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  • Intelligence May Be Of Equal Or Lesser Value

    | Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout

    (My store is going through a buy two, get the third free sale. A customer comes up with only two items.)

    Me: “Hi. Just these ones today?”

    Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

    Me: “Did you want to grab another item of equal or lesser value for free?”

    Customer: “How much will it cost?”

    Me: “Nothing…it’s free.”

    Customer: “What’s the catch?”

    Me: “It’s of equal or lesser value of the items you have here.”

    Customer: “So, how much extra do I have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s free.”

    Customer: “No. There’s a catch, isn’t there? You people are always trying to sell me more stuff with some sort of catch behind it. I will probably end up paying more for it or something.”

    Me: “No, it’s free, meaning you will pay no extra. You get it for nothing.”

    Customer: “No! I refuse to give into your gimmicks.”

    (The customer pays for two items and walks out of the store. She returns the next day.)

    Customer: “Yes, I came in yesterday and wasn’t aware of the sale you had going on for buy two, get the third free!”

    Size Matters, Part 5

    | Destin, FL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at the photo counter of a major retailer. This happens almost everyday.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was wondering how big is an 8 x 10 photo?”

    Me: *holding up fingers to approximate size* “About this big.”

    Customer: “So, how big is that?”

    Me: “It’s 8 inches by 10 inches.”

    Customer: “So, will that fit in a 4 x 6 frame?”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    She’s A No Nonsense Kinda Girl

    | Columbus, IN, USA |

    (I work in a big box retailer in the toy department. A customer approaches me when I’m stocking in the Barbie aisle to ask a question.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a specific Barbie and I was wondering if you had it in.”

    Me: “Okay, which one?”

    Customer: “Do you have Fascist Barbie?”

    Me:Fascist Barbie?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s Fascist Barbie.”

    Me: *confused* “Uh, no, we don’t have a Fascist Barbie doll.”

    Customer: “Really? I can’t find that anywhere! I don’t really know the name of it. It’s like fascist. Fashion-something Barbie.”

    Me: “Oh, Fashionista Barbie?”

    Customer: *suddenly happy* “Yes! That’s it!”

    Me: “Yeah, we have those. They’re right over here.”

    When One Door Closes, Another One…Never Mind

    | Carmel, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a small gift shop that has two doors, one in front and one in back. The front door latches to the outside wall to keep it from swinging shut. One day, a little old lady comes to the back door.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but your front door is locked.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I’m looking at it now. It’s open.”

    Customer: “Well, I just tried it and I couldn’t get it open.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s open already.”

    Customer: “But I couldn’t open it!”

    (At this point, it dawns on me that she has been trying to open the door while it was latched to the wall, while ignoring the obviously open doorway to her immediate left.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll look into it…”

    Comes In Smooth, Soul, Or Swing

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    (I work at a well-known body care retail store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I was looking for a lotion but I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Sure! What was the name of the lotion?”

    Customer: “I think it was ‘Jazz Man.’”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell anything by that name.”

    Customer: “But the one in [nearby location] had it!”

    Me: “Our store is part of a chain and none of our stores carry an item by that name.”

    Customer: *stares at me in disbelief*

    Me: *thinks for a moment* “Oh! We DO sell a jasmine scented lotion! Did you mean jasmine? Or jazz man?”

    Customer: “I don’t know…”

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