All Sighs Point To No

| MD, USA | Uncategorized

(A lady calls and complains to our store.)

Me: “Good Afternoon, [name of store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to speak with a manager!”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Manager: “Hello, this is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was just in your store eating my lunch in your little cafe, and your cashier on register #11 offended me.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What did she do to offend you?”

Customer: “She yawned.”

Manager: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “She yawned, and I was so offended that I could not eat my lunch. She should not be paid to just stand there and yawn.”

Manager: “Uhm…” *dumbfounded*

Customer: “I did not want to say anything to her because she was very large.”

Manager: “Okay ma’am, I will tell her to stop yawning and to get more sleep at night.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!” *hangs up*

Cash-Back-And-Forth

| Lincolnshire, England, UK | Money

(Whenever a customer asks for cash-back, I always repeat the amount back to them just to make sure I have heard correctly.)

Customer: “Can I have £30?”

Me: “That’s £30?”

Customer: “No, £30.”

Me: “Yes, £30 cash-back?”

Customer: “No, I want £30.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I said, £30 cash-back.

Customer: “Look, do you do cash-back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, can I have £30?”

Conan The Contrarian

| Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule

Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

(She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)

Taking The Big Out Of Bigotry

| Orange, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Religion, School, Top

(I am female. My girlfriend picks up my teen niece from school and they meet me at my job everyday. On this day, my niece’s school has a “Pride Day”, so my niece is dressed in purple and has a rainbow-colored band around her upper arm. A customer has noticed.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. Are you gay?”

My Niece: “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Because your band says ‘gay’ on it.”

My Niece: “Oh! It actually says ‘I support gays’. Today was Pride Day at my school. That’s also why my band is rainbow and I’m wearing so much purple.”

Customer: *very loudly* “You will go to Hell for telling people to sin! You are encouraging people to disobey God!”

My Niece: “To be honest, ma’am, I am an atheist. But my school’s principal is Christian and he announced the Pride Day.”

Customer: “You will burn in Hell! How does your family feel about you disobeying God’s word?”

My Niece: “Actually, my parents are okay with me being an atheist. Also, you see that lady over there who helped you?” *points to me* “She’s my aunt, and that woman there—” *points to my girlfriend* “—is her girlfriend, and they’ve been together for 14 years. They’re also Christians.”

Customer: “Heathens! Filthy, devil-worshipping heathens is what you all are! You will have to face God one day!”

(My niece has been smiling throughout this whole exchange, as if she’s completely unbothered by the customer’s comments.)

My Niece: “Ma’am, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t Christians believe that God loves all His children? And isn’t Christianity about ‘loving thy neighbor’? If that’s true, why are you such a closed-minded, air-headed bigot who tries to use religion as a weapon? I think you are just using being Christian as a mask for your hatred. Unless what I’ve just said is false, I don’t think you know what it means to be Christian.”

(The customer was rendered speechless and stormed out the door, almost leaving her bags behind until my niece kindly reminded her.)

18 And Blunder, Part 2

| Bangor, ME, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I work in a store that carries all kinds of DVDs, from G-rated all the way up to X and everything in-between. A boy, no older than 12, brings a soft-core pornography DVD up to my register.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you.”

Boy: “Why not?!”

Me: “It’s inappropriate for someone of your age.”

Boy: “My mom said I could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I still can’t sell it to you.”

(The boy storms out of the store.)

Co-worker: “Can you believe that?  Like his mom really said he could have that!”

Me: “I know. Either he’s lying, or his mom only said he could have it because she doesn’t know what it’s about.”

(Shortly thereafter the boy returns to the store with his mom. His mom stomps around the store, gets the DVD, and slams it down in front of me.)

Mom: “I can’t believe I had to get out of the car for this!  You should have just sold it to him! He told you that I said he could have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I can’t sell that video to anyone under the age of 18.”

Mom: “Why not? Discrimination?”

Me: “Not at all. It just contains things that most people feel is inappropriate for a child to see.”

(The mom picks up the DVD and examines it for the first time. She looks at the front and then starts reading the back. The more she reads, the wider her eyes get. All of a sudden she drops the DVD and starts spanking her son’s butt. She drags him out of the store by his arm.)

Boy: “But mom, you said I could have it!”

Mom: “I didn’t know what it was about! I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I almost bought you porn!”

Related:
18 And Blunder

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