(I am cleaning up at an office supplies store when a customer walks to the automatic door, about to leave the store.)

Customer: *thrusts hand at door, palm out, as if he’s using
‘the Force’* “Whoosh!”

(The door opens, and he looks back as he exits and sees me looking at him.)

Customer: “Uh, I was just joking…”

Me: “But that door wasn’t even on, sir!”

Customer: *astonished* “Are you serious?”

Me: “Nah, just kidding. Have a nice day, sir!”

Me: “Good morning! What can I help you with today?”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Ma’am, did you need help with something?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I just turned 21 this week.”

Customer: “21, eh? You know what I’m going to tell you next, don’t you?”

Me: “Um, drink more?”

Customer: “No! I was gonna tell you to shave your eyebrows! You look all…natural.”

Me: “Oh…thank you?”

Customer: “A girl your age shouldn’t look natural!”

(I work at a paint-your-own-pottery studio where we fire the ceramics in our own kilns.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get the pottery back?”

Me: “It takes one week, sir.”

Customer: “Well I need my pottery in two days. Can I just take it home and cook it in my oven?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that won’t work. The pottery needs to be fired in a kiln.”

Customer: “But my oven gets really hot.”

Me: “I’m sure it does sir, but it still won’t work.”

Customer: “But you don’t know hot my oven gets. It gets really, really, hot!”

Me: “Well, sir, we fire our pottery at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “The manufacturer.”

Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”

(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)

Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”

Customer: “Coffee?”

Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”

Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly, it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”

Me: “Hi sir, was there anything I could help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering something. Why do all these glasses have the same white circles on the lenses? It’s really unstylish. I’m surprised people like this store!”

Me: “Sir, that’s the reflection of the light on the glasses.”

Customer: “Oh.”