November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Let’s Not Do This One More Time

| Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(We have a large flying saucer in the children’s play area. A respectable looking customer comes over to me as I’m stocking shelves nearby.)

Customer: “Excuse me, why is that flying saucer there?”

Me: “Oh, we have that there for the kids to play in while their parents shop.”

Customer: “No, I mean what is it doing on the ground?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well it’s not called a flying saucer for nothing; it should be flying!”

Me: “Well, I—”

Customer: *singing* “Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy!”

The Need To Be Shirty

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

(Our manager is just about to clock out, when he notices a young man in his late teens looking around nervously and acting jittery. The young man goes into the fitting room carrying a $5 t-shirt, and then comes out with an obvious bulge in his pocket.)

Manager: “Excuse me, young man. What do you have in your pocket?”

Young Man: “I ain’t got nothin’ man. I don’t know what you talkin’ bout.”

Manager: “Okay, sir. How about you walk back with me to the fitting room, and we see about that t-shirt you just took in there.”

Young Man: “I ain’t done nothin’ man.”

(The young man takes off, practically racing our manager to the fitting room in an attempt to remove the shirt from his pocket. He has misjudged our manager and is caught.)

Manager: “Alright, we are going to take you back to my office and call the police.”

Young Man: “No man, I’ll pay for it! Just let me pay for it!”

Manager: “No, sir! I asked you what you had. I gave you a chance to come clean. You lied to me. We are calling the police!”

Young Man: “Man, just let me pay for it?!”

(Our manager is infuriated by having the kid lie to him, then having to chase him to the fitting room, and at having to stay an extra hour after his scheduled time to take care of this kid; so he cuffs him. One of my co-workers has a front row seat for the entire exchange. All she can do is laugh, because this stupid boy just got himself into a whole world of trouble over a $5 t-shirt.)

No Need To Be Shirty

Two Is The Moan-iest Number

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am a cashier working at a large department store. A customer comes up to my register holding a jersey with a large ‘2’ on it.)

Customer: “Hey, I want one of these jerseys, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you got this out of clearance, right? We don’t carry back stock for anything in clearance. If you didn’t see a ‘1’ jersey while you were there, we probably don’t have one, sorry.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir; we don’t have one right now.”

Customer: “I want a ‘1’ jersey! It’s my birthday; I want to be number one, not two!”

Me: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. Two, can be as bad as one. It’s the loneliest number since the number one.”

Customer: “…okay.”

(Surprisingly, after hearing this the customer buys the ‘2’ jersey.)

Manager: “Did that just happen?”

Drastic Plastic

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(A shopper walks by with a cart full of cups, plastic silverware, and paper plates.)

Me: “Hey! How are you? Throwing a party?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I just don’t believe in washing dishes.”

Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a cashier at a sports store. A customer comes up with just a few items, one being a small shoebox. I open the box and there are two dirty old kid’s shoes inside.)

Customer: “Oh, my son has them on; he’s somewhere else in the store.”

Me: “I just need to see the shoes before I ring them up, and make sure they are right.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(He calls his son—who is standing ducked behind the candy aisle—over.)

Customer: “Here!”

(He cheerfully points at his son.)

Me: “I have to see them up-close.”

(He picks his son up and holds his feet out.)

Customer: “See?”

Me: “Can I get one of those?”

Customer: “Sure?”

(He’s not smiling as much now, and pops one of the shoes off.I check the shoe. It’s the same brand, same size, but different style number.)

Me: “Oh, you’ve got the wrong shoe. Are these the ones you want? I can call for the right box.”

(He puts on a big show of arm movements and smacking his forehead.)

Customer: “Aww buddy! We got the wrong shoes! We got the wrong shoes, buddy. We’ll be right back.”

(He takes back the box. I wait for a while, holding his other items. I call the shoe department to tell them about the man, and find out the box was for a much cheaper pair of kid’s shoes. I let my manager know, and she heads off after him. When the man returns, I am alone.)

Customer: “Here we go!”

(I check the box: same brand and style number. I nod, smile, and ring them up. My manager walks up, not smiling at all, and holds out another box.)

Manager: “You wanted this too, right?”

(He looks rather wide-eyed and quiet. He suddenly smiles and takes the box, nodding.)

Customer: “Yeah, right! I lost this, thank you! I was going to ask for it. Haha.”

(I ring up the box and the man leaves with his son. My manager says she followed my tip and found him putting on some adult shoes himself, determined to get a free pair. She just brought up the box for the shoes he was going to steal.)