After finishing a document for a newspaper ad for an alkaline water brand we’re working on, I asked the client to which newspaper I should send the files. This was his response: 

Client: “What? The f*** if I know! Just send it already; we’re running late.”

Me: “I need to know where I’m supposed to send this. I don’t know which newspaper you hired to advertise your product.”

Client: “I told you already! Don’t start with this crap now. Just send the same email to every d*** newspaper in town; the one we hired will know.”

He then took off, telling us to get some drinks with him at a rave party on the weekend.

I work for an Apple reseller in the distant past. A woman buys an iMac from me. She is brand new to Apple products, so I spend some time showing her how everything works and explaining that the iMac is great for space saving as it doesn’t have a big box you have to find a place for.

She buys it and then returns with it a few hours later.

Customer: *Pretty irate* “You forgot to give me the rest of the computer. You only gave me the screen!”

Whenever I sold an iMac from then on, I repeated the fact that there was no box many, many times.

Related:
All-In-Wonder

I’m buying a couch from a big box store. As I’m checking out, I also grab a bag of candy.

Me: “Excuse me. It scanned for $1,200, but it was on sale for $1,000.”

Clerk: “Which item?”

Me: “Not the licorice.”

I work in a pool supply store. One day, while I was doing an analysis of a water sample for one customer, a particularly chemically illiterate gentleman elbowed his way in to ask:

Customer: “Where do you keep the stuff that will remove all the oxygen from water so algae can’t grow in it?”

Me: “We don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No such chemical exists within our walls.”

Customer: “Can you order something?”

Me: “No, it’s not something that I think exists, at least for regular people like you and me.”

Customer: “That’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, H2O minus the O equals H2.”

Customer: “Well, that’s perfect!”

Me: “No, that’s Hindenburg.”

He decided to see if our competitor down the street would have such a product.

Related:
H2-Slow, Part 24
H2-Slow, Part 23
H2-Slow, Part 22
H2-Slow, Part 21
H2-Slow, Part 20

The company I work for has a group of employees with disabilities. [Coworker] is part of this group. I love working with him. He tells the best jokes and always greets people with a smile.

I was helping [Coworker] stock a shelf when a woman came plowing through with a cart. She clipped [Coworker] in the heel and only stopped to take an item from his hand. When she decided she didn’t want it, she put it on the wrong shelf.

Customer: “When will you start stocking [item]?”

Coworker: “I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “Ugh.” *To me* “You don’t look r*****ed.”

Me: *Blank stare*

Customer: “When will you start stocking [item]?”

Me: *Blank stare*

Customer: “What? Are you mad because I hurt his feelings? Do you think he even knows?”

Me: *Blank stare*

Customer: “Did I hurt your feelings, buddy?”

[Coworker] mimicked my stare. The customer started getting uneasy, looking back and forth between us.

Customer: “Well… if he had answered… I wouldn’t have said that, but… You know he’s not all there… STOP STARING AT ME AND SAY SOMETHING!”

We continued to stare at the woman without saying anything.

Customer: “Oh, my God! You’re both crazy!”

The woman left her cart and walked out of the store. Once she was out the door, we broke and laughed until we were nearly in tears. We checked [Coworker]’s heel, but it was unharmed.

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