It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

| Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

Customer: “BELT!”

(He hands me his belt.)

Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

Customer: “SWIPE!”

(He swipes his card.)

Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

Customer: “RECEIPT!”

(I give him his receipt.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

This Deal’s A Steal, Because It Ain’t For Real

| Adelaide, Australia | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “Hello, my sister just bought this item at one of your other stores, and it was much cheaper. Here it’s $49, but she got hers for $20. You should do this for the same price.”

Me: “Hmm, that’s odd. All stores should have the same sales, and that item is already on a very good special. I don’t think it would go for $20. But I will check with the store to see if this was on special there, and if it is we can do it for the same price. Which store did your sister go to? I’ll call them now.”

Customer: “Oh, here…I’ll call my sister, and she’ll tell you that she got it cheaper!”

Me: “I actually need to call the store she was at and speak to a staff member who can check for me. Your sister can tell me the price, but I can’t authorise a price override just from talking to another customer. I need to speak to the other store.”

(The customer ignores me and dials her sister anyway. She speaks to her in another language for a while, then hands the phone to me.)

Me: “Hi, this is [name] from [store]. Your sister tells me you got a [item] for a discounted price?”

Customer’s Sister: “Yes, I got it for $20 at another store today.”

Me: “Okay, that’s great, but I’m going to have to call that store to check. Which one did you go to?”

Customer’s Sister: “Uh…the [suburb] store.”

Me: “Oh? That’s very interesting, since they closed down three and a half years ago. Thanks for your time!”

Customer: *quickly leaves without her item*

Distresses Over Mistresses

| Iowa, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am 21 and work at a sporting goods store. We have two stores, and the company is family owned; the owner has an office just upstairs. He’s wealthy, in his forties and happily married with three kids. I’m helping a customer with a special order.)

Me: “Okay, that should do it! It usually takes about two weeks for a special order to be delivered. I’ll give you a call when they come in.”

Customer: “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Thank you. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

Customer: “You should marry [company owner]. He’s rich.”

Me: “Um. Well. He’s too old for me, I think. And he’s already got a wife.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, you’re younger than her.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think he wants a younger wife. I think he’s happy with the one he has.”

Customer: “Come now. All girls want a rich husband. Don’t you want a rich husband?”

Me: “I’ve got career plans of my own, actually. This job is just putting me through college. I think I’ll manage.”

Customer: “Some people have no ambition!” *walks away*

Keep Calm And Cop On

| USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(We have one female coworker on our shift, and despite the fact that we’re all more physically intimidating than she is, we usually will let her handle aggressive customers because she tends to freak them out. Not only is she a calm person, but she can’t read body language and therefore doesn’t respond to menacing behavior. Note: she’s also one of the smallest people working in the store.)

Customer: *barges up to the counter* “You f***ing people sold me some piece of s*** equipment that doesn’t f***ing work!”

Female Coworker: *blank stare* “I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t f***ing work! What, do you got cotton in your ears, little girl?”

Female Coworker: *dead pan* “You did indicate that the device is not working, sir. I was asking for clarification.”

Customer: *uneasy* “Well it ain’t…downloadin’ stuff like it’s s’posed to.”

Female Coworker: *holds out her hand* “May I?”

(She examines the device for a moment, then turns it off and opens the back of it.)

Female Coworker: “Sir, how long have you had this device?”

Customer: “Six weeks.”

Female Coworker: “…and in that time, how much exposure to water or other liquid has it had?”

Customer: *leans in and gets in her face* “Don’t you DARE try to blame this on me, you f***ing b***! You little godd*** c***! This is all your fault I know you sold me a faulty device! You will fix it or give me my money back, because I didn’t do s***!”

Female Coworker: *smiling calmly* “Sir, did you perhaps drop it in the snow last week?”

Customer: “What the f***’s that got to do with anything?”

Female Coworker: *hands him the device* “When you can answer that, I’m sure anyone here will be happy to help you. However, as the device has been compromised and not by a factory defect, I’m afraid I cannot help you at this time.”

(Surprisingly, the customer returned a week later, and very sheepishly apologized for his behavior. On that same occasion, another customer with less self control tried to take a swing at my female coworker. We were delighted to discover the first customer was in fact a cop, and got to watch the other guy get arrested in the middle of the store.)

Who Needs Enemies When You’ve Got Bricks

| New Hampshire, USA | Money, Top

(Note: our store sells kitchen supplies, including a very popular brand of glass cookware made in USA. Usually the covers are sold separately from the actual cooking dishes, but we are having a special on display where you get a set of two dishes and their covers for 20 dollars. Not long after we open up for the day, two elderly customers walk in and look at the display.)

Customer: “Where is this made?”

Me: “In the United States, ma’am.”

Customer: “$3.99, huh? I’ll take this set. Can you carry it to the register for me?”

Me: “Actually, that set is $20. If you still want it, I would be happy to carry it to he register for you.”

Customer: “No! The sticker says it’s $3.99!”

Me: “That’s how much the lid costs on its own. If you turn the dish over, you will see it also has its own tag, as does the smaller dish nested inside it.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How am I supposed to now how much this set costs?!”

(There is a bright red sign that says the price of the set sitting on the table. It’s literally right in front of her face)

Me: “It’s on the sign right there, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t look at signs! I look at the product! This is false advertising! It’s fraud! You are a liar!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not—”

Customer: “My friend bought this set for $3.99 yesterday. You don’t know that you’re talking about!”

Me: “Ma’am, this set has never been, nor will it ever be $3.99. If your friend did receive it for $3.99, she was grossly undercharged by one of my coworkers.”

Customer: “If it doesn’t cost $3.99, then the sticker shouldn’t be on there. You should take all the stickers off! No one looks at the stupid signs. They look at the product!”

(The customer storms out of the store, almost knocking over a display of plastic floral dishes. I can see her outside the store windows ranting to a a group of younger people that I assume are her grandchildren. Meanwhile, her friend is still in the store. She picks up a mixing bowl set and brings it to the register.)

Customer’s Friend: *smiling* “Don’t mind her, dear. She’s always been as dumb as a f***ing brick.”

(I was speechless and she left the store before I could respond. She’s my new hero!)

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