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    Wait In Line, Parish The Thought

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    (A customer comes up to the front of a long checkout line.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you have to go to the back of the line or go to another line to purchase. There is already a line here.”

    Customer: “I have to checkout now! I have to go to church in 5 minutes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to wait. You could also come back and get your toy after your service.”

    Customer: “I have to checkout now! I bet you’re just some heathen who wants me to miss church!”

    (A customer who is also a priest comes up to the front.)

    Priest: “Ma’am, going to church will not make you a better Christian. Shouting something as hateful as ‘heathen’ to this sweet lady certainly won’t help either.”

    Customer: “She won’t check me out so I can go to church! She obviously is not Christian.”

    Priest: “Ma’am, just please go to the back of the line, or leave. Nobody wants to hear your hateful comments to such a sweet woman. She might not be Christian, but she sure gives a lot more respect to people than you do.”

    Customer: *huffs* “Fine! But when God sends his fire upon both of you, you’ll be sorry!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    | WA, USA |

    Customer: “Why didn’t my order go through?”

    Me: “It looks like your card declined due to insufficient funds.”

    Customer: “Well, yeah. But I fail to see how that’s my problem.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    War On Knowledge

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for something for my little grandson. He needs to dress up for school. Like someone from the civil war. Someone like George Washington. Do you have costumes or wigs or anything that could work for that?”

    Me: “Well, first a clarification as to what you’re looking for. Are you looking for someone from the civil war? Or from the revolutionary war?”

    Caller: “Right! Do you have anything like that?”

    Me: “Well, George Washington would be the revolutionary war. Are you looking for something like George Washington for the revolutionary war? Or do you want something from the civil war?”

    Caller: “Well, something from that time period.”

    Me: “Well, you see that’s two different time periods. You mentioned George Washington. Is that what you want?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t know. He was one of the Presidents, right?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Right.”

    Caller: “President of Virginia, or something like that? The state of Virginia?”

    Flipping Around The Store Is A Flop

    | CA, USA |

    Me: “Do you need help finding anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I bought these certain flip-flops 10 years ago, but you don’t seem to carry them anymore.” *wistful sigh* “They were so comfortable.”

    Me: “You could always check out our website online. You might find them there.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s one of them nifty internet things, right?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Hard Smoker

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Top

    (I am working the till. A teenage boy walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want [brand] smokes.”

    Me: “Do you have ID?”

    (He gives me a strange look.)

    Customer: “Just get me the f***ing smokes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but if you-”

    (He leans forwards and cracks his knuckles.)

    Customer: “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

    (I notice my coworker standing behind him. He’s an ex-boxer.)

    Coworker: “Okay, let’s do this the hard way.”

    (The customer turns around, yelps, and runs out the door.)

    Coworker: *smiling* “Aw, I don’t think he likes me.”


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