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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    How Much Is That Human In The Window

    | Dublin, Ireland |

    (A customer walks in while I am in the shop window redecorating it.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to know how much the girl in the window is?”

    Coworker: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The girl in the window. I want to buy her.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but she is a staff member. Plus, I also think it’s illegal to sell people.”

    Customer: “Then why is she on the window?!”

    Coworker: “You’re joking, right?”

    Customer: “No, I want her. I need a new cleaner.”

    Goldilocks Is Better Off With The Bears

    | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (Note: We sell a mosquito tent for babies that is very compact and light.)

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question about your baby tent?”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like to know?”

    Customer: “Can the tent withstand a bear attack?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, let’s say we go camping and my husband and I are sun tanning on the other side of the lake. If a bear comes into the campsite, will the tent protect my child?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. Who is in the campsite with your baby while you are on the other side of the lake?”

    Customer: “Nobody. Why?”

    The Fine Art Of Peevesdropping

    | Oshkosh, WI, USA |

    (Note: My coworker is my friend, and we usually pick on each other in good fun.)

    Me, to coworker: “Your shirt is all wrinkled! Maybe you should show up to work looking decent!”

    Mistakenly overhearing customer: “Well, maybe you should shove it!”

    Stranger In A Sweet Land

    | FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for this movie. It was a funny movie and it is fairly new.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me who is in it?”

    Customer: “That fat guy from Superbad?”

    Me: “Is it this movie?” *I pick up ‘Get him to the Greek’*

    Customer: “Yeah! Thanks! Have a piece of candy.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I put the candy in my pocket, and walk to the counter to ring him up.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “You have a nice smile. You know what you win?”

    Me: “No. What do I win?”

    Customer: “A better piece of candy!”

    (He hands me another piece of candy and walks out swinging his bag.)

    Manager, to me: “Don’t eat that candy. It’s stranger candy.”

    (Opposite Se)X-Men

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (A little boy comes through my line holding a Wolverine figure. I scan it first and give it back to him before his parents groceries.)

    Me: “So is Wolverine your favorite?”

    Boy: *looks at me confused*

    Me: “More then Beast or Nightcrawler?”

    Boy: *tilts his head, more puzzled*

    Me: “Rogue’s always been my favorite.”

    Boy: “Bu-But, you’re old. And a girl!”

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