• A Pain In The Nugget
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    You Just Got Schooled, Part 3

    | AZ, USA | Bigotry, School

    (I worked in the tech repair department of computer electronics retailer. I walk up to the customer service desk to do an inspections for a coworker and a customer making a return.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Hey, this customer is doing a return and we need the product inspected.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I inspect it and passively listen as the customer and coworker reminisce about the days when he was her soccer coach in a public high school a couple years back.)

    Customer: “…yeah, things on the team aren’t like they used to be. With that recent rule change, they’re letting homeschoolers join our sports teams now too. The nerve of them taking positions from kids who are enrolled at the school and actually learning something! Those parents are uneducated idiots to prevent their kids from getting a good education.”

    Coworker: “Wow, sounds like there are some issues to be worked out.” *looks at me* “Hey, weren’t you homeschooled?”

    Me: “Yes I was, for six years into high school. My mother has a Bachelors in Teaching and father has a Bachelors in Science. I received four tech certifications before working here, and just graduated with a bachelor in Computer Information Systems.”

    Customer: *stands their quietly, looking away*

    Me: *to the customer* “Everything looks good. You can go ahead with the return.”

    You Just Got Schooled, Part 2
    You Just Got Schooled

    The Mad Hatter

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (A customer sees me unpacking about 100 hats while he’s looking at the 150 or more already on display.)

    Customer: “You got any 7 1/4’s in there?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet. I’m just unpacking them and I won’t know the price until I do some research.”

    Customer: “But do you have any 7 1/4’s?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet.”

    Customer: “Look and see if you have any 7 1/4’s.”

    (Note that I’ve got over 100 hats I’m trying to unpack and stack so they won’t fall over.)

    Me: “I’ll have them all unpacked and sorted in size order in a few minutes. Just bear with me.”

    Customer: “I just want 7 1/4’s.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be finished in a few minutes and let you know what I’ve got in that size.”

    Customer: “How many do you have?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet; I don’t have them unpacked.”

    (He wanders around the store for about a minute and comes back.)

    Customer: “Have you found the 7 1/4’s?”

    Me: “Not yet; give me a few minutes.”

    Customer: “I gave you a few minutes and you’re not done yet.”

    Me: “I’m going as fast as I can. I’ll let you know when I’m finished.”

    (I finally get them all sorted and only have about five 7 1/4’s.)

    Me: “I’m finished, and these are the 7 1/4’s.”

    (He tries one on and he doesn’t need a 7 1/4; he needs a 7. I find him a few in his size, and after he tries on one, he walks away.)

    Me: *stopping him* “I have a few more in his size.”

    Customer: *continues to walk away* “Oh, I don’t want to buy one. I just wanted to see what I looked like in a hat!”

    His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (I work as a cashier. Two customers are in my line: an older man with a grimace and a younger man with a thick Irish accent. The Irishman, Customer #1, has jostled the older man, Customer #2.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, watch it!”

    Customer #2:You watch it, boy! Why’d you get in my way?”

    Customer #1: “Get in your way? Oh, come on!”

    Customer #2: *looks at me* “You saw that, right? He bumped his cart right into me!”

    Customer #1: “Look, let’s not get her involved. You can just go in front of me. ‘Pogue mahone’ (póg mo thóin), alright?

    Customer #2: “What was that?”

    Customer #1: “Oh, ‘Pogue mahone’? It’s an Irish phrase. We say it when we want to end an argument. Here you go, you can go first.”

    Customer #2: “Darn right I will. Youth these days need to learn to be a little more respectful.”

    (I check him out and he leaves. Customer #1 steps up, and I begin checking his things out.)

    Customer #1: “I sure hope he doesn’t look up what that really means when he gets home.”

    Me: “Why? What does it mean?”

    Customer #1: “It’s Irish for ‘Kiss my a**’.”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    | Athens, GA, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m a customer walking around the kitchen section of a department store.)

    Woman: *aggressively* “Where are your housewares?!”

    (I look around, utterly bewildered, but realize she is talking to me. We’re already standing in what I’d consider the housewares section.)


    Me: “IN. MY. HOUSE. B****!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 4

    Good Employees Can Fill In The Blanks

    | Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (It is 2000. I am working in the electronics department at a well-known chain department store, when a boy of about 13 years old walks up to my counter.)

    Boy: “Um… like, uh… do you, like, uh… have any, uh… like, uh… they’re like, um… they’re like, uh, movies… uh… but, like… they, like… they don’t… they, like, don’t have anything on them?”

    Me: *after staring for a moment* “Do you mean blank videocassettes?”

    Boy: “Yeah!”

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