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    Green Is My Least Favorite Color

    | New York, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with a few small items carrying large, seemingly empty purse.)

    Me: “Would you like a bag?”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Do they really have you ask that?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Some people like to be green by not taking a bag.”

    Customer: “Don’t ever say that again. It makes the store sound cheap. Yes, I want a bag.”

    (I place her items in a bag and she storms off in a huff, shoving the bag in her purse.)

    Exorcisms Not Included, Part 2

    | Illinois, USA |

    (We have candy canes leftover from a holiday event sitting on a shelf above my register. A woman has just left her seven or eight year old daughter guarding a second load of purchases while she puts the rest in the car. The daughter is clutching a care-worn doll.)

    Girl: *very politely* “Excuse me, I noticed you seem to have a bowl of candy canes up there. May I have one?”

    Me: “Sure, as long as your mother says it’s alright.”

    Girl: “Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or…” *lowers her voice* “…the doll’s soul will have to ask.”

    Me: “You know what? I can ask her. Yeah. I can totally ask her.”

    Related:
    Exorcisms Not Included

    Unfortunately, Your IQ Adds Up To Zero

    | Sydney, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (We are currently running a promotion where customers can get 20% off their entire purchase with a coupon. On this day, I watch as a customer brings 5 items into the change room, picks up the first item, and brings it to the cash register, leaving the other four behind.)

    Customer: “Just this, please.”

    Me: “Sure. Was there a problem with the other four items?”

    Customer: “No, no, I still want them! Leave them there for me. I’ll come back for them.”

    Me: “You’ll…come back for them? I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid we don’t reserve items.”

    Customer: “I’ll only be a second!”

    (I decide not to say anything and continue with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Wait, I want to use my coupon! It’s a 20% discount!”

    (I take her coupon and bring up her new total. She pays and leaves the store. However, she immediately turns on her heel and comes back in, heading towards the change rooms where she picks up the next item on the pile and brings it to me.)

    Customer: “Hello, just this, please. And I have a coupon!” *takes out another coupon*

    Me: “You know, ma’am, this isn’t necessary. 20% off the total price of all the items is exactly the same as the sum of 20% off each individual item. So you can just buy all your items in a single transaction.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? If I bought them in single transaction, I’d only be getting 20% off! But I have five coupons! 20 times 5 is 100! So now, I’m getting 100% off!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *winks* “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how to cheat the system!”

    Thou Shalt Not Covenant Thy Neighbor

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I’m working the floor at a local video game store when a visibly angry woman comes up to me with a game in her hand.)

    Customer: “What sort of filth are you selling here!? My son has been playing this game, and I found out it’s about killing the Pope!”

    (She’s holding a copy of “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood”. Its antagonist is Rodrigo Borgia, the Pope of Renaissance Italy.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, the villain in that game is an embellished version of an actual Pope who was historically known for–”

    Woman: “Look! I know you’re just doing your job, but I live in a Christian household and I wont have my son learning to hate religion!”

    (I give her a refund, and then try to find her a game she approves of.)

    Woman: “Okay, what’s this one about?” *picks up Halo: Reach*

    Me: “Well, in that game you play as a futuristic super soldier who battles a race of religiously devout–”

    (She screams, throws the game down, and storms out. The next day, she comes back and buys “God of War III” simply because it “has God in the title”.)

    Metaphysics In Aisle 5

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is [store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, is your place like…a store?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. This is a store.”

    Customer: “Well, I know that. But is it a store where I can go to…you know, buy things?”

    Me: “Yes, you can come in buy things here.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.” *hangs up*


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