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    Seeing Oneself In Others

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (A regular comes in and hangs out for a while. Clearly, he doesn’t really want to go back to work.)

    Customer: “It’s boring there. I don’t want to go back.”

    (He sees a mannequin dressed in camo.)

    Customer: “Can I take him with me? He’d blend right in.” *chuckles*

    Me: “Um…he’s a tad heavy and falls apart a lot.”

    Customer: “Perfect. He’s just like me!”

    When In Rome (Or Canada)…

    | British Columbia, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

    Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

    Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)…

    Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

    Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

    A Job Well Blown

    | Bowling Green, KY, USA | Rude & Risque

    (Our store has just installed new, more powerful hand dryers in the restrooms. I am using one when a customer comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “These things give pretty powerful blow jobs, huh?”

    Me: “Yeah, never heard that before.”

    Customer: “I need a good blow job like that!”

    Me: *hurriedly leaves the restroom*

    Related:
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information

    Faster And Furiouser

    | Thomson, GA, USA | At The Checkout

    (My register has gone down and I am in the process of getting someone to come and fix it. In the meantime, a man marches up to me with three things in his arms.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. My register is down.”

    Customer: “What is this crap? You’re the only speedy checkout open! I want to get out of here in a hurry!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m waiting for someone to fix my register.”

    Customer: “Why don’t YOU fix your register!?”

    (I stay silent as he continues to rant.)

    Customer: “I need to get the h*** out of this place!”

    Me: “Sir, why don’t you go to the register next to me? She is open.”

    (The customer looks over at the register, which isn’t a speedy checkout, and snaps at me again.)

    Customer: “Why would I go there?! It isn’t even a speedy checkout!”

    (I look over again. There is no one in line.)

    Me: “Sir, she doesn’t have anyone in line–”

    Customer: “Forget it! You can put that s*** back!”

    (He throws the stuff onto my register and storms out.)


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