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    Just Not Registering

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (At my store, if a customer swipes their credit or debit card early, it can freeze the entire register. There’s usually a 10-15 second delay after telling the customer the final price and before they can swipe, but for some that’s too long to wait. The EFTPOS machines clearly display ‘PLEASE WAIT’ during the time the customer has to wait.)

    Me: “That will be $42.90. How would you like to pay for that today?”

    Customer: “On my card.”

    Me: “All right, please wait while the computer connects to the EFTPOS machine. I’ll let you know when to swipe.”

    Customer: *ignores me and swipes her card immediately*

    Me: “Please wait until I or the EFTPOS machine asks for your card.”

    Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

    Customer: *swipes her card again*

    Me: “Ma’am, if you swipe early, it freezes the register, taking even longer. It will only be another ten seconds.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve worked in retail before!”

    Me: “I assure you—”

    Customer: *swipes her card again, freezing the register* “This isn’t working!”

    Me: “That’s because the register’s frozen.”

    (I page for a coworker and a manager to come to the registers. The coworker is there right away.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what’s up?”

    Me: “My register’s frozen. Could you please put this lady through yours?”

    Coworker: “Sure.”

    Customer: “But I’m in a hurry!”

    Me: “I’m aware of that, but it will be quicker than waiting for my register to restart.”

    (The customer goes to the register next to me where my coworker has already re-scanned her purchases.)

    Coworker: “That will be $42.90. Please don’t swipe your card until I tell you to, as it can freeze the registers.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m not stupid!”

    (My manager arrives.)

    Manager: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Nothing. I just need you to restart my register for me as it’s frozen.”

    Manager: “How?”

    Me: “Um… EFTPOS swiped too early.”

    Manager: “Didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? Why didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? I’m sick of this; you girls know that if the customer swipes their card early, it will freeze the registers! I’m sick of wasting my time having to restart your registers!”

    Me: “Maybe if we were allowed to face the EFTPOS machines towards us, then the customer wouldn’t be able to swipe early?”

    Manager: “No, that will only slow things down. You have to tell them not to swipe early!”

    (Meanwhile my customer is again trying to swipe her card early right next to me, and my coworker has leaned over the counter with her hand OVER the EFTPOS machine trying to stop her from doing so.)

    Customer: *to manager* “Hey, your girl won’t let me swipe my card!”

    Manager: “You have to wait until she tells you, otherwise it freezes the registers.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Why didn’t anyone tell me that?!”

    Some People Just Don’t Like Change

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Math & Science, Money

    (The customer’s total is $12.84. She hands me a $20 bill. While I’m counting out her change of $7.16, she hands me a quarter.)

    Me: *confused* “Uh, thanks. But that’s not really necessary.”

    (I set the quarter on the counter so she can take it back while I finish gathering her change.)

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. It makes it easier.”

    Me: “Oh, well, I appreciate the intention, ma’am, but it was 84 cents due, so a quarter doesn’t really make a difference. I’d just be handing your quarter right back to you.”

    Customer: *condescending* “Well, I was just trying to make it easier, but if you want to complicate it, that’s up to you.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see how I’m complicating things. I owe you 16 cents. If I take your quarter, I’ll owe you 41 cents, which is just a quarter plus sixteen cents.”

    Customer: “Just give me my change! I was just trying to help you out! You obviously need to go back to school!” *storms out, leaving her quarter on the counter*

    She’s Been Placed On The Blacklist

    | Redlands, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bigotry

    (I am filling out an application at an empty register counter when I see a well-to-do looking customer screaming at one of the employees. The employee looks close to tears.)

    Customer: “Why the f*** can’t I use my coupon? I have a right to this deal. You sent it to my home! I am going to use it now. Take my freaking coupon!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, it only works on Black Friday. It is only Wednesday. It is store policy. There is nothing I can do about it.”

    Customer: “I just saw another woman use the same coupon!”

    Employee: “We sent out similar ones that work for Thanksgiving products like—”

    Customer: “Shut up! I know you are too dumb to understand what I am saying. Giving your people an education is a waste. A monkey could do this job. You n*****s have no right to be here, taking jobs from good people, like that girl right here! She is likely going to starve because you rats keep taking all the good work!”

    (The woman literally drags me over to where they are.)

    Customer: *to me* “Doesn’t it p*** you off that these blacks have their own holiday and excuse us good, Christian white folks? You need a job and I am going to get this girl fired for you!”

    Me: “Let go of me! Are you crazy? No need to be a racist b**** about it. Just because you are racist doesn’t mean she is stupid.”

    Woman: “I am not racist! This colored girl can’t do her job. She is obviously too stupid to work here. She needs to go back to Africa.”

    (At this point, a man who has been standing off to the side marches up to us.)

    Man: *to the customer* “You can leave right now. I am refusing you service.”

    Customer: “You have no right to tell me what to do!”

    Man: “I do. That employee is my wife, and my father owns this store.”

    (As he is saying this, he points up towards a camera. The woman looks up without thinking.)

    Man: “Great, now I have your face for the picture I am going to be posting on all the doors. I hope you like driving to [next town], because you are now banned from this store.”

    Customer: *sulks away, leaving her paid-for purchases*

    Man: *to me* “Would you like some free stuff?”

    Name Changer Is A Game Changer

    | Bellevue, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I work for a nationwide retail company. We do not price match or accept coupons from other stores. The company name is very similar to another company of the same type, and people often get them confused. I ring up a customer’s items and total the sale before she hands me a page of coupons from a similar company’s ad flyer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these coupons are from [other company].”

    Customer: “Well, what is this?”

    (I look down at my apron, which displays my company’s logo.)

    Me: “This is [company name].”

    Customer: *angrily* “Well, it says [other company] out on the sign!”

    (I points to the sign by the street, which is visible from where we are standing.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you that this is [company name].”

    Customer: *shoves coupons back in her purse* “You guys should change your name!”

    Toy Glory

    | MD, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am assistant manager at an adult novelty item store. Two teenage girls approach the counter giggling to themselves. They sheepishly each place a particular kind of adult novelty item on the counter.)

    Me: “Would you ladies also require batteries for your items?”

    Girl #1: “Oh, these don’t come with batteries?”

    Me: “No, it’s typically how the manufacturers of these products save money on production.”

    Girl #1: *giggles* “No, thank you. I’m buying this for a friend.”

    Girl #2: “Yes, me too. I’m also buying this for a friend. She won’t need batteries.”

    (I conclude the purchase with the embarrassed young ladies and begin to assist the next customer, a woman in her late 20s/early 30s.)

    Woman: “Yes, I will be needing batteries because I’m buying this for me!”

    Me: “Can I please shake your hand?”

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