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    Always After The Next Best Thing

    | Southampton, UK | Love/Romance

    Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

    Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

    Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

    Me: *speechless*

    A Call To Arms

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (Since we are a large store, we communicate with each other on radios. I am helping a customer when my manager starts speaking into the radio.)

    Manager: “I need an additional cashier to the registers.”

    Customer: *pauses in mid-sentence* “Wait…is she talking to me?”

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Woman: “Can you tell me the price of these pants? I found them on the 25% off rack.”

    Me: “Sure thing. They’re $22.50.”

    Woman: “But that’s not 25% off.”

    Me: “They probably got put on the wrong rack, but they were actually $45.00, so you’re actually getting 50% off.”

    Woman: “But the sign said 25% off.”

    Me: “I understand, but like I said, they were on the wrong rack and are actually more than 25% off.”

    Woman: “I want them for the price that the sign advertised! Can I just talk to a manager? You sales people are so stupid sometimes. It’s not a hard concept.”

    Me: “Oh believe me, I know it’s not a hard concept. Let me call a manager for you.”

    (I call a manager and she comes over. I explain to her what is going on.)

    Manager: “If you get these pants as the price they are ringing up at, they are $22.50. If you get them at 25% off, they are $33.75.”

    Woman: “That’s what I want! Why is math such a hard concept for the workers here to grasp? Just change the price and give them to me for $33.75 or whatever.”

    (I changed the price so they were more expensive. The customer walks away, still mumbling something about how we suck at math.)

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For

    The Genie Ate The Punchline

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Rude & Risque

    (I am ringing up a customer and he is ready to pay by credit card. I hold my hand out to swipe his card for him, but he refuses.)

    Customer: “Oh, no, let me swipe it!”

    Me: “Okay, right down there when you’re ready.”

    Customer: “It’s a bit hard to handle.”

    (I say nothing and finish the transaction.)

    Customer: “You just have to know how to stroke it the right way, you know?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure!”

    Customer: “It’s funny, because it sounds sexual.”

    Going From Positive To Negative

    , | Singapore | Top

    (This happens after I help an old lady with a home theater system for over an hour and a half, explaining every little detail and giving her a demo.)

    Customer: “Thank you very much, young lady. I’m sorry for taking too much of your time.”

    Me: “You’re welcome. No worries. It’s my pleasure to help you.”

    Customer: “I know some of my questions are stupid, but you are very patient.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all. Some of these things can be very confusing, even for myself, and I work here!”

    Customer: “I should give a compliment letter about you.”

    Me: “Wow, thanks very much. You can do that at the cashier. Oh, by the way–the remote control doesn’t have any batteries. Should we go get them now? It will save you a trip.”

    Customer: “That’s a great idea!”

    (We proceed to go to the battery section of the store.)

    Me: “So, here we are, you need two AAs.”

    Customer: “Do you have the [brand] ones?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry. I think we just ran out. We have other brands though. Would you like to try?”

    Customer: “You and your f***ing store! I’ve never received such terrible service! This is the reason why people don’t go back here! I will have you fired! You will never work again!”

    Me: *speechless*

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