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    The High Truth

    | Davenport, IA, USA |

    (I’m busy cleaning the TV displays in the electronics section when a middle-aged customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the bottle brushes are?”

    Me: “Sure, they’re over in the infants section.”

    (I give him instructions on how to get there and even point it out as I’m the only one in my department and cannot leave my post.)

    Customer: “I don’t have kids. Just so you know, it’s not for that.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Customer: “I just need the brush to clean out my bong.”

    The Color Is Titillating Pink

    | Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a novelty store. We sell, among other things, adult “love toys”, one of which is made to look like a tube of lipstick to provide some discretion. A woman in her mid 30s sets one on the counter.)

    Customer: “Do you know what color this is?”

    Me: “It’s hot pink, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Even when you put it on?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t really a lipstick.”

    Customer: *confused* “Then, what is it?”

    Me: “It’s a vibrator, miss.”

    Customer: “Oh! Oh my…I don’t think I want this anymore.”

    All You Need Is Love

    | Canada | Pets & Animals

    (A customer is looking for a heat lamp for her lizards’ terrarium.)

    Me: “Yes, we have them, both in red and clear.”

    Customer: “Perfect, I love you!”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks?”

    (Later, she comes back to get the replacement bulb.)

    Customer: “Sorry about saying ‘I love you’ earlier.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it, always nice to feel loved.” *hands her bulb and walk her to register*

    Customer: “Great, now my geckos will love you too!”

    Me: “Yay!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (The majority of the customers coming into this shop are from off of the cruise ships and mainly American.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…could you tell me where I am?”

    Me: “Yup, you’re in Canada.”

    Customer: “And where is Canada?”

    Me: “Um, well, if you look at a map, it’s that large country on top of your country.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She looks baffled by this new piece of information and slowly turns around and walks away.)

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Family Loosely Interpreted

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in the video game section of a large retail store. I overhear this couple talking about our selection of video games.)

    Woman: “Why do they sell Grand Theft Auto? This is supposed to be a family friendly store!”

    Husband: “They are family friendly. Some families just have teenagers that like to pretend to steal cars and punch people.”

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