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    Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

    Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

    (She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

    Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

    Self-Fulfilling Animosity

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

    Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

    Me: “$22.”

    Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

    Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

    Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

    Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

    Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

    Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

    Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

    Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

    Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

    Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

    Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

    Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

    Customer: “But I paid for it!”

    Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

    Customer: “But I paid for it!”

    Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

    Customer: “That is so useless!”

    Role-play In Everyday Life

    | Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

    Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

    Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

    (We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

    Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

    (I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

    Me: “I…uh…”

    Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

    Introducing The Dumbbook Pro

    | Connecticut, USA | Technology

    (Note: A new operating system has just come out for our computers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wanted to get the new OS but I’m having some trouble. It gives me an error when try to download it from the App Store.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of error is it giving? Are you running version 10.6?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just won’t let me get it. I don’t know why.”

    Me: “How old is the computer?”

    Customer: “A couple years.”

    Me: “That’s strange. You should be able to get it. You might want to bring the computer in to have us take a look. What kind of computer is it?”

    Customer: “A Dell.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s a Dell. I got it a couple if years ago. It’s running Windows XP.”

    Me: “Ah. Well, unfortunately, the new OS is Mac OS X. You would need a Mac to be able to run it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s really inconvenient!”


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