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    Getting Shorted

    | Miami, FL, USA | Top

    (At our store, we sell individual tea bags for fifty cents each. Free hot tap water and a foam cup come with each bag sold. One customer, a man in his thirties, has been coming in and buying a single bag of tea every Sunday for two years, but he never takes the water or the cup.)

    Customer: “I’d like a refund of $50 please.”

    Me: “We don’t sell anything that expensive.”

    Customer: “Well, I bought 100 of those herbal mixes and they haven’t done a d*** thing.”

    Me: “You mean the tea you buy every week?”

    Customer: “No, the herbal mixes in the little yellow packets.”

    Me: “Yes, that’s tea.”

    Customer: “You mean it won’t make my man parts larger?”

    Me: “No, it’s a beverage.”

    Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.”

    (He leaves, disappointed. I never saw him again.)

    Virtually Clueless

    | Columbia, MO, USA |

    Customer: “Do you carry these tires in a whitewall?”

    Me: “No, we don’t. You might have more luck if you check our website, sir. It’s [website].”

    Customer: “So, where’s that at? Is it…here?”

    Doing Favors On Your Knees

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Religion

    (I am on my knees cleaning up a display that has very low shelves.)

    Customer: *whispering* “Make sure you say some for me while you’re down there.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, I just thought since you were on your knees you must be praying. I could use some prayers.”

    Me: “I’m just cleaning the bottom shelf.”

    Customer: “Well, can you say one for me while you’re down there?”

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

    Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I did, thank you.”

    (When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

    Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

    Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

    Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    (He looks down at his order.)

    Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

    Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

    | Louisiana, USA |

    Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”


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