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    It’ll Take More Than One Bag To Hold All That Anger

    | Quebec, Canada | At The Checkout

    (A customer in his late 50s approaches, so I start ringing him up.)

    Customer: “Can I see your bags?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I show him our store’s bags*

    Customer: “I don’t want any of your bags. Give me another one!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but those are the only one we have. Since you only have one item, maybe you can just carry it with you? We don’t require you to put it in a bag.”

    Customer: “No, no, you don’t understand. I need a bag! I’m walking back home. However, I don’t want to give you guys free advertisement when I’m walking with your bag!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have any other bags.”

    Customer: “Just give me that bag over there, then!”

    (He points to another bag, which was accidentally left by another customer from a different store that she had just been to. However, that bag is full of products and also has that store’s name and logo on it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. It belongs to another customer.”

    Customer: “You stupid f***! You won’t even give me a f***ing bag?! You are the worst employee that I have ever seen! I’m never shopping here ever again!” *storms off*

    Eyes Wide Shut

    | Wisconsin, USA | Top

    (Note: I am the customer in this story. This takes place when I am getting a makeover at the cosmetics counter of a department store.)

    Saleswoman: *doing my eye makeup* “Okay, now open!”

    Me: *opens mouth & keeps eyes closed*

    Saleswoman: “I meant your eyes, dear…”

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 3

    , | Washington, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work at a store that sells area rugs. We take a fair amount of phone calls from people who have questions regarding area rugs.)

    Me: “[Store], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course, what is your question?”

    Caller: “I can’t get it to stay up!”

    Me: “Oh…um…okay. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “My area rug! It’s old and I love it, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”

    Me: “Oh, I see.”

    Customer: “I’ve been vacuuming it non-stop on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”

    Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

    (I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time. The innuendo was much thicker than her rug!)

    Related:
    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2
    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

    The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Back Pain

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work at the fitting rooms of a retail store. Two women are trying on bathing suits. They each have had obvious plastic surgery and enormous racks.)

    Customer #1: *dumps a pile of bikinis on my desk* “None of these fit! It’s ridiculous that your store doesn’t carry anything to fit me.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t waste your breath…she wouldn’t understand. Look at how tiny her boobs are!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer #1: “Honey, let me give you my brother’s card. He can give you MUCH better boobs.”

    Customer #2: “He did mine too! Look how bouncy they are!” *jiggles chest*

    Me: “I’m…okay with C-cups, thanks.”

    Customer #1: “Call him if you change your mind! Life is better with huge boobs!”

    Weekend Roundup: A Day In An Employee’s Life

    , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    A Day In An Employee’s Life. This week, we share five stories that share the ups and downs (well, mostly the latter) of being an employee. If you’ve ever wanted to share with a friend what your job is like, send them this roundup!

    1. Teaching The Next Generation:
      Fold…unfold…fold…unfold…It’s a wonder more clothing store employees haven’t gone crazy!
    2. A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry:
      This one will get you teary eyed: A customer’s precocious little girl leaves a big, smelly surprise in the changing room.
    3. Mrs. Understanding:
      Teach your children by example…the example of poor, suffering employees, that is.
    4. In This War, There Are No Winners:
      When they say “stick it to the man,” they probably weren’t referring to the guy stuck cleaning up your mess with a mop and a broom.
    5. Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown:
      Customers often ask stupid questions, but on occasion they can have profoundly earth-shattering ramifications.

    PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

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