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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Hopefully, Acts Of God Are Covered

    | Puyallup, WA, USA |

    Me: “Would you like to get a protection plan? Just in case anything happens to your GPS.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll just pray over it. The blood of Jesus is the best protection there is.”

    We Are A Precipitation Mall Nation

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA |

    (We are in the middle of a snow and ice storm that has shut down the city.)

    Customer: “I cannot believe you guys are still open. The roads are really bad out there.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. The roads are dangerous, but people must really enjoy shopping to take the time to visit the mall today.”

    Customer: “I cannot believe that people are risking their lives to come out to the mall. You guys must be losing money staying open when no one is here.”

    Me: “True, but as long as they keep coming we will stay open. What is it that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I just need to do a return.”

    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2

    | Fort Myers, FL, USA |

    (I work in an electronics store that sells power adapters as replacements for broken ones. The customer has a complaint, because the replacement plug doesn’t go in all the way. It sticks out about 2 millimeters.)

    Customer: “What’ll I do if my grandson sticks his finger on it?”

    Me: “Well, sir, first of all, I would hope you’d keep something like this out of his reach. Second, the space is far too small for his finger to touch it. Third, the plug only has 3 volts of electricity coming out. It won’t hurt you.”

    Customer: “Prove it!”

    (I proceed to plug in the adapter, and hold the tip of it between my fingers.)

    Me: “See? No shock.”

    Customer: “I still don’t believe you!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Here.”

    (I hand the customer a 9-volt battery.)

    Me: “Take this, and put your finger on top of those two bumps.”

    Customer: “Fine! What’s the point of this?”

    Me: “Well, right now, you’re touching a 9-volt battery on both poles. You have more voltage flowing through you, coming out of that battery, than I do touching this plug.”

    (The customer thinks for a minute, as though trying to comprehend what I just said. His fingers are still in place on the battery. Suddenly, he shouts out in pain and throws the battery across the
    room.)

    Customer: *shouting* “How dare you! You just tried to kill me! I’m going to sue!”

    (My manager, who has been watching from the back room via security camera the entire time, comes out.)

    Manager: “Sir, if you really think you have a case, go ahead. You’ll be up against witnesses, security cameras with full audio, and basic elementary school science. There is no way a 9-volt battery can hurt you.”

    (The customer leaves, looking forlorn and downtrodden.)

    Related:
    About To Get Charged With Battery

    Would Like To Explain, But They Haven’t Got Time

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (A couple are talking in the TV section.)

    Wife: “Honey, come look at this 3D TV! The picture is amazing. Maybe we should think about getting one of these.”

    Husband: “No. We should wait until next year, when they come out with the 4D TVs.”

    The Price Is Always Right

    | Auckland, New Zealand |

    (I put a customer’s purchase through. The computer automatically discounts the purchase from $35 to $29.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, you’ve made some mistake. The price isn’t correct on the screen.”

    Me: “Yes, there’s actually a discount on some of your items.”

    Customer: “No. I added the prices as I went around. I’m very good at maths, and you’ve processed the sale wrong.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m confused. You would rather pay the full price?”

    Customer: “Give me your manager.”

    (My manager has overheard most of this.)

    Manager: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “Your staff has processed my sale completely wrong. I demand that you correct this.”

    Manager: “Of course.” *bumps the price up* “The price is $35, ma’am.”

    Customer: *glowering in my direction* “Didn’t hurt, did it?”


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