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    Aging Is A Zero Sum Game

    | Quebec City, Quebec, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (Our store has an aisle with toys as well as celebration stuff for birthdays, including candles for birthday cakes. I am filling up this aisle when a lady in her late 50′s comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you carry candles that are numbers?”

    Me: “Yes, let me show you.”

    (I show her the candles we have, from 0 to 9.)

    Customer: “Oh, they don’t carry 55. My husband is going to be 55.”

    (I think she’s joking, and laugh a little.)

    Me: “Well, you can just buy two 5′s, and that’ll make 55.”

    Customer: *disgusted* “I don’t know why they hired you!” *leaves without buying anything*

    Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

    Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

    Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

    Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

    Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

    Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

    Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Jacka**!”

    The Year Of Spending Dangerously

    | Utah, USA | At The Checkout

    Me: “Since you’re using a credit card, I need to see your ID, please.”

    Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we ask for ID for your safety.”

    Customer: *getting agitated* “Well, I don’t want to be safe, so just knock it off already!”

    Time For A Can Of Womb-A**

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I’m seven months pregnant and am working the checkout.)

    Customer: “Oh, you’re pregnant! It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, she is.”

    Customer: “I could tell. Girls take all the beauty away from their mothers.”

    An Injeaneous Idea

    | Hingham, MA, USA |

    (I work at the customer service desk at a large chain retail store that sells a lot of clothing. An elderly man approaches me looking rather distressed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a shoplifting incident in your store.”

    Me: “Oh, okay; it happens sometimes. Can you show me where?”

    (He takes me to the junior’s section and leads me to a rack of distressed jeans.)

    Customer: “See! Someone replaced a whole rack of jeans with their old, ratty ones! The nerve of people these days!”

    Me: “Sir, I appreciate your concern, but we are actually selling those jeans; they’re currently in style. That’s how they’re supposed to be.”

    Customer: “You’re selling used jeans?!”

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