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    Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

    1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
      An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
    2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
      The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
    3. Doctor Sue:
      Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
    4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
      Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
    5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
      This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Please, Nobody Mention NKOTBSB

    | Clay, NY, USA |

    (I’m on the sales floor when a woman approaches me looking rather flustered.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “I just came from the other mall’s [unrelated store] and they are complete idiots over there! They told me this doesn’t exist! Do you have it?”

    Me: “Well, our merchandise is very different from [unrelated store]. If we don’t have it I can point you out to where you can find it.”

    Woman: “My son’s walking around the mall and I don’t want him to see me in here. Do you carry Avenged Sevenfold’s ‘Five Finger Death Punch’ shirt? The punk from the other mall laughed at me when I asked about it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you are misinformed. Five Finger Death Punch is another band.”

    Woman: “No, it’s something on an Avenged Sevenfold shirt. Look! My son said it’s a shirt!”

    (She shows me the list, which has “A7X/5FDP Shirt”, meaning either shirt would do.)

    Me: “Ma’am, trust me. They are two totally separate bands. Here, let me show you.”

    (I pull out my iPod and show her on my playlist that I am right, going as far as showing her both band lineups.)

    Me: “Perhaps you didn’t read this right, it happens all the time.”

    Woman: *she looks she’s ready to slap me in the face* “Are you stupid?! My son knows what he’s talking about and I’ll prove you wrong you stupid b****!”

    (She calls her son on her cell phone and puts him on speakerphone.)

    Woman: “This stupid sales girl thinks I’m retarded or something. Can you tell her about that Avenged Sevenfold shirt you want with that Death Punch thing?”

    Son: “Mom, they’re two totally different bands. I tried to tell you that before you stormed out of [unrelated store].”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Me: “We do have shirts for both bands and they’re on sale Buy 1, Get 1 Free–”

    (The woman promptly goes to our t-shirt shelves, finds what she’s looking for, and pays and leaves immediately, red faced. My boss, who had witnessed the whole thing, was bent over the cash wrap in tears.)

    Boston Illegal

    | Boston, MA, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A customer discovers that the price tag on an item is covering an older price tag with a lower price on it.)

    Customer: “You can’t do that. That’s illegal!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I know because I’m sleeping with a law student!”

    Piercing Puerility

    | Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

    Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

    Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

    Customer: *leaves*

    ¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No habla español.”

    Customer: “You just did.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

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