A Lose-Snooze Situation

, | Vancouver, Canada | Technology

Customer: *rushes into the store* “I need a battery.”

Me: “Sure, what type of battery do you need?”

Customer: “It’s for my home alarm system. It’s not working because the battery is dead.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what size or type of battery it uses?”

(I show him the various sizes: AA, AAA, C, 9 Volt, etc.)

Customer: “I don’t know. These all look the same.”

Me: “Could you bring in the one that is not working and I will match it up with the correct one to ensure you purchase the correct one?”

Customer: “You mean, bring the dead battery here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I can’t do that! It’s for my alarm system. If I take the battery out, it won’t work. The battery is dead, so my alarm is not working!” *leaves*

That’s One Shell Of A Cat-astrophe

| Michigan, USA | Pets & Animals

Me: “Welcome to [business name]. How can I help you?”

Couple: “We need a carpet cleaner. We saw this one in the ad.”

Me: “It’s right over here.” *takes them to the cleaner*

Couple: “We have cat vomit everywhere.”

Me: “Well, this should help. Here are some of its features—”

Couple: “We can’t even have company over. It’s embarrassing. There is so much cat vomit on the floor!”

Me: “Well, this one over here has better brushes.” *demonstrates another product*

Couple: “If our landlord were to see it, we’d get evicted. There is so much cat vomit!”

Me: “Well, this model is what I recommend.” *still showing features*

Couple: “…and the cats drag their meat all over the house.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Couple: “We feed them raw meat, and they keep dragging it all over the house. It gets in the carpet!”

Me: “Wow. Yeah, this should help get that out.”

Couple: “We’ll take it. What sort of soap can we use with this?”

Me: “It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t have to be the same brand. Here’s some.” *shows them some soap*

Couple: “Is that going to be safe for our turtle?”

Me: “Huh?”

Couple: “We also have a turtle that we let roam around. This soap won’t hurt him, will it?”

Don’t Have A Cow, Man

| Finland | Uncategorized

(I work in a shoe store. A customer comes over to me with a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “What material are these shoes made of? Are they made of leather?”

Me: “No, they are synthetic.”

(According to my boss, we don’t need to know the exact formula, just that a pair of shoes is synthetic or leather, etc.)

Customer: “Synthetic? What exactly does that mean? So, they’re not leather?”

Me: “No, they’re not. Synthetic means they’re artificially made and not of leather or any other naturally occurring material.”

Customer: “Uh-huh. But are they leather?”

Me: “No.”

(Customer takes the pair of shoes away. Two minutes later I see her talking to my coworker with another, similar pair of shoes in her hands. This new pair is clearly made of same material than the previous one.)

Customer: *to coworker* “Synthetic, I see. But are they made of leather?”

The Hole Truth, And Nothing Butt The Truth

| Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | Health & Body

(I work in a small shopping centre with about 15 shops. One of our regular gentlemen had come into the store to buy his lotto tickets for the week. I notice that he looks rather awkward as he is waiting for his tickets, and decide to make small talk with him.)

Me: “How’s your day going, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, fine…yours?”

Me: “It’s great, thanks!”

(The customer looks away for a moment, looks down at the paper bag in his hands, and then looks back at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just went to the pharmacy and picked up me pills that the doc gave me.”

Me: “Oh, well I hope everything is okay.”

Customer: “You see, I’ve never had these type of pills before, and I don’t know what this word on the packet means.”

Me: “Well, the pharmacist or your doctor would be able to tell you.”

Customer: *sadly* “Oh, okay…”

Me: “What’s the word, sir?”

Customer: *looks at the packet* “Uh…it’s suppo-sit-ory.”

Me: “Well…uh…sir…that means that you don’t take them orally…”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t put them in your mouth.”

Customer: “Well, how do I take me pills?”

(At this point, another customer behind him is clearly trying not to laugh.)

Me:  “Uh…how do I put this delicately? You…uh…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I really think your doctor would be the best person to tell you.”

Customer: “I don’t wanna go back there. Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Why don’t we go down to the end of the counter, sir, and I can explain it to you?”

(Not wanting to embarrass him further, but not wanting to deny his request, we go down to the end of the counter for some privacy. I spend the next 10 minutes explaining where exactly a suppository goes.)

Customer: *bright red face* “Oh! Uh!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I didn’t know…I’ve never heard that d*** word before! Well why the h*** would they prescribe something like that? It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m not a doctor, but why don’t we finish your transaction? Maybe you can win the big draw tonight!”

Customer: “That would be nice, I could use the money. And you know, if I win, I’m coming back to see you!”

Me: *laughing* “After that, sir, I should hope so.”

(The customer laughs with me, we finish up, and he leaves. My coworker, who has overheard the entire conversation, comes over to me.)

Coworker: “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

Me: “You heard right. Oh, I just feel so bad for him.”

Coworker: “You wanna take your break?”

Me: “Oh God, yes! I’m going to go see the girls at the pharmacy and tell them they might want to give him a call!”

(When he came in to the store the next time, he sadly refused to make eye contact. However, he tried to tip me multiple times!)

Knowing Is Half The Battle, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Well, is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(There’s a long pause.)

Me: “…Is there a specific style you’re looking for?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Maybe a color?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Um, I can’t help you unless you give me something to go on.”

Customer: *dejectedly* “Okay.” *leaves*

Boss: “What just happened?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Related:
Knowing Is Half The Battle

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