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    Weight Control Not Included

    | Brandon, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes up to the register with a bag of items to return.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today? Do have a return?”

    Customer: “No, not a return. I want to exchange these items.”

    Me: “What was wrong with the items?”

    Customer: “I bought these at a different location eight months ago and they don’t fit anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t exchange these as the items have been worn and you have had them for quite a while. What is wrong that’s made you want to exchange them now?”

    Customer: “Either they shrunk or I got bigger, so they don’t fit anymore. I want to exchange them for a different size now.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry miss, but I can’t do an exchange for you. I will be more than happy to give a fitting and tell you what your new size is.”

    Customer: “Ugh! You are useless!” *storms off*

    So Good It’s Not Even There

    | Netherlands | Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to know whether you have any topless bikinis?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, strapless bikinis, you mean?”

    Customer: “Yes, topless bikinis! Do you have any?”

    Waste Not, Want Not

    | Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

    (The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

    Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.”

    Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

    (He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

    Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”

    More Than Just A Brand

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (A tourist approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the coochie?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Coochie. The store.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean Gucci? It’s just a couple blocks–”

    Customer: “No, no!”

    (She points at Coach bag.)

    Customer: “Coochie!”

    Peter Pan Would Beg To Differ

    | Charlotte, NC, USA |

    (I’m working at customer service when a little boy with a balloon comes walking up with his mom. As I take care of the woman, I try to talk to the little boy.)

    Me: “Wow, that’s a cool red balloon! Where did you get it from?”

    Mom: “Honey, an adult is talking to you! Answer, her please.”

    Boy: “Why is she an adult?”

    Mom: “Because she is.”

    Boy: “But why?”

    Mom: “Because she’s not allowed to act like a kid anymore.”

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