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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    What’s Another Word For Wrong Major

    | UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (A girl and her mother are shopping for cookware for her to take to college.)

    Girl: “Do you have any…” *snaps her hand open and closed like a puppet*

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Girl: “You know…” *does puppet hands again* “…for cooking.” *to her mom* “Mum, I need some…” *hand motion*

    Girl’s Mother: “Tongs?”

    Girl: “Yes!”

    (I show them where to find them while the mother teases the girl. I try to change the subject as the girl is obviously embarrassed.)

    Me: “So, you need this stuff for college?”

    Girl: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What are you studying?”

    (The girl turns bright red and both her and her mother start laughing.)

    Girl’s Mother: “She’s going to be studying English!”

    A Bounty Of Advice Puts A Bounce In Your Step

    | Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

    (An elderly male customer comes up to me at work and shows me his shopping list.)

    Customer: “Do you carry these dryer sheets?”

    (He shows me the list, which reads “Bounty sheets.”)

    Me: “Sir, Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. I think you mean Bounce.”

    Customer: “My wife wrote it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure she just made a mistake.” *I show him our selection of dryer sheets* “As you can see, we don’t carry Bounty. I’m sure she meant Bounce.”

    Customer: “Do you think another store would have them?”

    Me: “No, sir, I promise you it would be a wasted trip. Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. They only do paper towels and napkins. My best guess is that your wife meant Bounce.”

    Customer: “Okay, but if she yells at me, I’m blaming you.”

    Me: *laughing* “Go right ahead.”

    (The customer buys Bounce. I see him a week later.)

    Customer: “You were right about the dryer sheets! Thanks for making me look smart!”

    (I made a new best friend that day!)

    Try Targ-ET Or Alf-bertsons

    | Massachusetts, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am working late at night at a small, family-owned store when a customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any aliens in here?”

    Me: “Yeah, we have these alien action figures…”

    (I bring her over to where they are.)

    Customer: “No, I want a live alien, like, in a cage. You have those here right?”

    Me: “…No.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Then do you have any aliens that are petrified in some kind of goo?”

    Me: “No, we don’t carry anything like that here. Maybe you should try the internet?”

    Customer: “Oh! Great idea. Thanks so much!”

    All Judgments Are Final

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s after Halloween, so we’re having a clearance sale on Halloween decorations. A customer outside walks by the storefront window, sees the decorations, and stomps right through the entrance to me.)

    Customer: “YOU! Can you explain this?” *points back to the decorations*

    Me: “The Halloween decorations?”

    Customer: “Don’t act dumb! Why are they still here!?”

    Me: “Well, Halloween was just last week, so we still have some decorations left over. They’re on sale for 50% off.”

    Customer: “How DARE you sell those devil items in the store!!”

    (Note: these “devil” items were plastic bags of fake spider webs, smiling cutesy ghosts ornaments, Halloween window stickers and bat-shaped confetti.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am? No offense, but we always sell those during Halloween.”

    Customer: “I KNOW. I just want to know why on earth you would try to sell those AFTER Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, since they’re still in stock we’re having a clearance sale and are trying to get rid of—”

    Customer: “Do you worship the devil?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Only a devil worshiper would do such a thing! Your establishment is based on Satanism! You’re going to burn!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t appreciate—”

    Customer: “Everything you touch is d***ed!”

    (Fed up and frustrated with her offensiveness, I talk back.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I guess that means you’re d***ed too, since you’ve deliberately walked onto tainted soil.” *points down to where she’s standing*

    (The customer’s eyes bulge out as she looks at her feet and then back at me. Then, without warning, she frantically SPRINTS OUT OF THE STORE, pushing my manager out of the way and almost knocking him down.)

    Manager: “What the f*** was that about?!”

    Disrespect Can Be Infectious

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (A customer approaches my register and drops her items on the counter in two separate piles without acknowledging me or diverting attention from her cellphone. There is a line forming as there is only one cash register. Note: I work part-time here; my other job is at a pharmacy.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

    Customer: *to her phone* “So, I went to the doctor and he prescribed me zithromyacin…”

    Me: “Okay, were you going with all of these today or is this pile here to go back?”

    Customer: *to her phone* “Well, I didn’t want to spend money on another prescription, so I just took some Diflucan I had at home.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to know what you plan to purchase before I can ring you up.”

    Customer: *to her phone* “That should be okay, right? I mean, I don’t even know what Diflucan is, but I figured it was stupid to spend more money on pills.”

    Me: “So, should I go ahead and ring these?

    Customer: *to her phone* “I mean, what is Diflucan anyway?”

    Me: *a bit loudly* “DIFLUCAN is most frequently prescribed for YEAST INFECTIONS. Were you ready to check out or would you like to step into a more private area to finish your call?”

    Customer: “Okay, these are the items what I wanted to purchase!” *pays and quickly leaves, embarrassed*

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