(Note: I’m an Air Cadet packing bags at a store in return for donations.)

Customer: “So, what are you collecting for?”

Me: “Air Cadets, ma’am.”

Customer: “Army cadets, ‘ay?”

Me: “No, ma’am…Air Cadets.”

Customer: “I used to be an Army Cadet. I loved being on them big old boats.”

Me: “I think you were a Sea Cadet.”

Customer: “Well, anyway, I’ll always donate to the Army Cadets. Stop them d*** Air Cadets from ruling the sea!”

Me: “But ma’am…we fly, not sail.”

Customer: “No, that can’t be right! It was them d*** sea cadets that did that flying business. No, air cadets were the ones who were always crawling through mud.”

Me: “But ma’am, I–”

Customer: “Well, this should give you enough to buy a new sail. I don’t know why I donate so much, you know!” *hands me an old three pence piece*

(A man walks into the smoke shop and looks around at the acrylic bongs.)

Customer: “I’ll take the blue one.”

Me: “No problem.”

(He pays then leaves. About an hour later, he returns looking distressed.)

Customer: “Something’s wrong with this vase you sold me. I bought this vase for my wife for our anniversary. But the roses I bought won’t fit in it!”

Me: “Sir, that is not a vase. It’s a bong.”

Customer: “What?! Why would you sell bongs in a vase shop?! I have a bunch of people coming over and this was going to be the center piece!”

Me: “This is a smoke shop, sir. Not a vase shop. Would you like to return the bong for a refund?”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No. On second thought, I think I’ll find some use for it…”

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get out?”

Me: “The door is right over there, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not opening.”

Me: “It isn’t an automatic door.”

Customer: “So, how do I get out?”

Related:
Why Judgment Day’s Gonna Be A Cakewalk

Me: “Hello, may I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Ah, yes, please. I have no idea what I’m looking for really.”

Me: “What room are you thinking about redecorating?”

Customer: “My bedroom. It’s just so plain boring. I need some action! Action around the bed, you know?”

Me: “Oh…yeah.”

Customer: *pauses* “Wall…on the wall! I meant action on the wall!”

Customer: “Do you have any kid’s shoes?”

Me: *thinking she’s referring to a similar-sounding brand* “Yes. They are right over here.”

Customer: “No, not these. Kid’s shoes!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The youth department is over here.”

Customer: “No, not kid’s, kid’s!”

Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the brand, or kid’s shoes?”

Customer: “Kid’s!”

Me: *showing her the brand* “Is this what you are looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you have them in kid’s?”

Me: “No, we do not have kid’s sizes.

Customer: “I am not looking for kid’s sizes! I am looking for some to fit me!”

Me: *confused* “These are our adult shoes…the youth section is over there.”

Customer: “Do you even know what a kid is?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “A kid is a baby goat! I am looking for shoes made out of baby goat skin!”