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    We’ll Need A Mop To Soak Up All The Bigotry

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bigotry, Top

    (I am doing a product demonstration show and I decide to do a character because it makes the job go by fast and it’s more fun. While doing a demonstration in my “Getting Married” character, an old woman in her late 80s takes a mop from me. As she’s about to buy it, she asks me a few questions.)

    Customer: “So, you’re getting married? Oh, that’s lovely. What’s your fella like?”

    Me: “Julia is a girl and she is the love of my life. We’re getting married in November.”

    Customer: “A girl? You’re a dy**?”

    Me: “I prefer lesbian, but yes, I am.”

    Customer: “A DY** SOLD ME A MOP!”

    (The woman proceeds to toss the mop at me and then go get a manager.)

    Customer: “Did you know that you have a dy** working here?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I don’t think she appreciates you calling her that.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want a God d*** dy** selling me things that I need. I can’t take them if she sells it to me.”

    Manager: “Why don’t I get one of my associates to ring you through?”

    Customer: “I’d like that very much.”

    (The manager runs her through, but gives me a $50 gift card to our store. Thank you, prejudiced old woman. I got really nice sheets.)

    Eau de Toilet

    , | Eau Claire, WI, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am ringing up a customer. While she is waiting for me to finish, I suggest that she tries our fragrances.)

    Customer: *sprays fragrance* “This stuff smells like a toilet.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer’s friend: *laughs hysterically*

    Customer: “It’s not a bad thing, though. It smells like a clean toilet.”

    I’m Tire’d Of These Calls

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    Me: “Sports department, [name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Can you transfer me to the jewelry department?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “Yes, you do. Just put me through.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure we don’t, ma’am. Let me ask.”

    (I’m fairly new, so I go to customer service and ask.)

    Me: “Yeah, sorry, ma’am. We definitely do not have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “WHAT?! Wal-Mart doesn’t have a jewelry department anymore?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t Wal-Mart. This is Canadian Tire.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

    | Odessa, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have that new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn?”

    (Note: as the customer asks this question, I am stocking a life-sized display case of Edward and Bella and have an armful of Breaking Dawn DVDs. The store is also filled with piles of Breaking Dawn pre-orders, Breaking Dawn promo merchandise, and several Breaking Dawn dozen posters advertising the movie’s DVD release. The customer looks right down at the Breaking Dawn DVD in my hand and, before I can answer him, he continues.)

    Customer: *sighs* “Oh, well. Guess not.” *turns around and leaves without another word*

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    If Hugs Could Kill

    | Drexel Hill, PA, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Hey, how you doing?”

    Customer: “Not too good. My favorite aunt is dying and I have to go to the hospital.”

    Me: “That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Customer: “Thanks. I’m gonna go there and hug her and kiss her to death.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You know what I mean.”

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