The Facts Of Second Life

| Southern California, USA | Bizarre

(A customer in her 40s approaches me to ask where something is. As I am answering her question, she notices my name tag.)

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize they had to give you names! How nice of them to try and give you more of an identity!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, since you’re a robot and all.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I’m a person. In fact…” *I point to my pregnant belly* “…I’m a person growing ANOTHER person.”

Customer: “No, no, can’t be. That documentary with Bruce Willis said workers were being replaced with robots.”

Me: “…You mean Surrogates?”

Customer: “That’s the one!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was a movie. Didn’t you watch the whole thing?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Just a chunk in the middle I think. It was rather over-dramatic for a documentary, and I just couldn’t get into it. Got the gist of it though! Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you’re a robot. Technology today! WONDERFUL!” *walks away*

Me: *speechless*

Frauds Rush In

| Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

(I’m working the self checkouts at my store when I notice a customer about to walk out the door with unpaid merchandise. I call her out.)

Me: “Miss, there’s a machine over here you can use to pay for those.”

Customer: “But, you see, I’m in a hurry!”

(She realizes she’s making excuses for stealing and glumly walks over to the machine. I watch her closely during the transaction and notice she only scans one of two items.)

Me: “Miss, that product didn’t scan. You’re going to have to try again.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a rush!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy it.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God!” *picks up products to leave without paying*

Me: “But, then you can’t actually take them.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll deal with the stupid machine. But you should really be more considerate of people who are in a rush!”

Taxing Customers, Part 2

| Alabama, USA | Money

Me: “Hello, how are you, sir?”

Customer: “Just this.” *places a magazine on the counter*

Me: “That will be $2.20, please.”

Customer: “There’s tax!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Magazines are taxed.”

Customer: “To h*** with that! I ain’t payin’ no tax!” *stomps off*

Next Customer: *to the first customer* “Well, aren’t you a special snowflake?”

Related:
Taxing Customers

The Prettiest Customer

| Avondale, AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I’m having a bad day as I’ve heard some unfortunate news from a coworker, so my face is a bit somber. A little girl walks up with her parents to my register; her head barely peeks above the counter. I love kids and normally interact with them when I am ringing up the items.)

Little Girl: *softly* “You’re pretty.”

(Unfortunately, I can’t hear her because of the beeping from the register.)

Me: “What was that, sweetie?”

Little Girl: *louder* “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Aww, thank you, sweetie.”

Little Girl: “I hope I am pretty like you when I grow up!”

(My heart has melted by now.)

Me: “You are already the prettiest little girl ever! I know you will keep getting prettier as you get older!”

(I finish the transaction with her parents. As they are slowly walking away, I hear her dad.)

Dad: “That was very nice, honey. What made you say that?”

Little Girl: “Because it is true, and she wasn’t smiling when we walked in. And I wanted to get her to smile!”

(She was right. I was smiling for the rest of my shift!)

Ill-Temper Your Expectations

| Houston, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(My mother needs a new cellphone plan, and I agree to tag along with her. Please note that my mom is in her mid 60s, five feet tall, and incredibly sweet and polite, especially to strangers.)

Sales Rep: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Mom: “Hello! It seems I need to update my cell phone plan, if that’s not too much trouble.”

Sales Rep: “Of course not. I’d be happy to assist you with that. *looks up my mom’s account* “Ah, okay, it looks like we no longer offer your original plan, so let’s go over your new options…”

(Without warning, my mother mutates into a Nightmare Customer from Hades.)

Mom: “I DON’T WANT A NEW PLAN! I LIKED THE OLD PLAN! WHY DON’T YOU OFFER IT ANYMORE?! THIS IS HORRIBLE SERVICE!”

Sales Rep: *visibly startled* “I’m… I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you’ll take a look at our current plans, I’m sure we’ll find you a great deal on something that…”

Mom: “Why are you doing this to me? Your company obviously doesn’t care about its customers! Fix this situation immediately, or I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

(At this point, everyone in the store is staring at us, and the sales rep looks like she may start crying.)

Me: “Mother, what is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?”

Mom: *suddenly herself again* “Oh dear, nothing’s wrong at all! But if a store has a policy you don’t like, what you do is get really mean with the salespeople and take out your aggression on them. Then the salespeople call their corporate headquarters to inform the CEO that a customer is unhappy, and the policy gets changed!”

(She smiles brightly. The store is silent as both customers and employees attempt to process her logic.)

Me: *to the sales rep* “We’ll take this plan right here, and I’ll explain everything else to her in the car…”

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