October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

One Good Deed Deserve A Blogger

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Hi, I was just in to get my vacuum tuned up a couple months prior. However, my roller brush stopped working.”

(I confirm it’s been less than three months, and upon inspection of the vacuum realize it’s likely a production error. Business is slow, so I fix her vacuum on the spot, all the while joking with her and her daughter. Here’s what happens after I finish.)

Customer: “What do I owe you?”

Me: “Nothing. It was a bad part, so it’s on me.”

Customer: “But I have to pay something! I thought you were going to stick it in back and call me next week!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s cool. It was a bad part issue, so I’m happy to make it right. Tell you what: tell your friends I was nice to you and we’ll call it even. I can just see it now: ‘Yeah, the guy at the Roseville store was super nice to me! He’s a total muppet, but he’s really good at his job!.'”

Customer: “I’ll do you better than that. I have a blog that I write and people pay $200 to advertise on it.” *she takes my business card* “Is this you?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Customer: “Okay, go to this blog (Google cached, Ed.) in a couple days. I’m going to write all about how [my name] the muppet took care of me and how everyone in town needs to come see you.”

Me: “That’d be great. You ladies have a great rest of your weekend.”

(A couple days later, I check the blog (Google cached, Ed.). There’s a lengthy write up explaining how I personally am one of the main reasons our brand is better than our next major competitor. Our store location is mentioned as is my name. She even included a picture of one of the muppets and darned if he doesn’t look like me! The best part? Home office got wind of it and the CEO emailed my District Manager asking that she please tell me how proud he is of me.)

Shatter-Resistant, Not Idiot-Resistant

| ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

Customer #1: “Hey, these bowls say shatter-resistant… that means that don’t break, right?”

Me: “Well, it doesn’t mean they don’t break. ‘Shatter-resistant’ just means they’re much harder to break.”

Customer #1: “Huh… that’s really neat.”

(Customer #1 and #2 seem fascinated by shatter-resistant bowls, and thus begin to experiment. They begin to tap the bowls, nicking the bowls with their finger. One even starts to lightly bang it on the shelf. Then Customer #1 nods to Customer #2, and then SUMO SLAMS the bowl at full force into the ground, shattering the bowl to pieces.)

Customer #1: “Wha… why did the bowl break?”

Me: “As I said, the bowls were shatter-resistant not shatter-proof.”

Customer #2: “But they broke!” *to Customer #1* “That’s false advertisement.”

Customer #1: “Yeah! That’s false advertisement! I want my money back.”

Me: “Um, you didn’t buy anything, though.”

Customer #1: “So! That’s false advertisement! I demand my money back or to talk to your manager.”

(I decide at this point that I doubt these customers will even listen to me, so I call down my manager.)

Manager: “Hello there. How may I help you today?”

Customer #1: “These bowls say they are shatter-resistant, but they still broke when I dropped it on the ground! That means it’s false advertisement.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but shatter resistant means it’s harder to break. It does not mean it’s shatter proof.”

Customer #1: “Well, I want my money back for this worthless product.”

Manager: “Well, we can do that if you have your receipt.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I didn’t buy any of them yet.”

Customer #2: “But it’s false advertisement. She deserves her money back.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I cannot refund you your money if you didn’t buy anything.”

Customer #1: “But it’s false advertisement! I want my money back.”

Manager: “Again, I can’t refund you your money if you didn’t buy anything…”

(These two customers went back and forth with my manager for at least a half hour. My manager had security escort them out because they began to break more bowls to prove their point!)

Closing Down But Lifting Up

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The company I work for is going out of business, and it is my final day working. I’ve been chatting with a customer about how hard finding a new job is as I ring her up.)

Customer: “Well, thank you. We’re off to Starbucks now.”

Me: “Oh, I love Starbucks.”

Customer: “Really? Would you like me to bring you something?”

Me: “I… what?”

Customer: “Yeah, what would you like? I have a gift card so it’s not a problem.”

Me: “The closest one is fifteen minutes away.”

Customer: “I know. What would you like?”

Me: “Um… a caramel mocha?”

Customer: “Grande or venti?”

