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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Inaction Figures

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It is Black Friday. I’m shopping in the toy department of a store, taking a picture of an action figure that I plan on buying for a friend’s nephew. As I want to make sure the boy doesn’t have it already, I am sending the picture to my friend to check. I do not, nor have ever worked there.)

    Woman #1: *talking loudly* “It’s so busy here today! Sure would be nice if I could figure out where the Avengers figures are!”

    Woman #2: “Tell me about it; I can’t find anything!”

    (I write them off as overly loud and ignore them while I wait for my friend to text me back.)

    Woman #1: “You know, where I work we’re not allowed to even look at our cellphones, let alone talk on one.”

    Woman #2: “You’d get fired at my job for using my phone.”

    Woman #1: “It’s amazing the things people think they can do on the job these days. It’s ridiculous!”

    Woman #2: “I know! They think they can pretend like they’re home and get paid for it.”

    (They carry on like this while I wait. Finally, I get a reply text from my friend, grab the toy and walk off. About a minute later I look down, realize I am wearing a red fleece which the same shade as the staff uniforms, and suddenly everything clicks. They were passive-aggressively trying to get my attention for the better part of five minutes. By the way, if they had turned around they would have found what they were looking for!)

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    | Minneapolis, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work for a very well-known vacuum cleaner company. As part of our service, we repair and tune up vacuums for our customers. A couple comes in to get their vacuum back from being tuned up.)

    Me: “Here’s your vacuum, folks!”

    (The vacuum has a check-in sheet with the customer’s name, address, phone number and a description of the vacuum attached to it.)

    Wife: “That’s not our vacuum!”

    Me: “Okay, what makes you say that?”

    Wife: “It’s the wrong color!”

    Me: “Okay, what color was it?”

    Husband: “Kind of an off-white.”

    (This vacuum is white. It is very common for tuned up vacuums to be returned looking lighter in color than upon drop-off because they often come to us filthy and the cleaner we use is highly effective.)

    Me: “So it appears to match the description on the sheet.”

    Wife: “I don’t care what your paperwork says! I know what I know! You’re incompetent! Either that or your took our vacuum and sold it!”

    (I spend the next hour calmly explaining to the customers that this is, in fact, their machine. The wife keeps insisting it’s not, that I’m a liar and/or some combination of idiot/thief and that we are incompetent. An hour late, this conversation finally stops chasing itself amid threats of litigation and promises to never come back to our store. I wind up comping them $30 in replacement parts even though I know for a fact they have the right vacuum.)

    Old lady customer: “We’re going to the [location in St Paul that closed two years earlier] from now on!”

    (Three hours later, the phone rings. It is the husband.)

    Husband:“Turns out you were right. We looked at our purchase receipt and the serial number matches the one on the vacuum you gave us. Who do I make the check for the repairs out to?”

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

    Makes You Want To Throw In The Towel

    | KY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (Two coworkers are discussing the recent Black Friday sale.)

    Coworker #1: “I just heard two women arguing in the towel section.”

    Coworker #2: “Over what?”

    Coworker #1: “The towels. Apparently, they are a hot item this year.”

    Coworker #2: “What do you mean?”

    Coworker #1: “One lady was quicker than the other, so she snagged the towel when another lady also wanted the same one. They argued over it until the first lady broke the second lady’s finger.”

    Coworker #2: *shakes head* “Over a towel!”

    Just Not Registering

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (At my store, if a customer swipes their credit or debit card early, it can freeze the entire register. There’s usually a 10-15 second delay after telling the customer the final price and before they can swipe, but for some that’s too long to wait. The EFTPOS machines clearly display ‘PLEASE WAIT’ during the time the customer has to wait.)

    Me: “That will be $42.90. How would you like to pay for that today?”

    Customer: “On my card.”

    Me: “All right, please wait while the computer connects to the EFTPOS machine. I’ll let you know when to swipe.”

    Customer: *ignores me and swipes her card immediately*

    Me: “Please wait until I or the EFTPOS machine asks for your card.”

    Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

    Customer: *swipes her card again*

    Me: “Ma’am, if you swipe early, it freezes the register, taking even longer. It will only be another ten seconds.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve worked in retail before!”

    Me: “I assure you—”

    Customer: *swipes her card again, freezing the register* “This isn’t working!”

    Me: “That’s because the register’s frozen.”

    (I page for a coworker and a manager to come to the registers. The coworker is there right away.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what’s up?”

    Me: “My register’s frozen. Could you please put this lady through yours?”

    Coworker: “Sure.”

    Customer: “But I’m in a hurry!”

    Me: “I’m aware of that, but it will be quicker than waiting for my register to restart.”

    (The customer goes to the register next to me where my coworker has already re-scanned her purchases.)

    Coworker: “That will be $42.90. Please don’t swipe your card until I tell you to, as it can freeze the registers.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m not stupid!”

    (My manager arrives.)

    Manager: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Nothing. I just need you to restart my register for me as it’s frozen.”

    Manager: “How?”

    Me: “Um… EFTPOS swiped too early.”

    Manager: “Didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? Why didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? I’m sick of this; you girls know that if the customer swipes their card early, it will freeze the registers! I’m sick of wasting my time having to restart your registers!”

    Me: “Maybe if we were allowed to face the EFTPOS machines towards us, then the customer wouldn’t be able to swipe early?”

    Manager: “No, that will only slow things down. You have to tell them not to swipe early!”

    (Meanwhile my customer is again trying to swipe her card early right next to me, and my coworker has leaned over the counter with her hand OVER the EFTPOS machine trying to stop her from doing so.)

    Customer: *to manager* “Hey, your girl won’t let me swipe my card!”

    Manager: “You have to wait until she tells you, otherwise it freezes the registers.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Why didn’t anyone tell me that?!”

    Some People Just Don’t Like Change

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Math & Science, Money

    (The customer’s total is $12.84. She hands me a $20 bill. While I’m counting out her change of $7.16, she hands me a quarter.)

    Me: *confused* “Uh, thanks. But that’s not really necessary.”

    (I set the quarter on the counter so she can take it back while I finish gathering her change.)

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. It makes it easier.”

    Me: “Oh, well, I appreciate the intention, ma’am, but it was 84 cents due, so a quarter doesn’t really make a difference. I’d just be handing your quarter right back to you.”

    Customer: *condescending* “Well, I was just trying to make it easier, but if you want to complicate it, that’s up to you.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see how I’m complicating things. I owe you 16 cents. If I take your quarter, I’ll owe you 41 cents, which is just a quarter plus sixteen cents.”

    Customer: “Just give me my change! I was just trying to help you out! You obviously need to go back to school!” *storms out, leaving her quarter on the counter*

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