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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Light On The Brain Cells

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School

    (I am working in the office supplies section in late July.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have any more of these pencil boxes?”

    Me: “Right over here.” *points*

    Customer: “Great. I need 29 more. I’m a first grade teacher.”

    Me: “That’s nice of you.”

    Customer: “There’s only five left in the blue.”

    Me: “I apologize, but we do have 20 black ones left. Except for the color, they are identical.”

    Customer: “I can’t get black for first graders. It will scare them.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, you can try the back to school area, but I doubt they’ll have more than one or two blue left. You’ll have to keep coming back throughout the summer to get 29 more in the blue.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *scoots off to school section*

    (Not 15 minutes later, the customer is back putting black cases in her cart.)

    Me: “I see you decided to get the black ones after all; excellent choice.”

    Customer: “I know. Now I have to cover them in stickers so the children won’t be scared!”

    Should Have Kept A Record Of The Record

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working in the music section of a department store.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a song, but I don’t know who it’s by.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Do you remember how it goes or any of the lyrics?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Was it a male or female singer?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What type of music was it? Fast, slow, rock, etc?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Do you remember anything about the song?”

    Customer: “I think it had an ‘A’ somewhere in it.”

    In The Pubic Eye

    | Singapore | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a underwear store that sells both female and male underwear and sleepwear. I’m a female and the customer is a male. The shop is quite small.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome. How can I assist you?”

    Customer: “Er, do you have any new pyjama shorts?” *points at the ladies section*

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any new stock currently. Is there something else you would like to buy?”

    Customer: “What about the panties?”

    Me: “Oh, yes. We have new stocks for those; they just came in yesterday. They are all there.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, they are new! What size do you think I’m wearing?”

    Me: *already in a state of shock* “Oh, I think if it was you a size ‘M’ would be alright.”

    Customer: “But I was previously wearing size ‘S’!”

    (He pulls down his pants and “shows” me. Some things you can never unsee.)

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    The Gift Card That Keeps Giving

    | Greeley, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Holidays, Money, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working the register over Christmas.)

    Me: “Find everything today?”

    Customer: “Yup.”

    (Note: she is silent through the transaction, which includes a gift card.)

    Me: “How much would you like on this?”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry. Can I have $150?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    Customer: *after paying* “Can you do me a favor?” *she hands me the gift card* “The next customer you see that you think could use this, could you give it to them?”

    Me: *stunned* “…Of course!”

    (After a minute another customer comes up, a visibly upset young woman.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you?”

    Customer #2: “I’m okay, thanks.”

    (Clearly she is not ok, but she is trying very hard to be pleasant. She is getting very basic items: milk, bread, eggs, etc. Nothing very festive.)

    Me: “So your total comes out to $0.00.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The person before you gave me a $150 gift card to use for the next person I thought could use it. You look like you’re having a rough day, so here are your groceries, and there’s about $130 left on this card.”

    (The customer just started crying. Once she could, she thanked me about 100 times. Made my whole Christmas season.)

    Got The Fraud On The Phoney

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work at a call center for an online store. My job includes fraud prevention. If a caller dials in to place an order that seems out of place, I let my manager know. This is one of those times.)

    Me: “So, I’ve got a customer on the line here that uh… placed an order for a really expensive product. Expedited shipping. They want a tracking number for it. I’m not liking this.”

    Manager: “Do the billing and shipping match?”

    Me: “Nope. Completely different states, too.”

    Manager: “Hmm… did they order anything before?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah! They placed [order].”

    (After a few minutes of silent research…)

    Manager: *smiling* “Transfer them to me.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    (He puts it on speaker.)

    Manager: “Thank you for holding. This is [Manager], manager in charge. How can I help you?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah, I’m pretty mad at you guys right now. Been waitin’ for twenty godd*** minutes for a single trackin’ number! The last associate that talked to me is an incompetent b****!”

    Manager: “Oh, well, I’m sorry to hear about that, sir. You mentioned that you were looking for a tracking number, is that right?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah! And while you’re at it just fire the last b**** I spoke to! She’s f***ing useless as h***!”

    Manager: “It’s going to be a few moments while I pull up the number. But how’re you doing?”

    Fraudster: “Well… now I’m doing good. You know what you’re doing, unlike that—”

    Manager: “That’s good to hear. Glad you’re not feeling guilty or anything.”

    Fraudster: “For… what?”

    Manager: “For the fraud orders you’ve been placing on our website.”

    Fraudster: “Uh…”

    Manager: “I’ll be honest with you: I know what you’re doing. I’ve known for a couple of weeks now. So, tell me, how many cards have you stolen?”

    Fraudster: *scared* “Ju-just two—”

    Manager: “Hmm, okay. Well, I work pretty close with [other state’s police department]. So, I’m gonna give you two choices. You can either turn yourself in like the good guy I’m sure you are. Or you can just sit there while I have them down there in a few hours, embarrassing you and your family.”

    Fraudster: “O-oh, God. L-look, I—”

    Manager: “I’ve got them on speed dial.”

    Fraudster: “I’ll turn myself in!”

    Manager: *extremely cheerful* “Oh, good. Now, what time should they expect you so I can let them know?”

    Fraudster: “T-ten o’clock in the mornin’.”

    Manager: “They’ll be waiting. Have yourself a good day, sir.”

    (And yes, he did turn himself in!)

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