(I am a customer in line behind a middle-aged woman who is buying a DVD. She’s been very nervous throughout the whole transaction.)
Customer: “Oh, dear…I will have to hide this DVD when I get home!”
Cashier: “Oh really? Why?”
Customer: “My children don’t like this movie. I will have to watch it when they’re not home. I’m gonna have to hide it somewhere!” *leaves*
Coworker: “What was she buying?”
(I am working the cash one busy day. A customer is disputing the price of some items.)
Customer: “Well, the sign said these were 3 for $1. That’s why I was buying them.”
Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but these are $1.25 a piece…they always have been. Would you still like to purchase them?”
Customer: “Well, the sign on the display has them at 3 for $1. I want them, but at that price.”
Me: “Madam, I can see the display from here and I don’t see the sign you are referring to. In fact, I set up that display myself last night. I can assure you there are no such signs on the display. Would you still like to purchase the items?”
Customer: “Look, it’s right there! Can you not see? It says everything on that shelf is 3 for $1!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I still don’t see the sign to which you are referring madam.”
Customer: “IT’S RIGHT THERE ON THE TOP! The green and yellow sign with number 3 on it!”
Me: “You mean the sign that says aisle 3?”
Customer: “Exactly! Now…oh…”
(The customer turns beet red and remains silent for the rest of the transaction. When the next customer in line comes up, she speaks.)
Next Customer: *joking* “If that’s what the signs on each aisle mean, I think I’ll do all my shopping in aisle 7!”
(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)
Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”
(Best. Old dude. Ever.)
The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!
- Bad Parents Bug Us:
A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
- Fruit Is But One Food Group:
There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
- Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
- Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
- Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(We have a regular customer who always brings in his latest metal detector find for me to see, knowing that I’m a fan of antiques and history.)
Customer: “See this ring my metal detector found this morning?”
Me: *looks at the ring* “It looks like an old military officer’s ring. See the rank insignia on one side, the army seal on the other, and ‘E pluribus unum’ around where there used to be a gem/stone?”
Customer: “‘In God we trust.'”
Customer: “‘E pluribus unum’ means ‘In God we trust.'”
Me: “Actually, it is Latin for ‘Out of many, one.’ It’s the nation’s motto, meaning we are many states and people, but one country.”
Customer: *suddenly angry* “NO! It means ‘In God we trust’, like on money! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!” *storms out*