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    You’re An Idi0t

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Language & Words

    (I’ve just handed the customer her credit card receipt.)

    Customer: “Why do they put that diagonal line through the O’s?”

    Me: “To distinguish the zeroes from the O’s.”

    Customer: “But they’re the same thing.”

    Me: “Zero is a number, but O is a letter.”

    Customer: “No, they’re the same thing!”

    Ready, Aim, Equality

    | Texas, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (Note: I work in the firearms department and am female.)

    Me: “Hi! Thank you for call—”

    Male Caller: “I told them to get me firearms, d*** it!”

    Me: “This is the firearms department. How may I—”

    Male Caller: “FIREARMS. FI-URRR-A-HARMS! Ain’t no women in guns. Mens the
    only ones who can know anything ’bout my situation!”

    (Unfortunately, I have become used to this and hand the phone to a nearby male coworker.)

    Coworker: “Yes, sir…uh huh…well, sir for that situation you would have to talk to our ATF compliance associate. Okay…I won’t put you on hold…they are standing right here.”

    (My coworker hands the phone back to me.)

    Me: “Hi, ATF Compliance!”

    Male Caller: *click*

    It’s A Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid World

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Technology

    (I work in one of Australia’s most popular consumer electronics companies. One day, I have an older lady of about 70 years come in to return a digital radio.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I point you in the right direction?”

    Customer: “No, I’m here to return this radio. The world has gone stupid!”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Customer: “I turn the thing on and it says ‘scan channels’! I don’t get any sound!”

    Me: “Did you press the scan button?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I do something stupid like that?”

    Me: “It’s how you get the channels, ma’am. You scan the stations and then just press the ‘next’ button to find what you’re after.”

    Customer: “The world has gone stupid! I’m an educated lady! Why does everything have to be so difficult?”

    Me: “Did you read the manual, ma’am?”

    Customer: “It’s a f***ing radio! I shouldn’t have to read any manuals.”

    (I show the customer exactly what is needed to be done.)

    Customer: “I’m an educated old lady! I shouldn’t have to learn anything new! The world has gone stupid! You’re all a bunch of morons! The world is supposed to be getting easier!”

    Me: “And how is pressing two buttons so difficult, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, how do I tune it then?”

    Me: “As I just showed you ma’am, you press this button.” *points to “scan”* “Then, this button.” *points to “next”* “Keep pressing it until you find the station you want. It’s simple.”

    Customer: “The world is stupid! Things are meant to be getting easier, not harder!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what would you like me to do about it?”

    Customer: “I want a digital radio that works like the old style transistor.”

    Me: “We don’t have those, sorry.”

    Customer: “You do! I saw them there when I bought this piece of garbage.”

    Me: “These ones? These are analogue, not digital.”

    Customer: “How is that my problem?”

    Me: “You can’t pick up the digital channels with these.”

    Customer: “And?”

    Me: “You bought this one because you wanted the digital channels, yes?”

    Customer: “I would have thought that obvious!”

    Me: “Analogue won’t pick up digital. It also isn’t as clear.”

    Customer: “The world has gone stupid! An educated woman like me shouldn’t have to learn anything new!”

    Next customer in line: “Have you ever thought you’re the stupid one lady? Its two f***ing buttons! I’m older than you and I can use one!”

    (She continues to mutter about the world and its stupidity while leaving the store after insisting on a refund.)

    Watch What You Say

    | New York, NY, USA | Top

    (I am the manager on duty for a well-known high-end jewelry store during the weekend.)

    Employee: “You have to come out and see this customer now.”

    Me: “What’s the matter?”

    Employee: “She is becoming belligerent because I told her we have to send her watch to be fixed. She’s causing a scene and other customers are complaining. She is insistent that she needs it now.”

    (I go out to talk to the customer.)

    Me: “Hello, my name is [name]. What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “I have been waiting a f***ing hour! Your stupid representative told me that my watch isn’t working any more; it was working when I walked in!”

    Me: “Let me have a look at it, please.”

    (I proceed to touch her beat down and heavily abused watch and begin winding the crown.)

    Customer: “Do you even know how to work a watch?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have been with (company) for several years. I assure you I can work a crown and pin mechanism on a quartz watch.”

    Customer: “I wasn’t trying to be condescending!”

    Me: “That’s fine.”

    (We proceed to go back and forth for a few minutes. I decide to refund her money and send her on her way. By now, her mood has changed from angry to happy.)

    Customer: “Oh, you’re just so wonderful! You are the absolute best! I am going to write a recommendation letter to your director and put my ‘ESQ’ after my name.” *smugly* “I’m a lawyer, you know.”

    Me: “Oh, I’ve got my own lawyer, thanks. My husband works for [huge NYC law firm].”

    Customer: *stunned* “Uh…I also work for [same firm]. Who is your husband?”

    Me: “He’s in Litigation. His name is [husband's name].”

    (Suddenly, the customer’s jaw drops and all color leaves her face.)

    Customer: “He’s your husband? Um…he supervises all my work.”

    Me: “Does he now? Well, well, what a small world!”

    Customer: “I…uh…am a temp attorney and am trying to get a permanent job at the firm. He is…wow…he’s really smart and brilliant and…um…you are so beautiful and intelligent…you make such an elegant couple!”

    Me: “Thank you. Anyway, here’s my business card should you need to follow up regarding your watch.”

    Customer: “Oh, I know I have a business card somewhere, too.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t you worry; I will most definitely remember your name. I’ll make sure to let my husband know you send your regards.”

    Customer: *turns bright red and slinks away*

    Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

    1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
      An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
    2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
      The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
    3. Doctor Sue:
      Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
    4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
      Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
    5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
      This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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