Customer: “I bought one of your bath balls with the confetti in it. It never dissolved and it just left a mess.”
(He points to a bath ball with confetti.)
Me: “We’ve never had a problem with that ball before, but I’ll keep that in mind. I would be happy to give you one without confetti for free so you can enjoy our products.”
Customer: “Oh no, that’s not necessary. I just wanted to tell you guys about it so you can warn other people.”
Me: “Thank you, I’ll definitely let everybody know about that.”
Customer: “Yeah, you should! I mean, now I have confetti all over my house. On my floor, my carpet, my bed, even my couch and living room!”
Me: “Wow, sounds like you had a lot of confetti!”
Customer: “I did! It even got lodged in places.”
Me: “Lodged in places?”
Customer: “Yeah crevices, my crevices! I mean I have to dig it out of places. Anyway, I just came by to warn you guys.”
(He starts heading out, and as he reaches the door he turns around.)
Customer: “BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR CREVICES, GIRLS!”
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2,876 Thumbs Up!)
Retail | Newfoundland, Canada |
Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”
Customer: “Yes, yes. Sure is busy here.”
Me: “I guess that’s because of the season, ma’am. Everyone’s out getting last-minute holiday gifts.”
Customer: “Oh, I see, yes. I haven’t needed to buy any gifts for a while. Everyone I love is dead.”
Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!”
Customer: *stares at me intently* “Someday, everyone you love will be dead, too.”
Me: “Uh…”
Customer: “Merry Christmas, now!”
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3,662 Thumbs Up!)
Retail | Morristown, TN, USA |
(A customer comes in with a friend to translate for her, since she does not speak very good English.)
Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”
Customer: “Hello. You remember me?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t. I see a lot of people every day.”
Customer: “Well, you remember my daughter, right?”
Me: “No, I don’t…sorry. Is she with you?”
Customer: “No, but you two would look good together!”
Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, but I’m engaged.”
Customer: “You gay? I sorry! Sorry!”
Customer’s friend: *translating* “No, he said engaged.”
Customer: “Oh, you getting married. Well she no care if you married. She very pretty, and tall!”
Related:
Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers
Also seen on: Not Always Romantic
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2,453 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Hey there, can I help you out?”
Customer: “Were these products on Oprah?”
Me: “Yes, they’ve been featured.”
Customer: “Celebrities use them, right? So they must be really expensive…like $500 a pop or something, right?”
Me: “No, not at all. This one here only costs $40 before tax, and none of the products exceed $150.”
Customer: “So, when the celebrities buy them, they only cost $40?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “And when regular people buy them, they only cost $40?”
Me: “Yes.”
(A moment of silence passes as the customer glares at me.)
Customer: “COMMUNIST!”
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4,058 Thumbs Up!)
(An elderly customer approaches me while I make the rounds at the computer store.)
Customer: “Hello, young man! I would like one of those things…” *points to a laptop on display*
Me: “Sure thing! I have a couple of questions. What do you think you will mainly use it for?”
Customer: “Oh, I want to send screen mail.”
Me: “You mean email?”
Customer: “No! Screen mail!”
(Just as she says this, my supervisor walks up.)
Supervisor: “Oh, screen mail!”
Customer: “Yes, see? This young fellow gets it!”
(My supervisor points to a deli across the street)
Supervisor: “They sell screen mail over there.”
(She leaves and promptly returns after 20 minutes.)
Customer: “Thank you!” *holds up a bag of potato chips* “I got them!”
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3,665 Thumbs Up!)
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