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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Respect Your Zombie Elders

    | Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

    Customer: “How dare you.”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “That!”

    (The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

    Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

    (The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

    My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

    Must Have Taken A Napa In Geography Class

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Geography, Top

    (A new customer walks into our liquor store. Note that I am the store manager and have been there a number of years, and have a significant appreciation for wine.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m going to a dinner party this evening and want to bring a bottle of wine. I don’t know anything about wines, though, and I would like to show off a bit.”

    Me: “Certainly, I can help you with that. Do you know what food they will be serving at this party?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Roast beef or lamb, I think.”

    Me: “In that case, you would want a red wine. If you’re not sure of the meal, then I would suggest one of the blends as they are good all rounders and a safer bet if you’re unsure. As for showing off, we have some very nice wines from Chile that we have just got in. Chile has been producing some very nice wines that are winning a number of awards at the moment, and they’re very new to the Australian market so they would be the perfect thing for showing off wine appreciation.”

    Customer: “No, I said we we’re having a roast, not a curry! I don’t want anything spicy!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am…I meant the country, not the spice. These are not spicy wines. They’re just from Chile.”

    Customer: “No, I said I don’t want a spicy wine. Can’t you just show me a wine that will make me look like I’m smart in front of my friends?!”

    My Eyes Advise That Your Size Defies

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m working in the fitting room of a popular clothing store. A customer enters with several pairs of shorts.)

    Me: “Found some items you liked? I’ll start a fitting room for you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not sure if these will work.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to switch the sizes out for you if these don’t work out.”

    (She enters her fitting room and starts trying on her shorts. After a few minutes, she comes out wearing a pair that are WAY too small for her.)

    Customer: “Oh, no…these won’t work!”

    Me: “You’re right. A different size would work better.”

    Customer: “Oh good! I’m glad you agree. These are a 6…can you get me a 2 and a 4?”

    Me: *mouth hanging open*

    Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Money

    (I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

    Customer #1: “Oi!”

    (I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “These shoes are a size 8 and they’re marked as a size 10!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

    (The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

    Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

    (The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

    Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

    Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

    Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”

    Team Awkward

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I am a customer in line behind a middle-aged woman who is buying a DVD. She’s been very nervous throughout the whole transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh, dear…I will have to hide this DVD when I get home!”

    Cashier: “Oh really? Why?”

    Customer: “My children don’t like this movie. I will have to watch it when they’re not home. I’m gonna have to hide it somewhere!” *leaves*

    Coworker: “What was she buying?”

    Cashier:Twilight.”

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