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    You Say Communist, I Say Consumerist

    | Ellensburg, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any clothes that aren’t made in China?”

    Me: “Well, we can–”

    Customer: *whispers conspiratorially* “Don’t you know that they’re all communists there?”

    (She grabs a shirt off of the rack, and looks at the tag.)

    Customer: “Ah. Made in Vietnam. Much better.”

    (She walks off triumphantly.)

    The Punishment Is Fitting

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (There are no associates at our store just to clean the fitting rooms. It’s up to us to clean it out. I am checking the fitting rooms, when a mother and daughter come out. Clothes are everywhere. There are at least 20 pieces, inside out and on the floor.)

    Daughter: *starts to pick up clothes* “Shouldn’t we clean this up?”

    Mother: “No, honey. That’s their job. Leave it.”

    (They walk out with one item in hand. They come back a moment later as I am cleaning.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, miss. There is no one at the register. I need to buy this.”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I was cleaning this up. Give me one second and I will be right there.”

    Mother: *turns red* “Oh, yes. Take your time.”

    Clap-top Repair

    , | MD, USA |

    Customer: “I can’t get the microphone on my laptop to work. Do you think you could help?”

    Me: “What were you trying to do with it?”

    Customer: “I can’t get it to hear what I’m saying.”

    Me: “That’s pretty common. The settings are probably a little off. Let me take a look.”

    (I boot the computer. After switching a few settings, I get the microphone to work.)

    Me: “There, you should be all set. The settings were just wrong. You should be fine now.”

    (I clap into the microphone so she can see the sound bars going up and down. She thinks I am clapping in celebration of her now fixed computer. She begins to clap rapidly along with me.)

    Customer: *clapping* “Yay! This is the best day ever!”

    Stalking Is A Matter Of Wife And Death

    | Watchung, NJ, USA | Top

    (I am working the register. An old woman walks up to me looking very flustered.)

    Customer: “Sir, would you please call security. There’s a man following me.”

    (I hear the voice of a child that is so small that I can’t see him over the counter.)

    Child: “Grandma, that’s Grandpa!”

    Hopefully, Acts Of God Are Covered

    | Puyallup, WA, USA |

    Me: “Would you like to get a protection plan? Just in case anything happens to your GPS.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll just pray over it. The blood of Jesus is the best protection there is.”


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