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    The Devil’s Logic

    | Pune, India | At The Checkout

    (I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

    Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

    (I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

    Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

    Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

    No Returns On The Can Of Worms

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m standing at the service center chatting with a co-worker when a customer walks up and places a bag on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

    Me: “Of course! Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag.”

    (She opens the bag and little bugs come jumping out of the bag and scuttle around the counter.)

    Customer: “Those aren’t mine! I don’t even have animals! They aren’t
    mine!”

    Me: *speechless*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8

    | Onley, VA, USA |

    (I work in the electronics department of a large retail chain.)

    Customer: “Hello, I was looking to find the new Twilight.”

    Me: “All of our Twilight movies are located over here. I can show you–”

    Customer: “I need to find Breaking Dawn.”

    Me: “Oh, well, our book department is this way–”

    Customer: “No, no, no! I have the book already. I need the movie!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out until Friday.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll just come back then.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I meant it comes out in theaters on Friday.”

    Customer: “So, you won’t have the DVD by Christmas?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

    Customer: “That’s just confusing! Why would the book come out before the movie?! It’s so weird!”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    A Different Kind Of Nip Slip

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I am showing white polo shirts to a customer.)

    Customer: “It certainly looks nice. Too bad I can’t wear it due to my conspicuous nipples.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Customer: “Nothing.”

    Age Is But A Number

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (A girl, no older than 7, is counting items on the shelves.)

    Me: “So, you like to count? What’s your favorite number?”

    Girl: *cheerfully* “69!”

    Me: *pause and glance at her mother* “Oh, that’s gr–”

    Mother: *nervously* “Uh, um, her grandma just turned 69 today. She didn’t mean that!” *drags her daughter away*

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