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    After Sickness It Is Best To Re-coupon-ate

    | Albany, NY, USA | Top

    (The customer hands me a coupon that has been expired for five months.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This coupon expired back in June.”

    Customer: “I know. I was diagnosed with cancer and I went to Europe for four months for experimental treatment.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. I do hope your health is improving. Unfortunately, I still can’t accept this coupon. Even if it wasn’t expired, it can’t be used on sale items.”

    Customer: “This is a load of s***! You’re going to penalize me for having cancer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that crap. I’m going to call my lawyer. You can’t discriminate against me because I have cancer.”

    Me: “Sir, there is nothing I can do. The system won’t allow me to override sales.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to [name of manager].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’s not in today. I can call another manager.”

    Customer: “I know he’s here! You’re just not telling me because he’ll make you give me the discount. I am not leaving until I speak to him.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but [manager] is not here today. Five months ago, they discovered he had a brain tumor. When they operated on him, it caused a brain bleed and he had a stroke.”

    *awkward silence*

    Customers wife: “Well, I bet you feel like an a** now! Trying to use cancer as an excuse!”

    Barcode Overload

    | Bonita Springs, FL, USA |

    (A customer is in my line with a large box. I lean over and hold my hand scanner upside-down to reach it.)

    Customer: “Wow! You can scan barcodes upside down now? Technology these days!”

    Tiger, Tiger, Fake And Bright

    | Missoula, MT, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, is your tiger fur made of real tiger?”

    Me: “No. All of our fur is fake. It’s made of polyester.”

    Customer: “Tigers are made of polyester?”

    Humor Isn’t Just Skin Deep

    | Stockport, UK |

    Me:” Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a protective foreskin for my phone.”

    (There is a slight pause and we both burst out laughing.)

    Me: “I think I know what you mean. They’re just over here.”

    Well, It Sure Beats Atkins

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (A customer emails in a query regarding one of our products.)

    Customer: “If it were a matter of life or death, could I eat this product? If so, what would happen? The label says ‘safe & non-toxic’, yet it also says ‘do not eat’. This seems contradictory. Please clarify ASAP. I’m starving.”

    Me: “You would have to contact the manufacturer of the item. I recommend that you should not eat anything that says ‘safe & non-toxic’ because this could be referring to biodegradable elements of this product, and should not be used for dietary nutrition. I hope you find something else to eat.”


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