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    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

    , | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

    Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

    Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

    Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

    Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

    Related:
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    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

    Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

    (She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

    Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

    Self-Fulfilling Animosity

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

    Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

    Me: “$22.”

    Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

    Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

    Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

    Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

    Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

    Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

    Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

    Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

    Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

    Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

    Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

    Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

    Customer: “But I paid for it!”

    Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

    Customer: “But I paid for it!”

    Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

    Customer: “That is so useless!”

    Role-play In Everyday Life

    | Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

    Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

    Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

    (We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

    Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

    (I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

    Me: “I…uh…”

    Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”


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