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    Don’t Take Customers At Face Value, Part 2

    | King of Prussia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you know who you look like? You bear a striking resemblance to her!”

    Me: “No, who?”

    Customer: “Casey Anthony!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *slowly backs away*

    Related:
    Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in with a laptop that he bought and a laptop sleeve that he got for free with the laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, this sleeve doesn’t fit the laptop.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s no problem, sir. I don’t have any larger sleeves, but you can take a look at the laptop bags.”

    Customer: “No, I just want my money back.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you didn’t pay anything for the sleeve. It came for free with the laptop as part of a promotion. I can return it for you, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can go ask the manager, if you like.”

    Customer: “Do that.”

    (I go in the back and talk to the manager, who tells me exactly what I just told the customer. Then, I head back out to the front.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the manager told me the same thing. I can return it, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Who do you people think you are? I want my money back!”

    Me: “But, sir, you didn’t pay anything for it.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! Go get your manager! I’ll get your a** fired!”

    Green Is My Least Favorite Color

    | New York, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with a few small items carrying large, seemingly empty purse.)

    Me: “Would you like a bag?”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Do they really have you ask that?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Some people like to be green by not taking a bag.”

    Customer: “Don’t ever say that again. It makes the store sound cheap. Yes, I want a bag.”

    (I place her items in a bag and she storms off in a huff, shoving the bag in her purse.)

    Exorcisms Not Included, Part 2

    | Illinois, USA |

    (We have candy canes leftover from a holiday event sitting on a shelf above my register. A woman has just left her seven or eight year old daughter guarding a second load of purchases while she puts the rest in the car. The daughter is clutching a care-worn doll.)

    Girl: *very politely* “Excuse me, I noticed you seem to have a bowl of candy canes up there. May I have one?”

    Me: “Sure, as long as your mother says it’s alright.”

    Girl: “Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or…” *lowers her voice* “…the doll’s soul will have to ask.”

    Me: “You know what? I can ask her. Yeah. I can totally ask her.”

    Related:
    Exorcisms Not Included

    Unfortunately, Your IQ Adds Up To Zero

    | Sydney, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (We are currently running a promotion where customers can get 20% off their entire purchase with a coupon. On this day, I watch as a customer brings 5 items into the change room, picks up the first item, and brings it to the cash register, leaving the other four behind.)

    Customer: “Just this, please.”

    Me: “Sure. Was there a problem with the other four items?”

    Customer: “No, no, I still want them! Leave them there for me. I’ll come back for them.”

    Me: “You’ll…come back for them? I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid we don’t reserve items.”

    Customer: “I’ll only be a second!”

    (I decide not to say anything and continue with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Wait, I want to use my coupon! It’s a 20% discount!”

    (I take her coupon and bring up her new total. She pays and leaves the store. However, she immediately turns on her heel and comes back in, heading towards the change rooms where she picks up the next item on the pile and brings it to me.)

    Customer: “Hello, just this, please. And I have a coupon!” *takes out another coupon*

    Me: “You know, ma’am, this isn’t necessary. 20% off the total price of all the items is exactly the same as the sum of 20% off each individual item. So you can just buy all your items in a single transaction.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? If I bought them in single transaction, I’d only be getting 20% off! But I have five coupons! 20 times 5 is 100! So now, I’m getting 100% off!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *winks* “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how to cheat the system!”


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