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    Don’t Be A Data Hater

    | Gera, Germany |

    Customer: “May I ask you something?”

    Me: “Of course. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve got some dirty DVDs. How could I clean them?”

    Me: “You should use a very soft towel with warm water. Don’t use too much. After cleaning, you polish the disks. That should work.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? I could smear everything!”

    Me: “No, the dirt will go away.”

    Customer: “Not the dirt. The data!”

    Reason For Refund Holds Water

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “I’d like to return this hat. It didn’t meet my expectations.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t return this for you. The hat is wet.”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t call it wet. That’s a bit presumptuous of you, isn’t it?”

    Me: “I don’t think it is. It’s wet.”

    Customer: “And where does it say in your returns policy that all items must be dry?”

    27 Stresses

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Top

    (It is prom season. We have a lot of girls coming in to try on dresses. Three girls have been trying on heaps of dresses. They finally select the ones they want.)

    Me: “I see you’ve made your final selection! If you just bring them to the register, I’ll be happy to ring you up.”

    (Their mother walks over.)

    Mother: “Oh, what lovely dresses!”

    Girl: “Yeah. We had to go through a lot of dresses before we found anything decent.”

    (The mother gets a weird look on her face.)

    Mother, to me: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Mother: “Are those the dressing rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Mother: “Do you mind if I run in there for a minute?”

    Me: “Go ahead!”

    (The mother walks in, and sees all the dresses on the floor of the dressing rooms. She comes out fuming.)

    Mother: “You girls march right in there, pick up every dress, and hang them back up! Right now!”

    Girl: “Why? It’s her job!”

    Mother: “I did not raise a bunch of pigs! Get in there now, or you won’t be going to prom!”

    Demagnetized But Still Attracting Idiots

    | Cranberry Township, PA, USA |

    (I run a credit card through and my register can’t read it. I try a few times to be sure. The customer looks concerned, so I feel compelled to explain.)

    Me: “It looks like we’re having some issues reading the card. I’ll just enter the numbers manually.”

    Customer: What do you mean?

    Me: “Sometimes cards can be demagnetized or worn. We then have to enter their numbers manually.”

    Customer: “Demagnetized?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *scoffing* “Well, I know my card works!”

    Me: “It may have just been demagnetized, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well of course it was demagnetized! I would make sure it was!”

    (The customer remains adamant that her card was demagnetized. She is mistaking the meaning of the word for some sort of card activation. Manually entering the number worked, so I just played along.)

    A Tale Of Two Stores

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    (I sometimes cover shifts in another store in our region. A customer had come in on one of my shifts at the other store. She was mad because we didn’t stock her size in a pair of pants and I had been unable to find another pair in our stock room. She now comes into my normal store the next day.)

    Customer: “Do you have these pants in [size]?”

    Me: “I can look it up in our system for you.”

    Customer: “That’s what the girl at [other store] did. She was so rude and lazy!”

    Me: “Was she?”

    Customer: “Yes! She said she had them, and then couldn’t find them. She was a real cow.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, our system is often wrong. I did the best I could to find the pants for you the other day. I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

    (The customer then realizes who she’s talking to. She is speechless.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t carry the pants in [size] in this particular store either. So sorry I couldn’t find them again.”

    (The customer leaves without a word.)


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