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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Honesty In A Modern Age

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hey, you look like you’re looking for something in particular. What brings you into [store] today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to buy a USB port. Where you guys keep them?”

    Me: “So, what is it you’re trying to do? Do you just need a USB hub? Are you trying to get more USB ports on your computer?”

    Customer: “No, I just need a USB port. My friend’s trying to get some pictures off her computer.”

    Me: “Oh, so you need a flash drive?”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I guess it’s been one of those days. I’m sure you’re going to go and tell all your co-workers about this aren’t you? That’s fine, I was an idiot.”

    Cordless & Clueless

    | Yorkshire, UK | Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cordless phone.”

    Me: “No problem, they’re just over here.”

    Customer: ‘I’m wanting one without batteries and that you plug into the mains, do you have any?”

    Me: “That would defeat the point of a cordless phone wouldn’t it?”

    Customer: “No, I had one last time!”

    Me: “Was it like this?”

    (I show her the corded phones.)

    Customer: “Yes! See, a cordless phone you plug in!”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6

    Narcoleptic Nancy’s Inconvenient Nap

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (There are a dozen people in line waiting for three fitting rooms.)

    Customer: “Someone’s been inside room #1 for a long time.”

    (I walk over and the other customers confirm. I’m told no one has come out of that particular room for 15 minutes. The door is indeed locked. I knock and there’s no response. I knock harder and still no response.)

    Me: “That’s weird. The door is locked, not stuck. It can only be locked from the inside or with a key. Did you see who went in there?”

    Customer: “Yes, some lady.”

    (I bang on the door this time. Again, no response. I go to get the key and open the door. Inside is a fully dressed lady sitting on the bench sleeping. Store clothes are strewn on the floor. I have to shake her to wake her up.)

    Lady: *slurred* “What?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re sleeping in our fitting room and there’s a line of people waiting. You weren’t responding when we knocked, so I had to come in to check on you.”

    Lady: “Oh! My goodness, I’m so sorry! I’m really tired, and on top of that, I’m a very sound sleeper!”

    Future Treasury Secretaries Of America

    | Snellville, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money

    (I am a customer at a sporting goods store. As I am walking towards the restroom, I hear a little boy asking his mom to buy him something.)

    Boy: “Mommy, I want this!”

    Mom: “No, honey, we’re not going to buy that. Let’s go.”

    Boy: “But why?”

    Mom: “We’re not going to buy it because it is a waste of money!”

    Boy: “But we can just buy more money!”

    Always After The Next Best Thing

    | Southampton, UK | Love/Romance

    Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

    Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

    Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

    Me: *speechless*


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