Ah, Parents, Part 3

| Upstate NY, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a popular cellphone retailer. On this day, a customer comes in with her 8-year-old son; he is severely misbehaving.)

Me: “Welcome to [retailer]. What may I help you with?”

Customer: “I want to upgrade my phone.”

(Meanwhile, her son is running around, touching every phone and even throwing things on floor.)

Me: “Not a problem. Let’s see what we can do today.”

(Her son continues to cause chaos, but I’m trying my best to ignore him.)

Me: “Well, we have great sales going on—”

(Suddenly, her son trips the security alarm on the phone. Knowing he’s done something wrong, he turns to me in fear.)

Me: *to her son* “Now, you have to go to jail. The police are on their way, and your mom will have to pay three weeks of your allowance to bail you out.”

Customer: *whispers to me* “Thank you…”

(The customer’s son never left his mom’s side after that. She even gave me a customer satisfaction of all 10s!)

Related:
Ah, Parents, Part 2
Ah, Parents

Makes No Difference How Things End Up

| Colorado, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “Alright, sir, your total is $69.19.”

Customer: “Oh my god! 69! That’s hilarious!”

(Suddenly, the customer becomes sad.)

Customer: “Oh… but I have this coupon…”

(He hands me a 50 cents off coupon.)

Me: “That’s alright, sir! That coupon will take 50 cents off. Your total is now $68.69!”

Customer: *dumbstruck* “This place is magical!”

And The Nerds Shall IPO The Earth

| CA, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer and her 7-year-old son approach me in the electronics department. The son has some video game and video game memorabilia in his hands.)

Customer: *to her son* “Why do you want to buy that crap?” *to me* “I pray that he doesn’t grow up to be a nerd. I just wish he would color his hair and get some tattoos.”

Me: “Nothing wrong with nerds.”

Lady: *scoffs* “Let’s just hope it’s just a phase!”

All Signs Point To Duh, Part 5

| Central Florida, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(The kitchen supply store where I work is going out of business. All over the store are bright yellow and black signs stating this, along with, “All Sales Final, No Returns,” and “Cash and Credit Cards Only, No Checks Accepted”.)  

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

(The customer opens her purse and pulls out a checkbook.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. We are not able to accept checks at this time.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because the store is going out of business.”

Customer: “So, why is that my problem?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not your problem. However, we are not able to accept checks any longer.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see where it says that!”

(I point at the sign behind me.)

Me: “Here…”

(I point at another sign on the front counter.)

Me: “…here…”

(I point at a third sign directly below her open checkbook.)

Me: “…and here.”

Customer: “I read at home! Why should I be forced to read when I shop?!”

Related:
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 4
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 3
All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2
All Signs Point To Duh

And You Wonder Why We Have Canned Responses

| Hazleton, PA, USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hey, you! Where is your canned corn?”

(Note that customer has just walked into my aisle from another aisle where all the canned vegetables are.)

Me: “All canned vegetables are in aisle 4. Did you happen to look there on your way here?”

Customer: “Are you an idiot? That’s your job to look, not mine. And you didn’t even look for them. How do you know they are where you say?”

Me: “I assure you, I’ve worked here for quite some time and that is where they are located. If you would go back down to aisle 4 and look on the left hand side, about a quarter the way down you will find the corn.”

Customer: “NO! You will go and look for me. Where do they find you people? It’s YOUR job to go look and not MINE. That’s what you losers are hired for.”

Me: “Yes, I’ll be right back.”

(I walk out of my aisle, go to the aisle with the canned vegetables to double check, and return to the customer.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “As I stated, they are in aisle 4.”

Customer: “But now you KNOW they are there because you LOOKED!”

Me: *trying to maintain composure* “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “F*** you, retard!”

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