Me: “A… grande is good. Thank you.”

Customer: “It’s not a problem. Caramel mocha. I’ll be back with it soon.”

(True to her word, she was back later with the coffee. I’ve not had any luck in the job search yet, but her bringing me a free coffee on my last day really made me smile.)

Phone-y Claim

| Norway | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

(A young couple known for having drug problems regularly hangs out at our store. One day, the girl is so high she trips over her own feet and falls outside our door. Her boyfriend makes a huge fuss and claim we have to pay for it because she ruined it at our property. We check with our main office and discover we have no legal duty to pay her. A few weeks pass before they show up at our store again.)

Me: “Welcome to [store], how can I help you?”

Girl: “Don’t you remember me? I fell outside of here. It’s your store’s fault because the ground was uneven. That’s dangerous.”

(The ground outside was fine, and had been when she fell, but I didn’t want to argue.)

Me: “Oh, yes, I remember that, I hope you feel better from that fall.”

Girl: “Well, my phone got broken.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

Girl: “It’s your store’s fault it got broken. You should pay up so I can buy a new one.”

Me: “How is it broken?”

Girl: “The screen is broken and nothing works. I can’t read messages or take calls or anything. It’s just ruined.”

Me: “Well, here’s the address to the main office, you can mail them and make your claim.”

Girl: “No. I need the cash.”

Me: “I can’t give out cash for a broken phone I haven’t seen, for a price I don’t even know is legit.”

(The girl grumbles and cusses for a while, but agrees to write up a claim to send. Meanwhile, her phone starts to ring and she answers it, talking to her boyfriend.)

Me: “Was that the ruined phone?”

Girl: “Yes, look at that crack!”

(She shows me a small hairline crack at the side, but it’s otherwise functioning properly.)

Me: “You said it couldn’t even make phone calls.”

Girl: *turns a pale and walks out without a word*

(Thankfully, we never saw her again.)

A Cleaner With A Dirty Attitude

| MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The store that I work at tunes up vacuum cleaners for customers. The policy is that we service the machines on a first come, first serve basis and any use of a non-commercial model voids the warranty. A customer comes in to pick up her vacuum.)

Customer: “What the f*** took you people so long! And what the f*** makes you think I’m going to pay for this s***?! My machine is still under warranty! I’m not paying for s***! You motherf****ers can kiss my a** if you think I am!”

Me: “Ma’am, please stop swearing at me. I haven’t cursed at you, and I’ll ask you to extend me the same courtesy.”

Customer: “F*** you! I’m not swearing! And even if I was, I have a right! It took you f***ing forever to get me this f***ing machine, and I need it for my business!”

Me: “Ma’am, in the first place all machines are serviced on a first come first serve basis and we actually got your machine back two days earlier than promised. In the second place, you’ve just admitted that you use it in your business and the warranty clearly states that use of that machine for commercial purposes voids the warranty. So, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to request that you pay for all service done before I release the machine to you.”

Customer: “F*** you! I shouldn’t have to wait! I spend money here! Everyone knows that if you spend money you get to go first! And I’m not paying for s***! I clean nice houses with this machine! It’s not like I’m working down in some n**** neighborhood cleaning rent assistance places because those f***ing crack w****s don’t know how to pick up after themselves!”

(She then stands in the middle of the store screaming the f-word at me repeatedly. When she finally pauses for breath, another customer who has been waiting her turn gets her attention.)

Other Customer: “Excuse me. Did I hear you say you clean houses for a living?”

Customer: “Yeah, I clean nice houses. Why?”

Other Customer: “Do you have any business cards? I’ve been looking for a service and several of my friends have too.”

(The first customer gives me a smug look and hands the other customer several cards, which she examines and tucks in her purse.)

Other Customer: “Thank you. I just wanted to make sure no one I knew hired you by mistake. Now pay for your repairs before I call the police and tell them there’s a crazy person going berserk in the vacuum store.”

(The first customer pays, calls me several more choice names and leaves. When I ring up the other customer who told her off, I somehow manage to ‘accidentally’ hit the warranty key on all her repairs, and send her home with a couple of the homemade cookies I had made for my coworkers.)

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