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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Til Death Do Us Car

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA |

    (I’m working at the customer service desk when an older woman, who
    looks very annoyed, walks up.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Is there a phone I can use back here to call someone?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure.”

    (I slide her the phone to dial out.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I can’t find my husband. I don’t know where in the h*** he is!”

    (While she is on the phone, she is looking more and more annoyed. She then sighs very loudly, and slams the phone down.)

    Me: “Did you find him?”

    Customer: “I left him in the car…”

    All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

    | United Kingdom | Money

    (I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

    Customer: “How much it this?”

    Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

    Customer: “How much is this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

    Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

    Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

    Customer: “What about this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

    Faceless Enemy, Faceless Victim

    | Georgia, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working the register in the garden center when a man with no arms come through with an item held under his chin. He leans over, drops it on my counter and says that he’ll be right back. He comes back with several more items under his chin, and states that he is ready to check out.)

    Me: “So, how is your day going?”

    Customer: “It’s going fine, thanks!”

    (The transaction goes smoothly until it’s time for him to pay.)

    Customer: “I have no arms, so you’ll have to get the money out of my pocket.”

    (I blink, but it sounds reasonable, so I walk around the counter to get the money. As I reach into his front pocket, he notices
    something.)

    Customer: “Oops, my fly is open. But, don’t worry. Nothing will jump out at you!”

    Pros And Con(artists)

    | Reno, NV, USA |

    (Note: California has just enacted a new law stating that it is illegal for retailers to ask consumers for their zip code.)

    Me: “And could I get your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “You can’t ask me that! It’s illegal!”

    Me: “Only in the state of California. This is Nevada.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not giving it to you because it’s an invasion of my privacy.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I’m finishing her transaction, and she sees the signup form to receive emails about sales and coupons.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “This is a form to receive emails about coupons, sales, and special offers.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay, I’d like to sign up!”

    (She starts filling out the form.)

    Me: “I just need to ask you for your zip code.”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    Beauty Is Only Emotion Deep

    | Westminster, MD, USA |

    (It’s my first day at work and I’m bagging for a coworker. An elderly man comes up to the register and blatantly stares at me.)

    Customer: “You’re beautiful.”

    Me: “Well, thank you!”

    Customer: “But you have a mean look on your face.”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been doing nothing but smiling the entire time.)

    Me: “I’m, sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s okay. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful soul…and a beautiful aura. A very, very beautiful aura.”

    Me: “Er, thank you?”

    Customer: “But you just look so mean! Why can’t you look happy, beautiful?”

    (This goes on for another few minutes before my coworker steps in to save me. I can’t wait to work tomorrow.)

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