Customer: “Either they shrunk or I got bigger, so they don’t fit anymore. I want to exchange them for a different size now.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry miss, but I can’t do an exchange for you. I will be more than happy to give a fitting and tell you what your new size is.”

    Customer: “Ugh! You are useless!” *storms off*

    So Good It’s Not Even There

    | Netherlands | Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to know whether you have any topless bikinis?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, strapless bikinis, you mean?”

    Customer: “Yes, topless bikinis! Do you have any?”

    Waste Not, Want Not

    | Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

    (The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

    Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.”

    Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

    (He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

    Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”

    More Than Just A Brand

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (A tourist approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the coochie?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Coochie. The store.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean Gucci? It’s just a couple blocks–”

    Customer: “No, no!”

    (She points at Coach bag.)

    Customer: “Coochie!”

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